ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 We set a date for dinner and a movie on Friday, but it concerns me that outside of seeing her in person I always have to initiate the convo; where telephone or txt. I assume she has some interest, we did have a five hour dinner and talked yesterday. But, it s probably me, I just think it is odd to always have to initiate the convo outside of seeing her in person. When I see her in person, very lively. Every time else, doing a million things at once and hardly hear from her. So, it seems I have a third date on Saturday; at least that was what she wanted to do yesterday. I was going to see if she contacts me to confirm this week or not. If she does not confirm this week, then just drop it. If she does, then roll with it. The first week she confirmed with me. The second week, I confirmed with her. If she really has interest, putting the ball in her court would be the logical test or foolish gamble?
boxing123 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Hard to say without more info. I dated a woman whom would NEVER call a man, but she would sit by the phone and wait for my call. Some women you just get the feeling they might not be that interested, or too busy, dating others, etc. It is tough to say.
Author ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Yea, that is what I feel. I mean, on one side, I would assume she is interested, why else would she spend 5 + hours with me yesterday over dinner? We were the last people to leave. Then suggest Tues, Fri, or Sat for our next date. Shot for two of them, Tues and the weekend, that was shot down. Just a movie and dinner on in her neck of the woods. First date was in her neck of the woods, second date was in the middle, third date is back in her neck of the woods. Hard to get a grasp.
boxing123 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 That's funny. I have had that same feeling plenty times before. I do know when I had that curiosity, it never worked out. I just spent the night and 16 hours with a woman, and can't really tell much. Things just seem vague.
Aquamarisa Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I think she sounds interested. I would never spend so much time with a guy I didn't think had some kind of potential. Why don't you just confirm with her if you don't hear from her and then when you are in person, ask her if she is just busy or if she doesn't like to talk on the phone or something. It depends what she does but if she's got a ton of things to do I think it's reasonable that she's not initiating conversations with you. Maybe it's best just to do what you feel like instead of analyzing it, you know? I'm sure that she wouldn't agree to see you unless she had a good time. If you are having fun and don't mind going to her side of town to see her then what's the problem? If it bothers you, then don't do that anymore and ask that she meet you in the middle or on your side.
Author ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 I had a great time with her. That is not the issue. The lack of communication is more of the issue. Not sure if this is something of concern at this stage, but it kinda feels like I am being kept at arms length when I do not see her. Then again, I could be over analyzing things in my head. Or, I should attempt to mirror her actions and do the same. That is why I thought to see if she confirms instead of me confirming with her. At least I would know that she has interest. I know she is busy, no doubt. We all are. But how long does it take to send a txt message? Things were easier pre cell phone age.
Aquamarisa Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 If the issue is lack of communication then communicate with her. I wouldn't go overboard but a casual inquiry will give you insight and hopefully ease your anxiety. I get that a text is easy to send but is it that easy to construct? Maybe she starts to analyze every minute detail of abbreviations, spelling, etc. and eventually it just loses all sentimentality and she doesn't send it. It could be lots of things, but I think that if you have a genuine interest and enjoy being with her, you shouldn't worry about what's going on with her when you aren't together. It is still early and I suggest you just bask in the jittery fun that is dating.
Author ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 It is definitely confusing and do not want to look like an obsessed nut bring it up (just really want to know the deal). But, if she does not contact me to confirm, then I know that she really was not that interested. She may had been on the fence or unsure. Then again, it could be that she'll think I am no longer interested, so that would be that. Purely confused, as usual.
zilverenvlinder Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I was raised by a Rules mother. She taught me the Golden Rule, which is... NEVER EVER CALL A MAN. Let him call you if he's interested. This goes back to the human laws of chivalry. You are a man. She is a woman. She should not have to initiate contact. This is the way some girls, like myself, were brought up. I think this girl was also raised by a Rules lady. She is smart. I mean, if she called you all the time, you wouldn't be wondering if she liked you or not, would she? She is just playing the game right. Don't stress about it, and call her. She probably likes you a lot.
Author ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Yep, I think she was raised the same way. Though she did ask to help pay for the check on Saturday when we met. I said don't worry about it, and it was dropped. Not sure if that was a sign of where things were going or a test. Third date and I have to confirm with her? I would had hoped that these games would not be played. It seems every time they are. True, if she was calling me every day or so, it would be a bit annoying, but calling or texting once and a while would not cause any harm.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I was raised by a Rules mother. She taught me the Golden Rule, which is... NEVER EVER CALL A MAN. Let him call you if he's interested. This goes back to the human laws of chivalry. You are a man. She is a woman. She should not have to initiate contact. This is the way some girls, like myself, were brought up. I think this girl was also raised by a Rules lady. She is smart. I mean, if she called you all the time, you wouldn't be wondering if she liked you or not, would she? She is just playing the game right. Don't stress about it, and call her. She probably likes you a lot. Well if a woman can't admit or show that she is interested in me, then I know she is not mature enough to date, or not interested, either way not anything I want to spend time dealing with. After a few dates she should be able to call. I don't want to have to be "on" all the time in a relationship, the woman has to contribute. Why would I want to date someone that indicates a general lack of interest or a disinterest? I want a woman interested enough in me to be able to call me and initiate communication. If she can't do that, she isn't much of a prize. Her just showing up and agreeing to go out from time to time doesn't make for a good relationship from my perspective, it just makes for a burden all the time in exchange for sex which gets old. Her working towards a relationship with the same amount of effort makes a for an equal relationship where we both get something out of it.
Author ruggy Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Well if a woman can't admit or show that she is interested in me, then I know she is not mature enough to date, or not interested, either way not anything I want to spend time dealing with. After a few dates she should be able to call. I don't want to have to be "on" all the time in a relationship, the woman has to contribute. Why would I want to date someone that indicates a general lack of interest or a disinterest? I want a woman interested enough in me to be able to call me and initiate communication. If she can't do that, she isn't much of a prize. Her just showing up and agreeing to go out from time to time doesn't make for a good relationship from my perspective, it just makes for a burden all the time in exchange for sex which gets old. Her working towards a relationship with the same amount of effort makes a for an equal relationship where we both get something out of it. I would think it would had been easier, in terms of contacting each other, by now. Just feels like I am chasing her. I guess if she does not call or txt to confirm Saturday I will get my final answer. Very weird.
boxing123 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I was raised by a Rules mother. She taught me the Golden Rule, which is... NEVER EVER CALL A MAN. Let him call you if he's interested. This goes back to the human laws of chivalry. You are a man. She is a woman. She should not have to initiate contact. This is the way some girls, like myself, were brought up. I think this girl was also raised by a Rules lady. She is smart. I mean, if she called you all the time, you wouldn't be wondering if she liked you or not, would she? She is just playing the game right. Don't stress about it, and call her. She probably likes you a lot. This is ridiculous for men. Never call a man? I have dated women like this. So, a man calls and asks you out. You are actually busy the night he asks you. So, he should call you again? And again? How does he know if the "busy" is a sign of a lack of interest, or you really were busy? And to add more confusion, some women are "rules" girls. Some are not. Some are some of the time, some are all of the time..
Author ruggy Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Never understood and played these games before. Hence the limited number of relationships before. I don't like depending on someone nor having to wait around for someone. It may be her personality, or trying to prove independence, but it is what it is. I have had more contact from women after one night stands than this one. Then again, our background and interests are so spot on, its bothering me. I guess, and it is truly a guess, as I can be pulling everything out of proportion that if she has any true interest in me, I will find out 5 - 6 days. I will not call or txt her, not even on the day of the movie / dinner. If she does not contact me either, then no harm no foul. Single live is much easier. As much as I do have interest in her, this contact her first does not work for me. Appreciate alls POVs on this topic.
The Collector Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You don't always have to call and confirm a date. If she doesn't show up, that's different. But I agree, this 'woman never calls' stuff is a load of hooey. I'll go for the women who aren't afraid to pick up a phone and call if they want to.
Author ruggy Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 We have not set a time, nor do I know if we are using one car or two. Since she lives right there, not sure. Left it open to see what happens. She confirmed the first date. I then confirmed the second. If she does not confirm the third, then she really does not have much interest anyway. No harm no foul.
Author ruggy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Interestingly enough. She confirmed date and time at lunch on my VM. Hmm...
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You make no sense, you remind me of someone I dated not too long ago. She's cleary interested to some degree, so why are you so fixated on this? You seem to be basing her interest level on one factor versus looking at it as a whole, why is that exactly?
Author ruggy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Hard to read her. So it is hard to know her next move.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You make no sense, you remind me of someone I dated not too long ago. She's cleary interested to some degree, so why are you so fixated on this? You seem to be basing her interest level on one factor versus looking at it as a whole, why is that exactly? You must be a woman, guys understand. It is easy to sit back and pick and choose who you blow off and who you are interested in, but it is hard for the other party to know your intentions if you are not upfront and responsive and the entire burden of figuring it out falls on you. For a guy, there is a point where you start to think that she is showing very little interest and if you call one more time she will tell all her friends how you are a stalker and a loser and desperate and won't take a hint. The problem is, a lot of times her hints are not calling you back or else saying things like, "Sure call me sometime and we'll go out again!" or, "I can't go out tonight but we can do something next week maybe!". If you don't pick up on the hint and call her, she thinks you are a stalker. A lot of times a woman shows she is not interested in you by faking interest and hoping you realize she is faking.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 That's really mean of her making you do all the contact. How ridiculous.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You must be a woman, guys understand. It is easy to sit back and pick and choose who you blow off and who you are interested in, but it is hard for the other party to know your intentions if you are not upfront and responsive and the entire burden of figuring it out falls on you. For a guy, there is a point where you start to think that she is showing very little interest and if you call one more time she will tell all her friends how you are a stalker and a loser and desperate and won't take a hint. The problem is, a lot of times her hints are not calling you back or else saying things like, "Sure call me sometime and we'll go out again!" or, "I can't go out tonight but we can do something next week maybe!". If you don't pick up on the hint and call her, she thinks you are a stalker. A lot of times a woman shows she is not interested in you by faking interest and hoping you realize she is faking. I am a woman, and from a woman's stand point, there isn't anything that the OP has written in his post that would indicate non-interest on her part. He has a third date on Saturday, she called to confirm, everything else he's written in his posts are all positive signs. The women who have responded to his threads say she's interested, the men say she's not so evidently this shows how different men and women view things.
The Collector Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I think she sounds interested. OP, assume the sale.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I am a woman, and from a woman's stand point, there isn't anything that the OP has written in his post that would indicate non-interest on her part. He has a third date on Saturday, she called to confirm, everything else he's written in his posts are all positive signs. The women who have responded to his threads say she's interested, the men say she's not so evidently this shows how different men and women view things. I agree, but I think it is because women don't usually have to deal with this. They never really have to initiate the "showing of interest", and never need to determine the level of a guys interest. If he calls he is interested, if he doesn't call he is not. The interesting thing is I bet there are a lot of women that would come on ehere and post that he should stop bothering her because she is blowing him off nicely. I have dated a good amount of women and interested or not, I notice in the initial stages they never seem to answer my calls when I call, and i ends up feeling like I am in the movie swingers. How does a woman show she is interested? She acts uninterested. How does a woman show she is extremely interested? She acts uninterested. How does a guy know a woman is interested? If the cops don't show up at his door and charge him with stalking before she agrees to a 3rd date.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Another positive sign R... She confirmed the date. I still think you are over thinking things too much. It's only been two dates so far. I wouldn't be doing any calling or initiating either- mostly because I don't want the guy to think me over-zealous. Just go with the flow, have the next date and go from there. If a woman isn't interested, she wouldn't agree to go out with you a second time... or a third time! She's interested, perhaps just a slow mover.
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