How do I "un-friend" a Facebook (college) friend?

[sunshinegirl]

[Oops! Bad title! I know, technically speaking, how to de-friend someone...I'm asking more of a diplomatic question - how do I handle this situation?]

 

I normally will only friend someone on Facebook if I know them; as such I have been known to ignore friend requests if I don't actually know the person.

 

A few months ago, I friended a guy I went to college with even though I didn't recognize his picture or even remember how I knew him. I'm not sure now why I did it...I think because we had several mutual friends who are actual friends of mine.

 

Since I don't even remember this guy, and college was 15 years ago, I am not interested in re-kindling any kind of friendship with him. The problem is, he KEEPS contacting me for various reasons. First it was to ask if I would do his friend a favor and talk to her about my graduate school. Fine. I did that. (Probably a mistake.)

 

But since then he has emailed me both on Facebook and on gmail attempting to catch up on my life. I have been ignoring the emails so far. Thursday, I posted a status update about how frustrated I am with my stupid new blackberry. Several friends responded with advice...and then an email from him showed up in my inbox saying he could meet me over the weekend to help if I wanted it.

 

I ignored the email.

 

Just now he's emailed me AGAIN to see if my blackberry issue got resolved.

 

Do i just keep ignoring? He's now contacted me 4 or 5 times and you'd think he'd get the hint...but no. I keep hearing from him.

 

Oh, and he is still very very religious where I am NOT anymore, and I have a sneaking suspicion that word has gotten around my old community and I worry that he's trying to get me back into the fold or something. I have no evidence for this but it's in the back of my mind.

 

Ugh. So what should I do?

[shadowplay]

[oops! bad title, I know, technically speaking. how to de-friend someone...I'm asking more of a diplomatic question - how do I handle this situation?]

 

I normally will only friend someone on Facebook if I know them; as such I have been known to ignore friend requests if I don't actually know the person.

 

A few months ago, I friended a guy I went to college with even though I didn't recognize his picture or even remember how I knew him. I'm not sure now why I did it...I think because we had several mutual friends who are actual friends of mine.

 

Since I don't even remember this guy, and college was 15 years ago, I am not interested in re-kindling any kind of friendship with him. The problem is, he KEEPS contacting me for various reasons. First it was to ask if I would do his friend a favor and talk to her about my graduate school. Fine. I did that. (Probably a mistake.)

 

But since then he has emailed me both on Facebook and on gmail attempting to catch up on my life. I have been ignoring the emails so far. Thursday, I posted a status update about how frustrated I am with my stupid new blackberry. Several friends responded with advice...and then an email from him showed up in my inbox saying he could meet me over the weekend to help if I wanted it.

 

I ignored the email.

 

Just now he's emailed me AGAIN to see if my blackberry issue got resolved.

 

Do i just keep ignoring? He's now contacted me 4 or 5 times and you'd think he'd get the hint...but no. I keep hearing from him.

 

Oh, and he is still very very religious where I am NOT anymore, and I have a sneaking suspicion that word has gotten around my old community and I worry that he's trying to get me back into the fold or something. I have no evidence for this but it's in the back of my mind.

 

Ugh. So what should I do?

 

Are you just asking how to literally un-friend somebody on facebook? It's easy. Click on your list of friends, scroll down to his name, then press the delete option next to it.

 

I've had to unfriend a few people because I was a bit overzealous about adding everyone I knew when I first got an account. Now I've whittled it down to people I stay in touch with on a regular basis.

[Star Gazer]

See way down on the left hand side of the screen where it says "Remove from friends"? Just click that, and then wipe your hands of it.

 

Both the logistic and diplomatic way to give him the hint.

[sunshinegirl]

Folks I edited my original post to say I don't need TECHNICAL advice but more diplomatic advice. Sorry for the misleading thread title!

 

But actually that's probably the easiest thing to do. Who needs this drama? Okay, thanks. Done.

[D-Lish]

De-friend and block him.

Block him on g-mail.

 

I hate facebook... I had a previous account that got so ridiculous with past ex's, people I barely knew in HS... I added a guy I'd been talking to from plenty of fish and then as soon as he found out my last name he stalked me... just 411'd me and started calling my house at all hours- finally waited in my parking lot one night and when I got out of my car he was standing there with a bottle of wine- and said "you must be D..."

 

I'd delete and block him now before he finds out more personal info about you. You don't owe him anything! It already sounds as if he's been overly intrusive.

 

Don't feel bad about doing it- just do it and you'll feel better!

[shadowplay]

Folks I edited my original post to say I don't need TECHNICAL advice but more diplomatic advice. Sorry for the misleading thread title!

 

If you don't want to unfriend him then you could just continue to ignore. Another option would be to tell him politely that you're getting strange vibes from his persistent emails, you're not really interested in anything romantic, and you apologize if he got the wrong idea.

[Star Gazer]

My response was actually both the logistic/technical way AND the diplomatic way.

[jerbear]

I would suggest un-friending, there really is no diplomatic way.

 

You could:

 

1) keep him as a FB friend, selectively ignore his communications, selectively hangout as acquaintances

2) just un-friend him

3) send him an email saying you don't want to reconnect with the past, then un-friend him

 

The thing about friends is that it is good to make them before you need them. I suggest option #1.

 

If it is really bothering you then I'll suggest #3. If you just unfriend him, he'll contact you and re-friend you then get the hint.

[sunshinegirl]

SG I realized that after I posted my response. I was a little trigger happy - sorry!

 

D-Lish that sounds awful! How did you get that guy to finally leave you alone?

 

And Shadow, I laughed out loud at your suggestion. I love it because I know there's NO romantic intentionality behind his communications; I went to a technie college with a lot of low-social-skill people and he might just be low EQ...the other possibility is that he wants to save my soul. Either way your response would shut him down.

 

As it is I just de-friended him. Though now feel like I owe him an email response. Which I think is my own identity kicking in - I want people to like me and not misunderstand what I do and why. Probably best to just let it go.

[Dumbledore]

Removing them from your friends list is hardly diplomatic. Without any further explanation, it's just plain rude.

 

What you should do is set up another Facebook account. Then tell them you are going to add them on the new account, because of this nasty stalking dude.

 

Then delete them on your real account, and add them to your fake one. Happy Facebooking!

[Storyrider]

Facebook is weird. I have an account and have reconnected with a couple of people I'm happy to hear from, but now I do have people friending me that I have no desire to be in contact with, and then dozens more just showing up as friends of friends, in that "you might know these people" section, which is also disconcerting. It is like it shouts at you every day, "you used to speak to these people and now you don't! Here are all their pictures!"

 

I find it especially weird b/c I had an overly-close, almost incestuous group of friends in HS, and we burned out on each other, and now they are all hovering about on facebook. It would be like if Paul was forced to look at pictures of John, George and Ringo every time he turned on his TV. (Which he probably was! )

 

I lost touch with these people for a reason.

[D-Lish]

D-Lish that sounds awful! How did you get that guy to finally leave you alone?

 

As it is I just de-friended him. Though now feel like I owe him an email response. Which I think is my own identity kicking in - I want people to like me and not misunderstand what I do and why. Probably best to just let it go.

 

I got a restraining order! I was so scared in the dark parking lot and he followed me to the door asking why I was freaking out. He had no clue or understanding that you don't look up personal info about someone and then just start calling them and going to their home without ever having met them.

 

You don't owe him anything! There is nothing to feel guilty about.

He'll get the message. I'd block him too. Sending an e-mail will only open the door for more communication- which is what you are trying to avoid in the first place.

 

G-mail has a block function too.