celebray69 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Hi Everyone, I'm back and lately I've been feeling a bit depressed about my LDR. We have been in this relationship for over a year and now he has finally applied for a holiday visa to come over to Canada to study. Problem is he will most likely be studying in a different province away from me because there is nothing available where I live. I feel like telling him that he might as well stay where he is because we will still be long distance even in my country and that coming over here is not going to change anything. I adore him and I want what is best for him but I'm not sure if it is what is best for me. When do you know to end an LDR? Do anyone of you go through sad periods in your ldr? When sometimes you feel like giving up because the distance is too overwhelming? I see all of my friends in happy relationships and I sometimes feel jealous because I don't have that closeness in mine. I'm not sure if the way I am feeling is normal or if I'm really considering ending it. I would be devastated losing him because I feel what we have is really special and I've never found this type of connection with anyone else before. Any inspiration, advice is appreciated...anyone ever defeat the distance?
thegoodlife Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I think what you're feeling is very normal. We all experience our ups and downs in every relationship, even more so in LDR's because the distance can bring you down. And at these times I also think it's normal to contemplate ending it, so don't worry! I think you will be able to find a lot of support in this forum because we've all been there and felt what you are feeling. I think you should talk to your SO about how you're feeling, perhaps he is feeling the same or he will have some positive thoughts to really bring you out of your funk. There comes a point in every relationship after you've been together for a while to decide what the future is/if there is a future for you two. I'm not sure how old you are, or the whole back story to you and your SO, but if you haven't already or haven't recently- talk about it again. If you feel that there is no future for you, then it might be better to end it. I feel that if you know there is not a future it's better to end it after one year, rather than dragging it out and ending it after 4 or 5 years. In that time you both could find someone that you will have a real future with. But my opinion is I think you should stick it out. It's obvious you really love and care about him, and it seems you have a great thing going- so don't end it. I know how much the distance can get to you, but it's getting through the down times that will soon again bring you to the happy times. Good luck!
Author celebray69 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Thank you sooo much for your response! I feel inspired by what you wrote...you are right about getting through the down times, I have to remember that it won't be like this forever, no matter happens, I will be ok. I think one of my main issues is I am always thinking about the future. I want to know what will happen NOW! But life doesn't work like that and I have to learn that when I feel that way, I need to take a step back and realize to take it day by day. Turning a long distance relationship into a short distance one can't happen overnight. I read this really cool quote the other day in a magazine and I totally dig it. "Me and my boyfriend would love to be together forever. But the only way you get to forever is one day at a time."
malika Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You say that he will "most likely" be in a different province, so I take it that means he could end up in your province. I agree with the above advice that you should discuss it with him. He is clearly making an effort to be as close to you as possible, and I think the devastation of breaking up immediately would be worse than trying to make things work. I don't know the exact situation or where you're located, but I would imagine that with some research, you two could find something satisfactory for him to do closer to where you live. Good luck!
Island Girl Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 "Me and my boyfriend would love to be together forever. But the only way you get to forever is one day at a time." FANTASTIC quote! Thank you so much for posting it here. It summarizes my philosophy and how I have gotten through the last almost 7 years. I just haven't ever had it put so succinctly. Some days ARE more difficult. One thing that has helped us is reaching out with an honest conversation about how you are feeling. No one can give you as much strength as your SO who is in this with you. We have often found our hard days are the same days...weird. But we talk and feel stronger afterward knowing how dedicated the other person is and the hurt they feel due to the separation. It helps validate the relationship and the reasons for staying in it even though it may be difficult. What of the option of moving closer to the province he ends up in? Is that an eventual possibility for you as well?
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