crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 How do you scare your guy into thinking hes going to lose you? Were in a fight and im on the verge of breaking up with him but I really don't want to.. .we break up like every 3 weeks and it doenst scare him anymore. I always say were done for good and then we get back together.. i need something else to prove to him that im really serious he needs to change or im really gone! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 How old are you guys. It sounds like you're treating your relationship as a game. Perhaps losing you doesn't scare him because he knows that losing him doesn't scare you. After all, you both get back together again - it sounds like you are equally responsible, and equally weak at dealing with the real issues in a mature way. What would really scare him? Really losing you. But can you stomach walking away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 i feel like things are never going to change and hes just never going to treat me better or respect me.i think i can stomach walking away but what if thats a major mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 How do you scare your guy into thinking hes going to lose you? Were in a fight and im on the verge of breaking up with him but I really don't want to.. .we break up like every 3 weeks and it doenst scare him anymore. I always say were done for good and then we get back together.. i need something else to prove to him that im really serious he needs to change or im really gone! You lost you power the moment you went back to him the first time. Never ever give an ultimatum you are not prepared to follow through until the bitter end. People won't take you seriously after that. Always opt for finding ways to resolve conlfict without resorting to ultimatums. If you are really serious and feel like you are at the end of your rope then leave and don't look back and if he comes to you WITHOUT you reaching out to him in any shape way or form that is the only way you can get him to give you what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 i feel like things are never going to change and hes just never going to treat me better or respect me.i think i can stomach walking away but what if thats a major mistake. I think if that's how you feel... Walking away isn't a mistake. You're teaching him that it's okay to treat you this way by staying with him. If he's treating you badly, walking away would show him you respect yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 but he has been the only one to reach out and i didnt do nething.. like i did no contact and he reached for me begged to talk... another time he left flowers on my doorstep...the last time he just texted me every part of the day goodmorning good afternoon good evening good night and finally he just called...idk what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 you're right d Lish...its just so hard i just get depressed and miss him Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It is hard leaving someone you love, but you have to love yourself more and know that you DESERVE someone that treats you right. The longer you stay with him and play this game, the more time you are wasting until you find someone that will respect you. I left my EX 8 months ago because he didn't treat me right and after years I fell out of love with him, but leaving was still difficult. Now 8 months later I am with a new GREAT guy, and my EX keeps asking me back saying he knew he treated me bad and he is sorry. But its too late, I have given him too many chances and I am over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 What's so bad about him? I have a hard time believing you're not equally responsible for this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 but he has been the only one to reach out and i didnt do nething.. like i did no contact and he reached for me begged to talk... another time he left flowers on my doorstep...the last time he just texted me every part of the day goodmorning good afternoon good evening good night and finally he just called...idk what to do But that's the cycle... he treats you badly, you break up with him, he begs to have you back... then the process starts over again. What that teaches him is that he can get away with not respecting you and treating you crappy... because he knows you'll come back. He has no motivation to change. Candy girl had a good post above. It's not easy to walk away from someone you love- but it's a whole lot harder to stay in a relationship where you aren't getting the respect you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Eweezy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 he caught your bluff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 hes just very negative towards me...a very jealous person always thinking im seeing someone behind his back when im not and he nos im not he just says it to annoy me.. hes totally insecure if i have a guy friend write on my facebook he flips out...if im talking to his friends he even thinks im going to hook up with them..hes very controlling.. like if my boobs are out the slightest bit hell get pissedd off .. if by accident i lean over and my thong is out im automatically called a whore. i get called a whore a bitch every word in the book. this is only a number of things i could go on forever sometimes i think he hates me more than he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I always say were done for good and then we get back together.. i need something else to prove to him that im really serious he needs to change or im really gone! why don't you try breaking up with him for good? Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 i get called a whore a bitch every word in the book. this is only a number of things i could go on forever sometimes i think he hates me more than he loves me. This is VERBAL ABUSE and it sounds just like me EX. You won't be happy with him, you are wasting your time. Move on. I won't put up with it ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
zenith Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 you ****ed up there is no going back Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 this is only a number of things i could go on forever sometimes i think he hates me more than he loves me. You have allowed this relationship to downward spiral into a complete mess. He is degrading you and has no respect for you what so ever. It is dysfunctional to say the least and IMO you can not possibly love someone who treats you so badly. You are just stuck in the endless cycle of self-loathing and self-esteem issues that come with allowing yourself to be treated so badly. The best thing you can do is break it off and walk away. If you do so and go back you will get more of the same. Unfortunately it has progressed too far in the wrong direction for you to ever get it to the appropriate level for a healthy supportive relationship. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It is difficult to walk away when you're invested. Having said that, it sounds like you're either incompatible or compatible in that you both enjoy the drama of the situation. If the things you do make him jealous, why do you stay with him? Also, why do you continue doing things that you know, make him jealous? His insecurities don't give him the right to control your life, particularly when he calls you a whore or a bitch. This is abusive behaviour. On the otherhand, do you exacerbate the situation, by doing whatever you want, then expecting that someone who's that jealous, will just suck it up? Respect comes from both parties. Neither one of you can force change on the other. It's time to move on and find more compatible partners. Don't get hooked on the drama and most definitely, if you're a flirtatious individual, don't get hooked on another guy who can't handle your nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 and i f'd up because...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 actually if i know hes going to get mad or jealous i avoid it. like i know he doesnt want me talking to other guys so i dont. i know now that he hates when my shirt shows too much so i wear less revealing shirts. i barely have any other guy friends i do not do anything purposely to annoy him. Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 and i f'd up because...? I think they mean you f'd by always taking him back he knows he can treat you like $#!+ It doesn't matter what he does to you, you will break-up with him and then take him back. Pretty soon you will get tired of this, trust me. It took me 3 years, and then I started crushing on other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 and i f'd up because...? From the very beginning - the first time he was degrading in any way you should have put on the brakes. You should have done enough then so he would know you would NEVER put up with it. If you had it would not have gotten to the point where he says "shut the f*** up" to you. Not in private - not in public - and CERTAINLY not in front of his friends. You have consistently allowed him to be extremely disrespectful to you. For instance: The other thread you have going. When he didn't call you should not have called him to find out why he hadn't called. But you did. And he told you to "shut the f*** up" in front of his friends AND hung upon you. I'll tell you one thing. If my man ever lost his mind and did the same thing his knees would be bloody from crawling around on them begging for my forgiveness! There is just no way I would ever put up with that or any remote resemblance of that kind of behavior. My man is my King -- but only as long as I am his Queen and he treats me as such. That is not to say that disagreements do not happen. Of course they do. But there is a level of respect and boundaries that are not crossed on either side. Your mistakes lie in the way that you have allowed yourself to be degraded by him. NOBODY should be allowed to treat you in such a way. And YES you ALLOWED it by putting up with it even as it has gotten worse and worse. Just like on your other thread -- he told you to "shut the f*** up" and hung up on you -- but you still talked to him later on when he contacted you. You ended up explaining things to him. Why?!! Don't you think you deserve better? I've said it a million times: The only thing that makes a guy special is the way he treats me. If a guy is going to act like a complete moron abusive thoughtless loser - well there are plenty of those around. I can throw a rock and hit 10 of them. Why would I waste my time? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 i think i can stomach walking away but what if thats a major mistake. Based on the following, how could it be a major mistake? hes just very negative towards me...a very jealous person always thinking im seeing someone behind his back when im not and he nos im not he just says it to annoy me.. hes totally insecure if i have a guy friend write on my facebook he flips out...if im talking to his friends he even thinks im going to hook up with them..hes very controlling.. like if my boobs are out the slightest bit hell get pissedd off .. if by accident i lean over and my thong is out im automatically called a whore. i get called a whore a bitch every word in the book. this is only a number of things i could go on forever sometimes i think he hates me more than he loves me. What about being away from this guy do you think you would consider a major mistake? Make a decision: decide what is good enough for you, and then ACT. Make the decision a good one by living your life fully and not looking back pining over "what if" and fantasizing over what might have happened if the controlling @zzhole who called you whore and bitch somehow one day miraculously changed into a prince. What makes your life good and valuable is who you are and what you do with yourself. Don't depend on your man to give your life value. And unless you've got lots of better positive reasons, don't stay just because you think it might be a mistake to leave. The more likely question to ask yourself is, is it a mistake to stay? Link to post Share on other sites
JennaGennaro Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I can't believe that no one has mentioned this to the original poster. Verbal abuse can more than likely lead to physical abuse. You might as well leave him once and for all and find yourself a man that will respect you, but maybe you need quite a bit of time alone to learn to respect yourself. Putting up with jealousy, name calling, etc., etc., is a recipe for disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crackerjax9 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 thanks its just so hard & i know this is so stupid but i honestly think hes going to be the best looking guy ill ever be with and that makes it 10 x harder...i really love him ..he has a wonderful personality besides all the negativity hes prob one of the most unique people ive met as well Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 There are plenty of good-looking guys out there. It's what's inside that counts. If someone is going to verbally abuse you, they're just plain ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
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