FrustratedEnergy Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I have been trying very hard to set my mind straight and make what I'm about to write my current mindset. It works most of the time; however sometimes I deviate. I hope this can enlighten some of you: We spend: minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months thinking about the one we've lost. We think about where they are, what they're doing, who they're with, if they think of us, etc. We ask all these questions. They seem to be of such importance to us. But what about the other questions? What about our well-being. Shouldn't we be asking how we are, what are we doing today. etc? We were so involved in a relationship with someone, it took over. We lost ourselves, and yes, you lost yourself as well because the only thoughts we can put together are ones that worry about someone else. Life isn't about a person. Life is about you. Tunnel vision. We make life about relationships when there is so much more to life than that. A relationship, when you look at it, is such a small piece of life. We should be focusing on ourselves and our success. How many of us are professionals that have a wonderful job to go to each day? How many of us want to climb the corporate ladder? We can't climb that latter is heartbreak makes us weak. How would we ever handle the stress of a workforce? We need to be strong and successful. Success far exceeds anyone who can enter into your life. We base our daily decision on a person, this is wrong. We need to have goals for ourselves. When you go outside today, whether to the store or a friends house. Look around while you drive. There is so much going on in the world around you. So much going on, yet we're only focusing on that one, small piece of our lives. We can fight so hard for someone, miss someone so much. Well, let's focus that energy somewhere else. Let's focus that energy where it will benefit us. It doesn't matter if the person you lost, used the right fabric softener, or you like the way they would fold your clothes, they always had the paper ready for you in the morning or they would call to see how your day was. These are the small details of life. Dependence is a weakness. I've read many posts on here, and like you, I have worried about where my ex was, etc. But honestly, it doesn't matter. What matters is where you are and how you're doing. Society plants it into our minds that we need to rely on someone, that we need someone in our lives. We don't need any relationship really. Relationships get in the way. What did your relationship worries get in the way of you doing today? Probably something amazing! I think it's time we stop focusing on being with someone and start focusing about the things in life which truly matter. We are all fine alone! Let's start living for ourselves and not for someone.
Tony T Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 People who come to LoveShack are like most other people. They DO focus on themselves but also on other aspects of their lives as well. When they come to this forum to discuss relationships, that's what's on their minds at the time. That's the problem they are facing at that particular moment, actually the main reason this forum was founded. In life, we face each day that which is before us. Your post makes it look like people are obsessed with partnerships, lovers, mates, dating, marriage, etc. and that's seldom the case. That is only one part of life that these people live. It's just that when they come here, their purpose is to get that aspect of their lives straightened out. That's what their main concern is at that particular time. While there are certainly times when I am consumed with issues of a special other, I give tremendous amounts of time to: football; food; work; mowing the grass; paying bills; meeting friends for lunch; politics; television and movies; the cost of gasoline; making bank deposits; making sure I stay regular; my health; exercise; getting my hair cut; etc. Each of these issues gets my focus at the appropriate time in my life and in the lives of most others. You wrote above, and I quote: "We make life about relationships when there is so much more to life than that." That may be true for you but for no other sane person on the planet. Again, as humans we take one problem at a time. When we are hurting or having difficulties, we take time out to pour over the issues and correct them or heal from them...only to ultimately move on. On this forum, the goal of most people who are having dating or marriage problems is to sort out their relationships. If there was a category for bowel movements, I would probably post there as well sometimes. Oh, maybe now that I'm thinking about it, I will use the Water Cooler forum for that. Now, I'm really wondering why you think all people think about is relationships.
kizik Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I think it's a pretty inspiring thread. Tony T, the OP is making some generalizations that apparently don't apply to you; why are you putting down his whole thread? This is uncharacteristically challenging of you. Give the guy a break. He's just trying to help.
Surfer Dude Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Great thread. It's a fact that sex/love/relationships are primary motivations in a human's life. People generally think they will find happiness in pretty faces, lots of sex, relationships etc, that they will get out of their misery and depression by hooking up... But after a while when the infatuation burns out, they realize they have reverted to their old ways, to their frustrations, depressions and what not. People should really do self work, because true happiness comes from within and being satisfied with oneself, not from dependence on someone to make you happy.
Recommended Posts