confused_2008 Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Yeah, you actually seem to be regressing. When you started posting you seemed to be setting some goals and were receptive to the advice posted here. Now, it seems, through reading and posting on LS you have become increasingly cynical and bitter. It's easy to see all the negativity here and think that's all that there is. The thing is, people don't usually come here to post the good things, they come with problems. Anyway, you don't want to start looking for a potential partner with this mindest as you will surely fail and that will cause you to regress further.
turnshyness Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 39388 - I see you're venting your frustrations. I understand. Take a deep breath and step back for a sec. Re read your post again...like I mentioned before you really need to stop that pessimism and self-pity. Attitude is everything and girls can see through that...that's all what the OP was saying. Learn to love yourself and things will start to come to you. All this self defeating thoughts of yours are just in your head but the more you keep rehearsing it, the more it will come out and eat you up...that's when the ladies start seeing it and get turned off. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder and do not regress! Keep moving forward!
Author 39388 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 Haha! LOL!!!! Not quite. I stand by what I said. People will treat you the way you expect to be treated. Change your attitude, change your life. But you're not going to listen to anyone here, are you, because you would just rather play the victim role. I wanted a miracle and didn't get it. That miracle was finding a woman compatible with me. I didn't necessarily want pity, I wanted a miracle. I was a nice guy once, at least I think I was. I don't think I even have a heart anymore. Years of wanting a woman and not getting anything have slowly eaten it away. It is frightening what I'm saying now, showing hatred towards random people I don't even know, that might or might not like me in real lfe. The net hides a lot. Right now, I have extreme jealously towards everyone. I'm clearly not ready for anything even resembling a relationship in the state I am in now. It may be awhile, could be a couple of years. Maybe sooner or maybe longer. I will have to have a better attitude. I will have to come to terms with how dating works. I get so mad when I even hear the phrases "dating game" or "playing hard to get" or "being hot and cold" or "relationships are drama". I don't know if I can change this or not. Good luck in your dating Cherry Blossom_35, likestolaugh, confused_2008 and turnshyness. I wish all of you success and am sorry for my harsh and irrational words toward you all. It was uncalled for. Until I am calmed down I don't belong anywhere near a message board like this.
Issues & tissues Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Thanks for the nice message! It gives me some hope that there are high quality women out there who prefer someone like me to the macho type who only cares about themselves that you described. I'd like to send a PM, but it looks like my account does not allow it, maybe I'm too new to the site? I have made significantly fewer posts than yourself yet I am able to use the PM funtion. I suspect you need to change your settings. Looking forward to hearing from you!
turnshyness Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 39388. Dont run away. Remember, keep moving forward. It's okay to vent out your frustration...the internet is actually the best place to do that. lol. Glad that you were able to get that out of your system...at least you didn't take out your frustration to a real girl you're intrested in... Check this out...Issues & Tissues wants to talk to you! Have a conversation with her then! Good luck 398388! Hang in there! I wanted a miracle and didn't get it. That miracle was finding a woman compatible with me. I didn't necessarily want pity, I wanted a miracle. I was a nice guy once, at least I think I was. I don't think I even have a heart anymore. Years of wanting a woman and not getting anything have slowly eaten it away. It is frightening what I'm saying now, showing hatred towards random people I don't even know, that might or might not like me in real lfe. The net hides a lot. Right now, I have extreme jealously towards everyone. I'm clearly not ready for anything even resembling a relationship in the state I am in now. It may be awhile, could be a couple of years. Maybe sooner or maybe longer. I will have to have a better attitude. I will have to come to terms with how dating works. I get so mad when I even hear the phrases "dating game" or "playing hard to get" or "being hot and cold" or "relationships are drama". I don't know if I can change this or not. Good luck in your dating Cherry Blossom_35, likestolaugh, confused_2008 and turnshyness. I wish all of you success and am sorry for my harsh and irrational words toward you all. It was uncalled for. Until I am calmed down I don't belong anywhere near a message board like this.
Author 39388 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 I have made significantly fewer posts than yourself yet I am able to use the PM funtion. I suspect you need to change your settings. Looking forward to hearing from you! I have made enough posts, but I read you have to be a member for 30 days. I've not been on here 30 days. 30 days will be 2/9 or 2/10 for me. If anyone knows of a way I can PM sooner, tell me here. I'll PM you when I can!
turnshyness Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Dont know if this is accurate but I think the premium subscription lets u PM someone. I have made enough posts, but I read you have to be a member for 30 days. I've not been on here 30 days. 30 days will be 2/9 or 2/10 for me. If anyone knows of a way I can PM sooner, tell me here. I'll PM you when I can!
Author 39388 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 39388. Dont run away. Remember, keep moving forward. It's okay to vent out your frustration...the internet is actually the best place to do that. lol. Glad that you were able to get that out of your system...at least you didn't take out your frustration to a real girl you're intrested in... Check this out...Issues & Tissues wants to talk to you! Have a conversation with her then! Good luck 398388! Hang in there! I do need to make major changes like what Cherry Blossom 35 and several others including you have told me. I went after several people in this thread and other threads for no reason other than being angry at the world. I tend to take out anger verbally in real life. There are much worse ways, but this has got to stop. Nobody wants to be yelled at. I need to cool myself down and only then think about dating. I'm not ready to date as of today.
likestolaugh Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 well it's nice to see you having this much more level-headed approach to your issues. I still think that if it's possible you should speak to someone in real life about your issues. Someone with a professional ability to help you out. You don't sound like a bad person, so that may be all it takes to set you onto the right path.
Author 39388 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 well it's nice to see you having this much more level-headed approach to your issues. I still think that if it's possible you should speak to someone in real life about your issues. Someone with a professional ability to help you out. You don't sound like a bad person, so that may be all it takes to set you onto the right path. I need to do something about blowing up at others. I blow up at them, often without reading half their post, as I did here. It is raw emotion and my brain goes completely out the window. I come to regret it an hour or a day later, but the words are always here. The danger of the internet. I'm still kind of edgy and until that is gone I don't even want to think dating. Hopefully it will be gone tomorrow. Several major changes need to be made or at least be started. Only then will I date.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 You already sound calmer. You will find your way. Can you speak to a therapist to learn how to defuse the anger? Don't be jealous. Everyone has problems. Just because things look great on the outside doesn't mean they really are. Also, sometimes things work out really well for people but you don't know the trauma that came beforehand.
allina Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 While I wish you the best of luck, I think you've reached a point in your anger and frustration that would quickly frighten women. Your moods seem unpredictable and brash, something that a woman would not want to explore, even if she found you kind, interesting or attractive on the surface. I think that you can turn this all around and find love. But first you do have to calm down and work on yourself. You will not have any luck dating if you come across like you're going to emotionally lose it at any moment.
Author 39388 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 You already sound calmer. You will find your way. Can you speak to a therapist to learn how to defuse the anger? Don't be jealous. Everyone has problems. Just because things look great on the outside doesn't mean they really are. Also, sometimes things work out really well for people but you don't know the trauma that came beforehand. I will be talking to a therapist about this and know it is something I can overcome. I know the source of nearly all of my anger (feeling lonely and hopeless). I'm rarely angry about anything else. You are right that I should not be jealous. Many things have gone well in my life and I should be thankful for them. The glass is half full thing. I definietly will work on getting myself fixed and once I've made significant progress I work on finding a relationship. Thanks for all of your adivce and I wish you good luck with everything.
Author 39388 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 While I wish you the best of luck, I think you've reached a point in your anger and frustration that would quickly frighten women. Your moods seem unpredictable and brash, something that a woman would not want to explore, even if she found you kind, interesting or attractive on the surface. I think that you can turn this all around and find love. But first you do have to calm down and work on yourself. You will not have any luck dating if you come across like you're going to emotionally lose it at any moment. You are absolutely right that I need to work on my moods. I do feel that the internet does hide things. I don't feel my moods are as unpredictable as they seem. I was simmering inside myself for quite awhile before I made the posts. Anyway, I need to get control of my emotions and stop the negative thoughts in their tracks. One way or another I need to calm down and that is what I'm going to work on. I sometimes feel the world is against me, but now I realize for example everyone in this thread was here to help. I would say over 9 out of 10 negative thoughts I have are in my imagination. Once I calm down the friendships and the dating will be far easier.
Author 39388 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 I'm still worried about the anger, as I've shown in this thread a couple of times. It hasn't come out in any form in a few weeks and I'm doing what I can to counter it. I hardly know it's there on a busy weekday, but I know there is some still inside me on weekends when I talk to nobody. I will keep trying to work on this anger, by talking to a professional and such. There is still not enough contact with others and the whole no dates thing, which is where it seems most of my anger comes from. If I get into a romatic relationship, I'll never again be mad that I am so old and have not had one. On the other hand, getting into this could bring out bad emotions. I'm worried that I will be harsh to people who flake out on me or those who continually lie or play too many emotional games with me. I know these are all possibilities I may encounter if I find someone willing to go out with me. I don't really know how much more I should work on this before I start even attempting to date.
Isolde Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Think of it this way: If you give up an endeavour for good, you have 0% chance of achieving it. If you try there's always a chance and you can live your life knowing you're doing the best you can for you. There's a way of "giving up on dating," that isn't actually giving up at all but more like not being too intense and desperate about it, making it less of a priority in your life (which I admit must be really hard in your situation). It seems to work for some (not all). I'm undecided about the verity of the "it comes when you least expect it" sort of advice. I don't have enough empirical data points to say whether it's true for me or for the average person. However, it IS a technique worthy of trying.
Author 39388 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Think of it this way: If you give up an endeavour for good, you have 0% chance of achieving it. If you try there's always a chance and you can live your life knowing you're doing the best you can for you. There's a way of "giving up on dating," that isn't actually giving up at all but more like not being too intense and desperate about it, making it less of a priority in your life (which I admit must be really hard in your situation). It seems to work for some (not all). I'm undecided about the verity of the "it comes when you least expect it" sort of advice. I don't have enough empirical data points to say whether it's true for me or for the average person. However, it IS a technique worthy of trying. I've decided not to give up. I need to try and have to decide on when. You are right that I have a 0% chance if I don't try. I need to imporve myself and control some of this anger. Most of the anger comes from being upset about being lonely and being dateless. Given this, it may be reason to try sooner rather than later. Hiding the desperation is really tough. I'm not good at hiding my true feelings and unfortunately am very poor at reading people's nonverbal signals. Some women will certainly make it easier for me than others. I want to and try to read them, but I often get them totally wrong. I don't think the "it comes when you least expect it" has worked. When I have not tried, nothing came. It seems I'm going to have to put a lot of effort into this. Some parts of my life such as schoolwork and handling money come automatic to me. Building friendships takes so much effort. Building a relationship might take even more and I will have to give this effort.
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