nordicbeauty Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Wouldn't normally write about personal stuff like this but got NO one to talk to whatsoever and I'm not coping...cant eat, sleep, hardly get out of bed..just cry. Was with my Ex for 3 years, he left me after 3 years and we were apart for a year. Got back together again and all was going well until recently. Our careers put a strain on things and we started wanting different things, ie me more commitment (come on, it had been 4 years...) whereas he wanted to spend more time working on his career and friends etc. I suppose you can say we had an amicable break up altho it broke both our hearts...he still tries very hard to be part of my life (as we both see eachother as soulmates and best friends) and I don't know if I can't not have him in my life but it's just soooo hard. We meet up and its sooo great and we have so much chemistry and feelings still there. I know we both want a future together and thats what hurts me the most. The fact that he can't make a go off things now and is kind of "putting me on hold", when I still really want us to to be together. He isn't ready and will admit that himself. But what can i do...shut him out of my life when I honestly believe he is the one? Do I wait for a couple of more years? Who knows, he might never be ready...I don't know what to do and I don't know what to do to make it stop hurting!!! It really doesn't help that he was my everything and I really don't have anyone close enough to talk to....help???
FrustratedEnergy Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Wouldn't normally write about personal stuff like this but got NO one to talk to whatsoever and I'm not coping...cant eat, sleep, hardly get out of bed..just cry. Was with my Ex for 3 years, he left me after 3 years and we were apart for a year. Got back together again and all was going well until recently. Our careers put a strain on things and we started wanting different things, ie me more commitment (come on, it had been 4 years...) whereas he wanted to spend more time working on his career and friends etc. I suppose you can say we had an amicable break up altho it broke both our hearts...he still tries very hard to be part of my life (as we both see eachother as soulmates and best friends) and I don't know if I can't not have him in my life but it's just soooo hard. We meet up and its sooo great and we have so much chemistry and feelings still there. I know we both want a future together and thats what hurts me the most. The fact that he can't make a go off things now and is kind of "putting me on hold", when I still really want us to to be together. He isn't ready and will admit that himself. But what can i do...shut him out of my life when I honestly believe he is the one? Do I wait for a couple of more years? Who knows, he might never be ready...I don't know what to do and I don't know what to do to make it stop hurting!!! It really doesn't help that he was my everything and I really don't have anyone close enough to talk to....help??? As much as you want to wait, as much as your heart screams you love this man, as much as your mind tells you you're soul mates... you cannot wait. Someone only becomes ready for something through their own realization. I can tell you, if you stay a fixed part of this mans life and accept a friendship, you will never be gone long enough for him to miss you the way he would need to miss you. Also, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice. You can't put a time line on how much time you are willing to wait. It's not fair to yourself to have to wait and think of him each day. The best thing you can do needs to be done for yourself. If he is meant to be with you, he will be with you. It may take a few weeks, months or years. However, you cannot wait. You will lose yourself in the process if you choose to wait. If you think it hurts now, waiting hurts. There may still be feelings, but he needs to get to the point where he says he's ready to commit to you. Again, the best thing you can do for yourself and the situation is to vacate it immediately! I say this because the sooner you are gone, the sooner he will realize you are gone. This will benefit many things in your life.
Goalseeker Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I agree, I was patient with my ex for years, baby stepping through her fear of commitment and what I now realize is that I should have left early on. I ended up continually adapting to her needs and not fulfilling my own, which on paper seems silly. In the end I am a cheated on man who feels devalued - and its my fault. I allowed to be at some elses beck and call, while they got to put themselves first. I say, put yourself first, recognize and appreciate yourself.. Once you do this you will not be someone elses convenience. You deserve better, and the longer you wait, the longer you abstain from being in a relationship that provides you with the things you desire. I hope you end up doing what makes you feel good about you.
Author nordicbeauty Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thank you guys. You are absolutely right. I'm trying NC now...not spoken for 3 days and believe or not, I feel a little better...so thank you both.
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