Leroy_Down Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I'm 34, and this is only my 2nd major break-up. I don't think anything really prepared me for how I would be. I'm now one month and one day in. I was thinking I would write random observations from the last month so that others may read and maybe relate and gain strength from knowing they're not losing their head and that the process is actually similar for many. Observation 1: Unless you are major strong at NC, you will beg! I spent a miserable 2 weeks of begging. Looking at every possible angle. Finding any possible way of convincing her to take me back. Every time i gave up hope, within two days i had convinced myself there was new hope and started again. Each contact lowered my self-worth like you won't believe. I knew there was no hope, and even that I didnt really want to be with her anyway, yet still i could not stop myself from begging and allowing her to continuously trample over the shattered pieces of my heart. Observation 2: NC is f***ing hard. It is like fighting age old natural instinct with every ounce of the core of your being. You write a million texts/emails/phone conversations in your head. Keep them there. Observation 3: Ex's suck. One moment they say you have to walk out of my life now please. You do. 2 days later they text to tell you they have a new baby cousin, or how do I work out the tax on my new job, or why did you delete me from facebook, or i hate you for what you did to me. JEEZ, stick to your guns please Ex's - if you dont want someone in your life, leave them alone and let them move on and heal. Argghhhhhh! Observation 4: You will feel like you are the worst person on the face of the planet. Your self worth, esteem and confidence will be non-existant. You will feel like you've slipped into a big, black empty black hole. You will look in the mirror and feel so ugly that noone else would ever want you and that you will be lonely for the rest of your life. You will feel so alone, yet not want to spend time with anyone else. You will feel like you will never stop crying and this will go on forever. It won't. Observation 5: Force yourself to get out and do stuff with mates. It does help. You will not be able to think of your ex for every second of that day, and at times even realise you hadnt thought of them for 10 minutes. Try and keep motivated. Observation 6: You have to delete facebook/myspace accounts. They become a drug that eats away at your soul. Delete Delete Delete! Observation 7: Don't fight grief, it's there for a reason. It helps us express pain and helps us heal. Observation 8: Bit by bit things do get better. Since going NC I have started to re-focus on myself a bit more and not all on her. NC does help! Please do it. Anytime NC is broken by her or me it feels like a step back a week. I still haven't had a day yet where I haven't cried, but I am crying less and less. Observation 9: It hurts. It really hurts. Loss is painful. But we have to work through it and we will. I think the sooner you accept the lost (try and take as much hope out of your head as you can), the sooner the pain will subside. Observation 10: The losing weight bit is kinda cool. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that! If this has been helpful for anyone I might drop some more random observations as they come to me... Stay Strong Peeps.
bubblegum Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Observation 3: Ex's suck. One moment they say you have to walk out of my life now please. You do. 2 days later they text to tell you they have a new baby cousin, or how do I work out the tax on my new job, or why did you delete me from facebook, or i hate you for what you did to me. JEEZ, stick to your guns please Ex's - if you dont want someone in your life, leave them alone and let them move on and heal. Argghhhhhh! Ha ha this is so true! My ex texted me to tell me the series of DVDs I gave him are great. I didn't know what to make of it, because one of the things I told him during our last conversation was how much I had been looking forward to watching that series together. I couldn't decide if he was being incredibly passive-aggressive by saying how great the DVDs were, or if he was just being incredibly stupid. Arrgggghhhhhhh is right!
here_I_am_again Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 You have just written down what everyone goes through in such a brilliant way, I've actually just printed it off and stuck it on my fridge. I'm only 4 days post-breakup and it stings like crazy. I cry, tell myself to pull myself together, stop and then the wave hits me and off we go again. It's in my head and my thoughts constantly! I'm doing OK although struggling (but winning) with NC (all I want to do is contact him) but we'll have to be in touch at some point to return each others stuff so I'll wait until then. I'd appreciate your advice on my post "No reason he says! Don't believe it I say!". When you go through a break up you feel as though you are the only one in the world to go through it - your post shows that everyone feels exactly the same. Strength in numbers eh?
Recommended Posts