Transparency after infidelity

[blackbird]

I've often read that after infidelity, the cheater should give complete transparency to the cheated - access to online accounts, bills, etc.

 

If you went through this, I have questions. Did it truly help your relationship recover from infidelity? Do you think your relationship would have recovered without it?

 

How did your spouse, or you (if you were the cheater) react to giving over transparency? Were they/you happy to do it? Neutral? Reluctant? Resentful? Did they/you have any problems with it, and if so, how did you address it? Did anyone flat out refuse to give transparency, despite wanting to remain in and work on the relationship otherwise?

 

How long did it last, and did you set a time limit on it? (I.e. "I will have complete transparency from you for X months, and then you can have your privacy back.")

 

I demanded transparency from my husband initially, and he gave it to me, but told me that it "couldn't be for forever", that he would want his privacy back eventually. About a month later he changed all his passwords without telling me. When I brought it up, here's what he told me (not all at once):

 

- that it's unhealthy for me to obsess about the past, that he's not doing anything wrong now so I need to let go, move on, and learn to trust him again, and I won't if I'm obsessively reading his emails (which I wasn't doing anyway, just glancing at them every few days)

- that I'm being obsessive and controlling

- that I hadn't been perfect in the relationship either, I had done things to hurt his trust even if I hadn't cheated, I hadn't been perfectly honest with him about everything through our relationship, so why should he have to be the only one who gives up his privacy? At one point he actually demanded, in a rage, that I give him the passwords to all my accounts as well. I actually gave them to him at first, then I felt so sick that I changed the passwords immediately and told him that I'd rather divorce him then give in to such a ridiculous demand.

- that I was violating the privacy of the people who emailed him, who had nothing to do with our relationship.

- that I was sick for going back through his old emails prior to our relationship (I read especially the ones between him and his ex-girlfriend, whom he had also cheated on), and that he felt bad that he had let me have access to those because those people did not deserve to have their privacy violated by me.

 

 

It's my feeling that while there might be some grain of truth to what he says (who wants to be policing or policed by their spouse forever?), these are mainly justifications for him to not have to deal with something that makes him uncomfortable. I'm considering requesting a return to transparency.

[sadintexas]

I didn't know about "transparency" when I caught my now xH cheating, but I found out about the cheating through his phone records. I told him that he had to let me continue to view them whenever I wanted and he agreed.

 

After a while he changed the password for online access. I think he did it after he got mad at me about something, but frankly I can't remember. I was at the point where I didn't care anymore anyway. I was working my way out of the marriage.

 

I heard some of the same stuff that you did. But I think his statements reflected his failure to acknowledge or accept how damaging his actions were to our marriage and to me personally. He kept thinking that I should just get over it after a very short period of time (weeks).

 

I have to say though that I kind of agree with him about you reading his emails prior to when you were married. That seems like an invasion of privacy, privacy that he's still entitled to (pre-marriage). If you're going to go outside of the boundaries of what was within your marriage, then I'd say he's entitled to have your passwords and access too. Don't really know why he'd want to keep any of that anyway, but I still don't think you should be that invasive.

 

Bottom line is that he should be transparent until the trust is rebuilt. If he's not willing to do that, then you still have problems. You have every right to tell him that is something that you must have in order to learn to trust him again. If this marriage is worth it to him, then he'll comply. If not, then he's not worth the effort for you.

[sadintexas]

I forgot to add that this period where transparency is necessary is also the time you're trying to reconcile and rebuild your marriage. It doesn't happen overnight and he should realize that. But both of you should be taking steps to correct the issues in your marriage, whatever they may be.

 

If you truly reconcile and rebuild, then your need for transparency will stop. Maybe he doesn't understand that part and thinks he's just handing you a key forever. No one likes to be "spied" on, which is probably how he views it so maybe take a different apprach and tell him why it's necessary and how you see an end to it in the future (after the rebuild of trust).

[wuggle]

After my Ws affair she is trying to be as transarent as possible and tells me where she is, what she is thinking etc as seems to be the traditional wisdom.

 

Sometimes (but rarely) I need this but often I find it frustrating, I dont want her to feel that she has to tell me everything as I don't want to be checking up on her all the time or have her feel that she needs to tell me this stuff as I think this in itself will do damage to the long term prospects for our relationship.

 

My wife has always been an intelligent, independantly minded person who I feel should only answer to herself. I dont want to feel bad for trying to 'pin her down' and I dont want her resenting me for 'pinning her down'. But I must admit it is frustrating because sometimes (just sometimes) I get those nagging questions in my head (they dont last long though).

 

I am hoping I am right to let her be the guardian of her conscience and I'll guard mine. I don't want to base our future relationship on me checking up on her or her feeling like I'm checking up on her.

[blackbird]

I have to say though that I kind of agree with him about you reading his emails prior to when you were married. That seems like an invasion of privacy, privacy that he's still entitled to (pre-marriage). If you're going to go outside of the boundaries of what was within your marriage, then I'd say he's entitled to have your passwords and access too. Don't really know why he'd want to keep any of that anyway, but I still don't think you should be that invasive.

I agree with that part, actually, and I've apologized to him about it and feel remorseful about it. I don't think he's entitled to my passwords and access, though, no more than I'm "entitled" to cheat and lie to him because he did it to me.

[blackbird]

I forgot to add that this period where transparency is necessary is also the time you're trying to reconcile and rebuild your marriage. It doesn't happen overnight and he should realize that. But both of you should be taking steps to correct the issues in your marriage, whatever they may be.

 

If you truly reconcile and rebuild, then your need for transparency will stop. Maybe he doesn't understand that part and thinks he's just handing you a key forever. No one likes to be "spied" on, which is probably how he views it so maybe take a different apprach and tell him why it's necessary and how you see an end to it in the future (after the rebuild of trust).

 

The stance he's currently taking is that he'll do whatever is necessary, but I need to give him a definite time limit to work towards, i.e. "I'll do this for X months but after that, you have to get over it." What do you think of that? I can't, myself, see putting a time limit on something like personal healing.

 

A girl friend of mine said to me that her father died 13 years ago, and she is only just now starting to get over it. If anyone had asked her 13 years ago how long she thought it might take to come to peace with her father's death, she wouldn't have had the slightest idea what to say. 5 years? 10? Now she knows, "Well, I guess it takes 13 years", but there's no way she could have known without going through it herself. I have no idea how long it's going to take me to regain trust and let go of my anger and suspicious. 6 months? 2 years? How can I put a time limit on something like that and stick to it? Is it right for him to demand a time limit from me?

[wuggle]

Is it right for him to demand a time limit from me?

 

Just a thought, He might not be putting a time limit on you he might be putting it on the relationship and how long it takes to fix. He is possibly thinking that if there is still that level of mistrust after x months (ie so high that he is allowed no privacy at all) then the relationship isn't going to work. He is possibly imagining the same level of mistrust years down the line and how sad that would be to live with it. Can you imagine having to account for your actions and have no privacy or secrets for ever ?

[Holding-On]

Blackbird,

 

The thing that sticks out to me in all this is that he did not inform you that he was changing his passwords.

 

He did not say "Honey, remember how I told you I would eventually need privacy? Now is that time."

 

So I do not see him as communicating with you. Certainly he told you that eventually he would need to have more privacy but he never discussed with you how you two might go about that so that you feel validated. He also didn't tell you when his feelings changed and this lack of ability/desire to communicate would indicate to me that he is still a poor communicator.

 

If my husband did that I would feel like he wasn't really working to build trust between us. That may not be what you feel but I would understand it if you did.

 

 

I guess it is up to you what kind of marriage you want. In some marriages people are more ships that pass in the night. Each spouse has their own circles of friends and interests and this works for that couple.

 

 

If that isn't what you want...Is he open to taking classes, therapy or reading books on how to communicate better? Worse to ask... does he care? Do you feel he wants to be married or truly in his heart prefers to be/act more single?

[blackbird]

Just a thought, He might not be putting a time limit on you he might be putting it on the relationship and how long it takes to fix. He is possibly thinking that if there is still that level of mistrust after x months (ie so high that he is allowed no privacy at all) then the relationship isn't going to work. He is possibly imagining the same level of mistrust years down the line and how sad that would be to live with it. Can you imagine having to account for your actions and have no privacy or secrets for ever ?

 

That would be sad, and I have no doubt that's his fear, because he's expressed as much. That I'll never 'get over it' and I'll hold him accountable for his transgressions for the rest of our relationship, using 'you cheated' as my excuse for justifying every bit of paranoia and violation of privacy, forever. I don't want that either; I have just as much interest in regaining trust and transitioning to a healthy, non-neurotic relationship as he does. But I know it's going to take time, and I honestly don't know and cannot gauge how much time it's going to take. As I said in my other post, it's only been about a month and a half since his last serious violation of my trust (when he created a fake myspace profile to proposition girls for sex), so I do feel like he's being extremely impatient.

[blackbird]

Blackbird,

 

The thing that sticks out to me in all this is that he did not inform you that he was changing his passwords.

 

He did not say "Honey, remember how I told you I would eventually need privacy? Now is that time."

 

So I do not see him as communicating with you. Certainly he told you that eventually he would need to have more privacy but he never discussed with you how you two might go about that so that you feel validated. He also didn't tell you when his feelings changed and this lack of ability/desire to communicate would indicate to me that he is still a poor communicator.

 

If my husband did that I would feel like he wasn't really working to build trust between us. That may not be what you feel but I would understand it if you did.

 

You're right, and good point. I only found out after trying to gain access. When I brought it up, he said "I thought you said you hadn't been reading them so much anyway, and I told you I was going to change them eventually", as if to say "a-ha, I knew you were still checking up on me" - which was true, I had told him I hadn't been reading them AS MUCH, but I was still reading them occasionally.

 

 

I guess it is up to you what kind of marriage you want. In some marriages people are more ships that pass in the night. Each spouse has their own circles of friends and interests and this works for that couple.

 

If that isn't what you want...Is he open to taking classes, therapy or reading books on how to communicate better? Worse to ask... does he care? Do you feel he wants to be married or truly in his heart prefers to be/act more single?

 

Funny thing is, he is actually a great communicator in many ways, and he craves intimacy and openness. We often joke that he's the stereotypical female and I'm the stereotypical male in the relationship because he's the one that always wants to talk about feelings and issues and so forth, whether it's an issue or just a potential issue, and I'm the one who rarely brings things up unless there's a practical reason. Do I think he cares? Absolutely, without a doubt. Does he want to be married? With all his heart, without a doubt. It's the follow-through that gets me.

 

That could make me think, "Well, it's the actions that prove the intent, not the words," but it's not that simple in reality... it's possible to truly want something yet still be stuck in patterns and reactions that belie that, just like someone who is at an unhealthy weight may truly WANT to get in shape, but sometimes can't help reaching for that extra piece of cake or skipping their aerobics class.

[blackbird]

Addendum to the example in the above paragraph: but that person, who is not living up to his/her own commitment to get in shape, is only hurting him or herself.

[sadintexas]

Everything I've read points to 2 to 5 years for full recovery from an affair. But as you said about your friend, no one can say for sure because everyone is different.

 

It is unfair of him to put a time frame on you. To me that's him not really wanting to deal with the pain that he's caused. He'll go along with this for a specified time, but after that you have to be over it and not make him face it anymore. That means it still about HIM. Before you try to get him to realize that, you need to accept that and think about what that means to YOU!

 

The thing they don't get is that overall it's not at all about punishing them, it's about recovering what you've lost. Your trust, faith and belief. He needs to really understand that to be successful at this I think.

[JamesM]

Easy answer...as soon as he is trustworthy, he can have his privacy back.

 

My guess is that the privacy he had in the past is what enabled him to conduct an affair.

 

Transparency will not only give you the reassurance that he is not in an affair or attempting to start one, but it will also put up a "hedge" so that he will not be tempted to start one.

 

Funny thing about those who cheat is that they minimize the damage that they cause. They then think that you should recover overnight even though they destroyed what took years to build.

 

My guess is that the quickest way for you to recover is through the realization that he can be completely trusted. This can only be done if you know exactly what he does every minute of every day. And as time goes on, then he can have a little privacy back as the trust is rebuilt.

 

His actions of changing the passwords will have actually taken away some of the trust that was rebuilt. Now you will wonder WHY he needed privacy.

 

My concern is that if he does not change his ATTITUDE, then this marriage will not make it.

[65tr6]

If you went through this, I have questions. Did it truly help your relationship recover from infidelity? Do you think your relationship would have recovered without it?.

I am still in the initial stages but this is one of first steps for me. My wife completely understood what i was asking her to do.

 

 

It's my feeling that while there might be some grain of truth to what he says (who wants to be policing or policed by their spouse forever?),.

lol, you are kidding right ? Or is it your husband who is joking here ? I havent read your story completely but who committed adultery here ? Hello ??? Did he not completely anhilate your unconditional trust you had in him ? Now he wants it back as opposed to earning it back ?

 

Is he remorseful ? Is there a complete NC ? I would not committ to any time line until you are comfortable. He should be open and honest about his relationship with you.

[Adunaphel]

In my previous relationships I wasn't technically cheated on but my ex partner's behaviour caused me some severe trust issues. Had I been granted transparency, it would have helped a lot.

But I am also such a huge fan of transparency that I would gladly give up all of my privacy if my partner did the same.

 

I think that asking for trasparency until he earns your trust back is a very legitimate request.

 

I also think that he has some points, though.

 

If you truly did something that hurt his trust in the past, I regard his request of having the same access to your private life that you have to his as legitimate, too.

If you both caused trust issues, it would be IMO fair that both of you have the same amount of privacy.

Also, whatever email he wrote before the two of you started dating was none of your business.

 

I wonder if a comprmise could be reached.

What about checking out his email in his presence only?

[2sure]

I dont understand why there is a need for privacy regarding emails or cell phones. I mean, I understand trust is requiredbut my husband and I have complete access to each others stuff. After he cheated I checked his communications, with his knowledge, quite regularly for about a year.

After that , I would do it once in a while when I was having a bad day, feeling insecure, whatever. It has been a year and half now and I hardly ever look at anything. He recenly had to open a new email account through work and I asked him for the password. He got pissed off, said it had been so long, said it was work and none of my business. I told him it made me feel more secure with the marriage if I could have access even if I never used it.

 

I was not like this before we married, before he cheated, I dont like it and have had to struggle with it. I explained to him that I dont even want to check his stuff - which I dont - but I feel like it is my obligation. He reluctantly has agreed, and acknowledged its a small price to pay.

[Owl]

Thanks 2sure.

 

Reading this thread, I thought I was going to be the only one to post that.

 

I'm in a happily recovered marriage, nearly five years after my wife's emotional affair.

 

I don't understand the "need for privacy" at all. On EITHER side.

 

If she wants to read my emails/texts/whatever...she's welcome to do so. She'll be bored outta her mind, but she's more than welcome to. And I expect the same in return. She's got all my email account and pw information. She has free access to my cell phone at anytime.

 

What's fair for one is fair for both.

 

It's a GREAT way to "affair proof" the marriage all the way around.

 

I don't get it...how does not letting your spouse have access to this stuff make you feel better? If there's nothing wrong, nothing questionable, nothing you'd be 'ashamed of'...then there's no reason to feel a need to keep it 'private'.

 

What does that 'privacy' gain you?

 

And on the other hand...what does granting it RISK?

 

I say, tell your husband that there's no NEED for "privacy" in a marriage. It only sets the stage for SECRECY...which is how his affair thrived.

 

Give him your email/IM/phone passwords...insist that he give you his. And don't set a time limit on it.

[2sure]

Yes, sometimes my husband gets irritated and asks why I cant just trust him or when I will. And you know, I do trust him.

 

I have told him I always want access and complete transparency.

Its more of a safety mechinism for his sake than anything else. And thats OK.

 

Having the access to his accounts and cell eliminates me wondering , imagining, paranoid questioning. etc. At least it did when the infidelity was still new. Now, like I said ...I dont often look.

 

When I am feeling insecure and feeling like I did when I first discovered...I tell him: I'm feeling insecure.

 

I am no drama queen, but I do find emotional honesty is the best way to communicate my needs.

 

Now, I fully understand that if he wanted to cheat - he could find a way.

This just makes him think before taking a risk. In our case - it has been effective.

[blackbird]

I dont understand why there is a need for privacy regarding emails or cell phones. I mean, I understand trust is requiredbut my husband and I have complete access to each others stuff. After he cheated I checked his communications, with his knowledge, quite regularly for about a year.

.

 

I don't understand the "need for privacy" at all. On EITHER side.

 

If she wants to read my emails/texts/whatever...she's welcome to do so. She'll be bored outta her mind, but she's more than welcome to. And I expect the same in return. She's got all my email account and pw information. She has free access to my cell phone at anytime.

 

What's fair for one is fair for both.

 

That's interesting. You both think that transparency should go both ways, regardless of who cheated/lied? I can understand why my husband is reluctant to give up his privacy because there can be legitimate reasons for wanting privacy that have nothing to do with cheating/dishonesty.

 

For example, say you're emailing/IMing with a friend about something that is really just between you and that friend, or something private in that friend's life, and you know they wouldn't want a third party having access to that information (say it's something embarrassing, or deeply personal). Or maybe you want to use your email to set up a surprise of some kind for your spouse, or arrange a delivery of a present. Or you're talking things out with a friend about your relationship with your spouse - not necessarily saying anything bad about your spouse or disrespecting them in any way, just having 'girl talk' or 'guy talk'. Do such things never come up in your relationships, or do you just avoid using email for that type of thing?

[blackbird]

Everything I've read points to 2 to 5 years for full recovery from an affair. But as you said about your friend, no one can say for sure because everyone is different.

Just for the record/background, my husband didn't have an affair. He cheated on me with casual sex early on in our relationship, pre-marriage (I didn't find out until about 5 months ago), and he also did a bunch of shady stuff online - posting and replying to craigslist casual sex ads (which he says he never meant to go through with) and making a secret myspace profile to proposition girls for sex, both before and after marriage. I found out about the latter stuff first about 5 months ago along with the cheating, after which I broke up with him then we reconciled and he promised he had changed, that I could trust him, etc Then I found him doing it again about 1.5 months ago by peeking at his computer. There was no ongoing affair with specific people, just anonymous and random stuff, all originating from online.

[Owl]

That's interesting. You both think that transparency should go both ways, regardless of who cheated/lied? I can understand why my husband is reluctant to give up his privacy because there can be legitimate reasons for wanting privacy that have nothing to do with cheating/dishonesty.

 

Absolutely. It's not a 'penalty' to allow your spouse access to your communications with other people if you have nothing to hide. There's nothing in my email, on my phone, or any place else that I would have any issues with my wife seeing. Why should it bother me to let her see those things then?

 

For example, say you're emailing/IMing with a friend about something that is really just between you and that friend, or something private in that friend's life, and you know they wouldn't want a third party having access to that information (say it's something embarrassing, or deeply personal).

 

I don't get into "deeply personnel" converstations with anyone BUT my wife. There really isn't anything that I discuss with someone that I won't discuss with my wife. As a matter of fact, I make it pretty clear to all of my friends that discussing something with me will almost always get back to my wife. I don't hide anything from her...on the contrary, I value her input and opinion a LOT...often she can give a perspective that I've not thought of.

 

I make sure that this is pretty clear up front with all of my close friends. They've learned over the years that she's as trustworthy as I am. And they know that anything they tell me is shared with her...and they're all ok with that. If they're not...they don't share it with me.

 

Or maybe you want to use your email to set up a surprise of some kind for your spouse, or arrange a delivery of a present.

 

Then I tell my wife that there's something in my email that I don't want her to see.

 

She respects that. And...she's done this exact thing with me when orchestrating a birthday present for me year before last.

 

Or you're talking things out with a friend about your relationship with your spouse - not necessarily saying anything bad about your spouse or disrespecting them in any way, just having 'girl talk' or 'guy talk'. Do such things never come up in your relationships, or do you just avoid using email for that type of thing?

 

 

I don't carry on "personal" conversations with anyone but my wife. There is SOME conversation along these lines with some of the guys I hang out with...but again, I don't say anything there that I won't say in front of my wife.

 

Even THIS 'conversation' will probably be the source of some discussion tonite!

 

Can you see where I'm coming from?

 

There's no 'value' added by this 'privacy'.

 

What is that 'privacy' DOING TO HELP YOU? WHAT DOES IT GAIN YOU?

 

But, the opposite CAN be true.

 

SECRECY is the base requirement for cheating. My first indication of trouble was when I realized my wife was turning her monitor away so I couldn't see it when we would sit down at the computer together. It culminated when I clearly saw her trying to close a chat window without me seeing what was in it. That was my "DING!!!!" moment when I truly knew that she'd crossed the line and my marriage was in deep trouble.

 

Turns out that 'feeling' was totally right, too.

 

Just FYI...she, like all other WS's, resented the heck out of my checking her emails/phone/etc... right after her affair was discovered. That same step was also how I found out when OM contacted her AGAIN, trying to restart the affair about two months later.

 

It was only about four or five months after that that she GOT IT. She suddenly realized I wasn't checking hoping to catch her doing something wrong...she realized I was checking to reassure myself that she was doing all the right things.

 

I RARELY bother to look at her email or anything anymore. But the fact is, I have access to do so anytime I choose. I don't mind giving her that same rights to my email...why should I, if there's nothing in there that I would not want her to see?

[anne1707]

Absolutely. It's not a 'penalty' to allow your spouse access to your communications with other people if you have nothing to hide. There's nothing in my email, on my phone, or any place else that I would have any issues with my wife seeing. Why should it bother me to let her see those things then?

 

 

I totally agree with this. I was the WS and the only time I hid things from my H was when I was having the affair. We are now back to where we used to be in that he can look at my phone, email, post, etc any time he chooses (as I can his). There is no longer anything to hide.

 

The trust is shown when you don't feel the need to check. As my H said in this thread I think, I am maybe too open and honest at times but I would rather be like that than be hiding something, even if I am not doing anything wrong and just want to protect his feelings. I am done with the lies and do not want to cause him that pain or show that lack of respect ever again.

[blackbird]

I don't get into "deeply personnel" converstations with anyone BUT my wife. There really isn't anything that I discuss with someone that I won't discuss with my wife. As a matter of fact, I make it pretty clear to all of my friends that discussing something with me will almost always get back to my wife. I don't hide anything from her...on the contrary, I value her input and opinion a LOT...often she can give a perspective that I've not thought of.

 

On the one hand, such complete two-way transparency seems refreshing and I can the potential good in it. It seems like it could be a very trusting, accepting kind of way to be, where ultimately it's not about policing each other constantly so much as feeling secure enough with each other to just not care what they have access to. I don't think my husband and I have been at that place with each other, or anyone else in the past, and the idea of such a relationship does hold appeal to me.

 

On the other hand, I'd wonder if it (complete two-way transparency) wouldn't get oppressive. I wouldn't want to know everything his friends tell him; it's none of my business unless it affects our relationship somehow. I tell him everything that I talk about with my friends which I think may have an effect on the way I think about our relationship, and vice versa, and I think that's plenty enough. For example, last night I was talking to a friend about the difference between communication styles in my relationship and in hers with her husband's, and when I got home, I chatted with my husband about it, just to keep him up to date on what I'd been thinking about as relates to us. But I didn't share with him the explicit details she's giving me on her sex life - not his business, but we girls do talk about that stuff! If he and his friend want to talk about some kind of male issue without having the potential of a female third party 'eavesdropping', I don't think it should be my business either.

 

What about stuff like porn? If either of you watch it, are you completely transparent to the other about it, or do you think that's necessary as long as it's not a problem (just casual viewing, not addiction).

 

A further worry I would have about complete two-way transparency throughout the entirety of a relationship -- and not just as a temporary measure to rebuild trust and to help me get over my paranoia/anger -- would be the potential for such transparency to become a substitute for actual living breathing communication and honesty, where you willingly share with each other what you're thinking instead of just keeping tabs on each other to make sure there's no bad communication with others being had. If I'm making any sense to you, would you say that's ever become an issue?

 

Questions here are for anyone in a relationship with total two-way transparency, not just Owl... all answers/discussion appreciated, and thank you to everyone so far.

[anne1707]

Transparency is not about giving a detailed minute by minute account of your day. But it is about being open, honest and having nothing to hide. If you can achieve that with your H then you will find that you do not need or want to know everything and neither will he. Transparency leads to trust.

[blackbird]

Transparency is not about giving a detailed minute by minute account of your day. But it is about being open, honest and having nothing to hide. If you can achieve that with your H then you will find that you do not need or want to know everything and neither will he. Transparency leads to trust.

 

I can see that, and honestly that's where I would like to be with my husband. It seems to me that what we're both fearing at this point is that neither of us are at a place where we have that trust, so transparency could lead to us policing each other and censoring ourselves wherever they might see it, rather than actually being more open with each other, if you see what I mean. Instead of hiding thoughts that we don't want each other to see, just not speaking of them to anyone at all, which could lead to festering. So what I am wondering now if transparency is even a good idea until such fears have been resolved.