TheMike Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I thought i'd accepted it by now. I can't quite let it go even though I know it's over, and I know it's permanent. It's been 3 months and we were together for almost 5 years. It was my first real gf and now I'm back to square one. I've spent the time getting back in shape and establishing my career - both of which I'd left to rot in the last few years. Once I got my gf, I felt I had all I needed, and I managed to ignore pretty much every other part of my life - including myself and my own development as a person. That's what I'm getting back now. Sometimes I think I'm destined to be alone, even though I'm a reasonably good catch. I look pretty good, I have a decent job and I've got a solid background. But the sensation of being so alone is very powerful, and even though I have friends - and a few good ones - I just can't seem to make proper use of them. I'm not very good at meeting people and I don't think too much of online dating. I know I should start doing something socially active, I just don't know what. Any suggestions?
here_I_am_again Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You've been through a lot and it's only been 3 months. If I were you, I would just concentrate on yourself for now. Don't even begin to think about dating anyone else! Take at least the next 2 months and make it all about you. Your good friends are there for you and are probably wondering what they can do to help you - let them in! Let them know what you need, how you're feeling and start planning to do stuff with them. The rest of the social stuff will naturally follow. I'm not advising this lightly - I was married, split up and it's took me 9 months to get myself back to 'normal'. He was in my life for nearly 5 years and I was left hollow after it all finished asking myself all the questions that you have listed above. My process would include: 1. concentrate on you 2. let your friends help you 3. give yourself lots and lots of time 4. don't even think about dating - you've got to get used to yourself first! Being alone can often be confused with feeling lonely. You're not alone because you have friends and family that want to help you. You're just feeling a bit lonely now and again - and it's Ok to feel like that. Stop the pressure, give yourself a bit more time and it will all start to fall into place. I promise!
EmperorR Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Ah I know the feeling all to well, but remember you were fine before you and you will be fine without her. It sucks, but you will get over it find a girl who loves you and live a happy life:)
Crazy.S Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Hey man don't rush yourself into a rebound relationship. 5 years is a long time so it is going to take much longer than 3 months to move on. It took me a year to finally accept that it is over. I came out of a 4 year relationship, that was also my first relationship. I agree with here_I_am_again, you need to learn how to be happy being single again. It's not good if you jump into another relationship, depending on them for happiness. Just enjoy being single for now and before you know it you will meet someone who will like. So just chill with your friends and do things you always wanted to do.
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