carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 OP, what you're describing is an unhealthy relationship, IMO. Think about that. Even at the friendship level, it's unhealthy. If you're OK with that, then proceed. Life is also about choice Do not drink for a month. The DT's will suck. Yes, you'll have them, even though you think you don't drink that much. I'll bet, once you do, your mind will be far clearer about a lot of things. Personally, as a man, I would assess a woman's "feelings" on the totality of the signals she sends me, not just the sexual stuff. Life experience has taught me that some women treat sex as sport or a recreational activity, similar to some men, and there is no emotional content to it. However, there are other signals from interaction that I pick up on. No, I'm not going to post a list. Being sober is first on the list
sweetgirl99 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 In my opinion, I think you should be honest with how you feel. I have been in the situation where I have been in love with my best friend of ten years, so I know how it feels. I never slept with him, but I know how much emotions are involved and how much it hurts to be pushed out of someones life with NO closure. Trust me, talking about it and getting SOME type of closure to the situation (either good or bad) is better than none at all
SunshineTomorrow Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 If he has already told you that he doesn't want a relationship, sounds like it's a done deal. But...that was before sleeping together, no? Sex while drunk with someone you are interested in usually doesn't turn out well, but what do you have to lose? Just ask him if he sees this going anywhere. Either he'll say no, and you won't feel much worse than you do now, or he'll say yes, and you'll have what you want. I hope it works out for the best for you.
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 I do get it he doesnt love me. but he must have some sorts of feelings for me as we slept together??I just dont know how to deal with that without losing our friendship. do you think maybe i should just walk away from him completly and that includes walking away from the friendship??????
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 In my opinion, I think you should be honest with how you feel. I have been in the situation where I have been in love with my best friend of ten years, so I know how it feels. I never slept with him, but I know how much emotions are involved and how much it hurts to be pushed out of someones life with NO closure. Trust me, talking about it and getting SOME type of closure to the situation (either good or bad) is better than none at all what happened with your situation sweet girl???
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 If he has already told you that he doesn't want a relationship, sounds like it's a done deal. But...that was before sleeping together, no? Sex while drunk with someone you are interested in usually doesn't turn out well, but what do you have to lose? Just ask him if he sees this going anywhere. Either he'll say no, and you won't feel much worse than you do now, or he'll say yes, and you'll have what you want. I hope it works out for the best for you. That was said drunkenly last night before we slept together for the second time. he said ha couldnt give me what he wanted to give me right now that he wasnt in a positon too. but he just said that, i never even asked or brought it up. i just said i didnt know if i wanted us to sleep together
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 ps: and what does everybody think about the getting my period thing??? is he horrified?
SunshineTomorrow Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Sorry OP, I just realized there was a second page to this thread and realized my first response was a little late. It depends on what you are willing to do, and what you want from this. If you truly want to be with him and he doesn't, then continuing sleeping with him will eat away at you. And continuing a friendship may hurt just as much. But if you think you can move past your feelings with him and continuing a friendship and you would rather do that then back away, then maybe that's best. It sounds like a tight situation, and I'm truly sorry you have to go through this and understand what you're feeling, as I have been in this situation before myself. Ultimately, what you'll have to do is look inside yourself and determine what you truly want in relation to what can be. It's a matter of deciding what is best for you and what you can handle out of this situation. All the best to you.
wuggle Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I do get it he doesnt love me. but he must have some sorts of feelings for me as we slept together??I just dont know how to deal with that without losing our friendship. do you think maybe i should just walk away from him completly and that includes walking away from the friendship?????? Talk to the guy sober - you may be able to have a relationship , you may not. The only sensible thing to do is talk to him and see if there is any chance of a relationship. ANything else is just silly and delusional. Talk to him. Sober.
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 what did you do sunshine
anne1707 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 That was said drunkenly last night before we slept together for the second time. he said ha couldnt give me what he wanted to give me right now that he wasnt in a positon too. but he just said that, i never even asked or brought it up. i just said i didnt know if i wanted us to sleep together You talked about sleeping together which was the prompt for him to say he did not want a relationship. Yes, it was whilst drunk which is why you need to speak to him when you are sober. ps: and what does everybody think about the getting my period thing??? is he horrified? Stop worrying about this. You said there was not a mess. If he's horrified, he's not worth bothering with anyway.
Sarcasticks Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Been friends with this guy for ten years. We have the same group of friends. Nothing has ever happened before although if I am honest I have had feelings for him for a while. Found out on new years from a mutual friend that he had said he has feelings for me. Last night we went out with all of our friends got drunk and ended up having sex. Woke up this morning and he said it shouldnt have happened but that he enkoyed it. where do I go from him.. advice and other peoples experiences with sleeping with a best friend please... Damn this is weird, I had sex with my best friend the same day as you did. We got drunk and I remember the whole thing. Can't say I don't want it to happen again. If it works for the both of you, then you might as well go with it.
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Its such a **** situation. isnt it?
SunshineTomorrow Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 what did you do sunshine Well, after being in the same situation you are in for a while, it finally just petered out. We had been sleeping together when we were drinking for some time, and nothing ever actually happened relationship wise. Eventually, we just stopped, and I still wish I hadn't let it go on as long as I did. But I think I understand how you feel from that experience, I did hope that because we were sleeping together, he had feelings for me, and that we would eventually have a relationship. This is why I would suggest not continuing to sleep with him, because it just becomes comfortable for the person who doesn't want more, and it just hurts you when you want a relationship with them. As far as keeping the friendship, I did in my experience with this situation, but it was difficult at first. It sounds as if you are closer friends with this person than I was in my experience, so it may be more difficult, but it also may be worth it to keep the friendship, depending on how much he means to you as a friend.
Author brenda collins Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 did u talk to him? how do u know he didnt have feelings for you??
MN randomguy Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 but he must have some sorts of feelings for me as we slept together?? I thought everyone knew that guys can compartmentalize sex. I could give you a list of celebrities that I have no respect for as a person. However, get me drunk and give a chance, I'd be all over them. I just dont know how to deal with that without losing our friendship. do you think maybe i should just walk away from him completly and that includes walking away from the friendship?????? This is the hard part that makes it extra hurtful. I understand it happening the first time. But, then you told him how you felt. The second time, he should have never let that happen. He should have never let your friends drop you off with him. This is what leads me to believe he's using you. I don't know much else about this guy. But, I'd question his valuing you as a friend.
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