Author ruggy Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 That's what I originally thought. However, she told me to meet her at her apt. Not trying to pushing anything, but is she hinting to something that I am again completely oblivious too? In terms of interest, I think it is possibly because she is very busy. If she was not interested and wanted to blow me off, why she she call to confirm? This would not make much sense. Some might ask why I am a bit on edge. Two things, can't really be like this with her, she'd think I'm a psycho. I just let everything go by as everything is fine. Two, she's really attractive. Smart, attractive, and independent. What more can a man ask for? When somethings are too good to be true, they usually are. That is why I am a bit skeptical. I could be reading everything completely wrong. Still, a skeptical person.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Chatroomhero, good posts. If a woman goes out with you 3 times, it does appear that is a good sign. I think men become confused when they meet a woman they are very interested in, seem to have an excellent time with, and when you contact them they seem vague, short, busy, etc. Is it some psychological game being played to make the man chase, and not appear to be too available? Or is it a polite blow off? Since some women feel the man should pursue, are they waiting and wanting that? Or is that a sign of weakness, and shows how "desperate" the man is? And if you ask women for advice half will say "She sounds busy, but interested". The other half will say "Women always make time for a man they are interested in"
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 That's what I originally thought. However, she told me to meet her at her apt. Not trying to pushing anything, but is she hinting to something that I am again completely oblivious too? Seriously, if she's asking you to meet her at her house- she's interested. Doesn't mean she wants to have sex... lol... But it means she is comfortable enough to let you into her world. I bet you get a good make out session at the very least out of this date. You're totally overthinking this Ruggy- after hearing that, I can say she's into you. Hopefully she is planning the date then? If it's in her city? Or is she making you dinner? Plus, I already told you- She's got 2 days off a week? And she is spending one of those days with you. Very good sign. STOP talking yourself into believing that it's too good to be true. Ever think she's into you because you're smart and attractive too??? She's probably wondering things on the other end as well. Ah Ruggy, what are we going to do with you? lol. You're in- don't stress. Come to my apartment = very good sign.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I stole this from another thread, but it illustrates how some women think, and why men become confused. So sometimes if they don't like you they date you, and if they like you , and you contact them they become annoyed.. "I'm currently dating someone who I actually like and who gives me amazing butterflies when he kisses me. But then I find all the little things wrong with him. And then when he texts me to say he had fun with me or he wants to hang out again, I find myself getting annoyed. Which is ridiculous!! I've dated plenty of guys who I knew for sure I didn't like and didn't want to see again. So I don't get why I want to hang out with him and am simultaneously scared to death. "
Author ruggy Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I stole this from another thread, but it illustrates how some women think, and why men become confused. So sometimes if they don't like you they date you, and if they like you , and you contact them they become annoyed.. "I'm currently dating someone who I actually like and who gives me amazing butterflies when he kisses me. But then I find all the little things wrong with him. And then when he texts me to say he had fun with me or he wants to hang out again, I find myself getting annoyed. Which is ridiculous!! I've dated plenty of guys who I knew for sure I didn't like and didn't want to see again. So I don't get why I want to hang out with him and am simultaneously scared to death. " Thanks box. Makes me feel better. Instead of meeting up, I said it makes better sense to use one vehicle instead of one. I ways had her address, just not her apt. #. Weird that she would give me the apt. # and not tell me to call her to come down. Guess I will see soon. D-Lish always the woman with reason, intelligence and insight.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I stole this from another thread, but it illustrates how some women think, and why men become confused. So sometimes if they don't like you they date you, and if they like you , and you contact them they become annoyed.. "I'm currently dating someone who I actually like and who gives me amazing butterflies when he kisses me. But then I find all the little things wrong with him. And then when he texts me to say he had fun with me or he wants to hang out again, I find myself getting annoyed. Which is ridiculous!! I've dated plenty of guys who I knew for sure I didn't like and didn't want to see again. So I don't get why I want to hang out with him and am simultaneously scared to death. " You can't avoid meeting some people that are effed up (it's not gender specific). That's a little effed up and not the norm for what the average women is thinking. Just like I know I can't measure all men by the way the last dude just got cold feet and took off like a bat out of hell when it got a little serious. If I actually thought all guys were the same based on a few bad experiences, I'd give up dating. There are some bad apples and crazy chicks out there- no doubt about it. I'm just reading everything Ruggy has been saying and giving him my perspective. The invite to meet at the apartment says she's completely comfortable with having him there... Also, she's agreed to a third date, again~ if she didn't like him, a second date wouldn't have happened. Better yet R, you could suggest taking a cab from her place to a restaurant so you can both have some drinks. Then- you'd have to go back to her apartment to get your keys.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 “And if you ask women for advice half will say "She sounds busy, but interested". The other half will say "Women always make time for a man they are interested in" Well in this case, you just proved your own point because (a) she is busy but interested; because (b) she confirmed date number 3 on his vm. Which makes this statement: “It's more like she is slowly losing interest, but it's not too late.” Nonsense.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Bobrigo, I agree. Anytime I had to continually call, and ask ahead, and it was a bit vague on her end, things ever worked out. "Pursuing" seems to be a losing strategy, although as men we are taught this is our role. And it is SO easy to be the elusive, hard to get, aloof jerk with the women you have dated, and are not very interested in. And almost ALWAYS, they find a way to contact you, try and make plans etc. You can call them weeks later, and they are ready at the drop of a hat. As soon as you meet one you like on several different levels, it is not as easy to play that game. You start to wonder if maybe the game will not work with her. You like her, and think "We are adults, asking her out and showing interest seems normal", and then things go down the tubes rapidly. And you never know what you are getting yourself into with the girls that chase you, or the girls with which the game must be played.. 6 months down the road, when sooner or later things have to go to another level,and you are involved, you realize you are with someone incapable of that.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If she confirmed the date on vm, only because he was constantly calling her, does not mean she's interested, it could be she's just being nice about not turning him down Also, just because a woman is losing interest, doesn't necessarily mean she has lost interest below a recoverable level. Then she could have just as easily said on his VM, "I'm busy" and not confirmed at all. Maybe I come from a different world here, but I would not make it to date 3 if I wasn't interested. When a man is interested in a woman, he pursues her. When a woman is interested in a man, she is responsive. That's generally the way it goes.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 You're pulling quotes from to different posters. How does that make any sense? We obviously cannot tell what her true feelings are, we are offering two different points of view. Your point of view doesn't even count I didn't know how to multi-quote, geesh! And thank you for telling me my point of view doesn't even count, rude person you.
Author ruggy Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Bobo, what in god are you talking about? Who is hanging over her? I did not speak to her since Saturday. She called on Tuesday. No contact had been made in between. What are you smoking? Please, share... If you are going to comment on a post, please consider READING the whole post and the other threads about it. There are a total of three. There has been no hanging around or waiting or contacting every minute. We usually only talk the day before the date to schedule everything. Get your facts right. Gesh. D-Lish, good idea, but I do not want to press my luck.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Bobrigo, good points.. Dating for men has seem to evolved. These days even bedding a woman is not a clear indicator that you are at a new level, or that it is time to make plans, call, show interest, etc. I still struggle with this one. You become intimate with a woman you are interested in, so then certainly she wants you to express that it meant something to you! But then you call the next day, ask her out for the weekend, and you already screwed up. Many women today seem to NEED to be the ones pursuing, which unfortunately might screw it up for the few left that want to be pursued. Men find out all to often that showing almost any form of interest is the kiss of death.
Author ruggy Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I'll tell you who's hanging over her. You. You are waiting for her call, wondering about her lack of communication, wondering why it is that if YOU don't contact her to follow-up, she won't. Dude, your interest level is way higher than hers, and that's just a fact. I don't need to read 2 more threads and 100 more posts to figure that out. Bobo, your weird. Please, leave my thread alone. You add no value to anything you post. Just mambo-jambo about how you view life. I am sure you and your hand are very happy. Wish you two the best. Now, please, leave.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Bobo, what in god are you talking about? Who is hanging over her? I did not speak to her since Saturday. She called on Tuesday. No contact had been made in between. What are you smoking? Please, share... If you are going to comment on a post, please consider READING the whole post and the other threads about it. There are a total of three. There has been no hanging around or waiting or contacting every minute. We usually only talk the day before the date to schedule everything. Get your facts right. Gesh. D-Lish, good idea, but I do not want to press my luck. Well, feel it out when you get to her place. And this is not a case of her losing interest like someone else said...it's a case of her building interest.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I think that if you start seeing a woman, and feelings of insecurity start to seep in, they can sense this immediately. I know when it happened to me, I was just not myself. I much prefer to be the happy confident guy, than the second guessing guy. I have been both, and when I was the former, things worked out. When I was the latter at any point (with her knowing or not) things did not work out.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I'll tell you who's hanging over her. You. You are waiting for her call, wondering about her lack of communication, wondering why it is that if YOU don't contact her to follow-up, she won't. Dude, your interest level is way higher than hers, and that's just a fact. I don't need to read 2 more threads and 100 more posts to figure that out. She called him to follow up and cement the plans... That's how it went down. He asked her out, she said yes... then she called him today to follow up and cement the plans for the date (and invited him to her apartment).
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Then I see no problem. And I apologize FOR THE OTHERWISE GOOD ADVICE, you ungrateful little... (Not you, D) I know! She's interested! He's just overthinking it.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 HMMM I think it is important for you to discern if you would be happy with a woman like this. What I mean by that is you seem very interested thus far, but are not content with her lack of attention. As you said she always seems to be doing a million things at once, you hardly hear from her etc. You are thinking A LOT. Things are not flowing as you would like for them to. So, you might have another good date, and then what? You might have enjoyed it more than the last. However, it would be another week of little contact, she is busy, you would like more attention, etc. Which would drive you to the point of pursuing, and her pulling back, sooner or later. It might be a good fit, or not. But you sense something is not right, and a certain way she acts is giving you anxiety/insecurity. That would have to change soon for it to work, and not make you miserable.
boxing123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 As for myself, if I was ever confused, over thinking, or questioning her interest between dates, I was never my funny, confident,cocky, fun self that women want to be around once the date actually happened. Since I was thinking so much, and my contact was so limited, I figured now, finally that I am in her presence, something must be settled. I must learn more, and see where this is heading. Needless to say it shifted all the power to her, and there is nothing fun about that for either party. I have discovered I am just not made to be with those independent/always busy/ low contact women with full plates and little time. Maybe some men are, but it is just not natural for me. From your initial posts, it seems like you are not meant for that type either. So the question should not be if she is interested, it should be if you are. Not in what you would want her to be, but for whom she is now, and most likely will remain.
Author ruggy Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 So I picked her up tonight, we went to get a drink (she paid), went to the movies (I paid), and went to dinner (I paid). Dropped her back off at her apt. she leaned over and kissed me goodnight. Asked her if she had time to spend Sunday or Monday, said she was busy, but said how about Tuesday or Wednesday. How can two people build a relationship if one is always busy? I do like her a lot, and we fit so well. We even think a like (except for time). I am perplexed. Obviously, I do not have a right to ask to her to re-arrange her week so we can spend time together. But how do I make this work? One a side note, she is calling and txting more since Friday.
boxing123 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 How can two people build a relationship if one is always busy? Read post 52.. I do not know either..I think some people date differently than others. She is either genuinely busy, playing a little hard to get, dating others, or just wants casual dating without more of a full blown relationship. I wouldn't push too much..
Author ruggy Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Very true. Perhaps, I should stop calling and txting and see if she contacts me after that.
boxing123 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I do not understand it myself.. The girl I recently met was busy 3 times in a row when I asked her out after our first date. Had to fix something, then was going out with friends, then was sick due to her time of the month. She never suggested another time she might be free. I quit asking, and basically forgot about her, although we had an excellent time on our date. I thought we had an excellent time, but she seemed to be blowing me off. So for the past 3 days (2 weeks after our date) she has been emailing and texting me, telling me she has been thinking of me and wants to get together. I don't know what to make of it, although I feel much better about her contacting me, than if I would have kept asking her.
Author ruggy Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Sounds similar to mine. However, she does pick different dates when she's not available. Again, I assume she is interested in me. Why else would she lean over to me to kiss me good night? Granted, it was a quick kiss, but still right on the mark. I was thinking going for broke and just asking her over next week. I'll cook her a nice meal, watch a movie and see what happens. Then again, if she says no or she can't, then it just was not meant to be. If she says, sure, good on one hand, more pressure on the other. Love catch-22 situations... Seems I'm screwed either way....
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