tuscansun Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 okay, to get right to the point...my ex and I just made up after a year of post-break up fighting. I finally got the phone call that I thought I had been waiting forever to get. you know the "I made a mistake I'm still in love with you and I'm sorry for everything i put you through" call. Catch is, he started dating someone new last year which is why everything got so ugly. He didn't cheat but we were still very much emotionally involved (we had been together for 3 and a half years) and sometimes physically involved so, do the math. Anyway, throughout the mess he kept emphasizing this desire to be friends with me which I thought was absolutely ridiculous especially while he had a girlfriend. He's in a different city so it wasn't an issue of things getting innapropriate, I was just pissed he was seeing someone and I refused to be on the side and watch it all. The super lame part on his side is, the way he got involved with this girl was awful. I dont know if she was desperate, an easy catch for him but he's made it kinda clear to her that in September he's moving back to my city (not cuz of me but because of work..well thats what he says). And she's chosen to stick with him anyway even though she knew me, knew how serious we were, knows that I'M here and knows that he's not in it for anything serious. Supposedly she even knows that he's not over me but is 'okay with it since I'm 150 miles away"...i don't get it. My ex emailed me saying that he couldn't pretend that he doesn't secretly hope that if we can learn to get along as friends he hopes things will progress when he moves back and we can be better and stronger than before. I refuse to discuss stuff like that with him right now. i just say if and when he gets back, then MAYbe we'll talk about that but right now I want things light and friendly, no drama. He's agreed and we're getting along fabulously. However, already there are wierd moments...like it's very clear he's testing my waters to see if I'm open to reconciliation. I dont know what to do. Last year was hell for me when he started dating that girl. She's a co-worker of his that I actually used to see at the staff parties and stuff and my ex and I would always kinda joke about how much she drank and all the guys she would "see". Just to give you an idea they're lawyers and her last 'relationship' was with this bailliff who turned out to be married with three kids and when she found out she got, not mad, but more depserate and she actually sorta stalked him on a small level before he finally had to tell her 'enough'. I know my ex was really hurt about our break-up and everyone rebounds including myself but it really hurt a lot. We've put each other through so much stuff and I'm glad we've had this year apart to detach and grow up and if we did get back together it could potentially be great, but a lot of me is none to impressed with how he chose to handle things. I feel like I dealt with the pain, I went back to church, healed my heart, hung out with friends, pursued my music and went back to school and did all this productive stuff and he just dealt with it by jumping into bed with the office tramp. It was very unlike him, he's all conservative and shy. So much respect is lost and when I talk to him sometimes I feel like he has an agenda...what is he doing and what should I do?
Geishawhelk Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Never go back. He's immature, you're fragile. Not a good combination.
cabarc1 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Omg your story sounds identical to mine!!! We dated 5 years and after the breakup we still hung out. I've done nothing but better myself with school and getting a house and he (also being conservative and shy) gets involved with a skank from work. She supposedly also knows that he hasn't ruled me out and yet still stays with him and is madly in love with him. I just find her so stupid, i couldn't let myself get involved with someone who doesn't know what he wants and has left a possibility of MAYBE getting back with his ex. I have stayed away from him and have tried no contact. He has broken it. They were going out for 5 months and he still gets me an expensive xmas present and tells me about how he misses me and still has all my stuff because he in his head hasn't ruled the possibility of us working things out. She doesn't know that he's talked and kissed me(shame on me for going along with it i know)!! All i can say is don't talk to him!!!! Like my ex....yours is immature as well by not handling things responsibly! You don't jump into a new relationship if you are still hung up on your ex. Don't talk to him and maybe he will grow up! Either way, we deserve better!
Author tuscansun Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thank you so much for that seriously i needed it. Things were going along okay there for awhile as friends and then today I couldnt help but mention the GiNORMOUS PINK ELEPHANT in the room which is, HELLO, you're still WITH ms. Skankalicious. I told him I couldnt stand the idea of me just waiting for him to return here with open arms. Its just not right. Has he responded? Of course not, because he can't think of anything to say that will not make him sound like an ******* and/or send me right back out the door again which is pretty much where Im at. SO frustrated...so annoyed. I was doing fantastic and I hate that I gave him even the slightest bit of power back...THis dude is ten years older than me you would think hed have some type of maturity...things are so much easier when love isnt involved : (
D-Lish Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I'd put my foot down (on yourself)... And have no further communication with him while he is with someone else. He sounds immature! If he really wanted a reconciliation, he would break up with the girl and make an honest attempt with you. What are his reasons for continuing with her? Why doesn't he get to have a say whether or not she follows him when he moves? If he was serious about you, he'd break up with her, bottom line. I couldn't go back to someone after they were with someone else. I'd never be able to reconcile with that knowledge.
cabarc1 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah i totally feel for you! I did the same thing with giving him the power back. When i went to his house on xmas to leave the present he got me,(i hadn't seen or spoken to him in 5 weeks), he comes pulling up. I Immediately started crying because NC was officially broken, even though he had already kinda broken it by sending me the gift to start off with. Even so i couldn't get my words straight, it was unexpected and all i managed to do was show that i was still really hurt by him and that i still had feelings. I was so mad at myself!!!! All i did was buy him more time and let him know i was still there. Well this thurs will be 3 weeks of NC, hopefully it will actually last this time. I made it clear to him that he is to NEVER EVER contact me unless it's to speak about us. Don't let him talk to you whatever you do. Ignore his calls, texts, etc..... He is only gonna use you as a crutch. In all honesty, could you really go back to him knowing that he is pushing you to the side for a piece of trash??? I ask myself the same thing and it burns me up inside because i was always a good girl!
Recommended Posts