BrianG Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I have not posted in a while and come here periodically when I need motivation for keeping NC and seeking advice on situations that have been covered on this site. We dated for 5 years and lived together for 6 months and well, she broke up with me in Oct. "07" and reached out to me in Aug. "08" inquiring about "being friends" and meeting up before she moved to Cali. I politely declined because I love her and don't want to be "just friends." She got mad calling me a fair weather friend even though she was the one that dumped me and left when things weren't the greatest, which hurt. But here I am now with 6 months of NC behind me, which has definetly helped if anybody is wondering about NC. Been alone for the past two new years and Christmas' and I have not had much luck in the dating arena. I have been out of the dating scene for over 6 years now (about to be 31) and I dont really know what to do. All my friends are mainly married or in serious relationships so when I go out I'm mainly by myself, which is difficult and kinda lonely when trying to meet new people. I still think of her in some capacity everyday, and its been about a year and a couple of months now. I know there is not set time to get over someone, but at times it can be hard on me. Part of me wants to call her and ask for another chance, which I know is stupid and setting myself up for more pain so don't worry (thanks to all the people that encourage NC). Part of me is still sad that she is not a part of my life and never will be. Part of me wants to be friends, but I cannot be friends with someone who I wanted to spend of the rest of my life with them to someone I talk to occasionally. I have been better than I have been in the past six months due to NC, but I still miss her. I am trying to be positive and fighting off a self-defeatist attitude in saying I will not find anyone like her, but at times it can be tough. I am lonely, I hang out by myself most of the time, and it looks like I will probably get laid off soon because of the economy, which means i would have to move to my parents house temporarily. I know i shouldn't think this, but she is a very attractive woman and is probably having no problems in the dating arena, if she does not have a bf now, which I am glad i dont know either way. STAY AWAY FROM MYSPACE/FACEBOOK PEOPLE! Granted i get curious sometimes and I want to check, but I have enough self control to know that nothing good will come from trying to find out. Just having a tough time in my love life and life in general and I needed to vent. Thanks to anyone, who reads this or provides words of encouragement or feedback.
alwayssme Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Hey Brian, I don't really know much about what you do besides work but I would suggest trying new things, maybe taking some classes for fun or going out trying to meet new people..make some single friends, some people you can relate to...also you can talk to a therapist and maybe they can help you with some things.
jc Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 What about online dating? Several of my close friends met the people they are with now on Lavalife. It doesn't hurt to give it a shot, even just to flirt online a bit. And you never know, you could meet someone really great:)
CastingPearls Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 It sounds like you're at a low point and need an emotional lift. The good news is that the hardest part of your old relationship is behind you. You have made it through to the point where you are pushing forward every day, and even though you still spend some time thinking about your old life, it doesn't dominate you. As far as the job situation, if you have to move on and find something else, try to see it as an opportunity to change your life and meet new people, something you have to do anyway, if you want to create a life for yourself. You are at a good time in your life and should be enjoying it fully whether single or attached. Take the ex off the pedestal, and stop believing that there is only one person in the world you can be happy with.
BackonTrack2 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 well congratulations are in order, 6 month NC = good. You've dated 5 years, WOW, hard to leave someone behind whom you've dated that long but if you look at in LIFE TERMS. You've spent a small % of your time together with someone assuming you'll live to be lets say 75, if you do the math, 5 years of 75 life years = 3.75%. I have nothing more to say to you except the common responses. You'll find someone again and you'll be smarter and your next relationship with last twice as long if not for good.
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