iwanttolive Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I don't know what to do anymore. I thought really hard and I ended with nothing but a throbbing head. Someone just tell me what to do. I'm so tired. Well, my relationship is hanging. We did not exactly break up but he said he wanted to take things slow. I guess our problems were: 1) We got together too fast. We were consumed in passion and soon it burnt out and there was no real bonding between us. 2) I was his first gf in his 31 years of existence. It was a drastic change for him to suddenly have someone to take care of. 3) He does not know what relationship is all about. That the initial passion will subside but you continue to bond. He may know all these but he may not be ready to accept this. 4) He's very close to his group of friends and I could not click with them. They are really exclusive and often joke about past stories which I could not relate. He wants me to continue hanging out with his friends but I find it such a pain to hang out with them. My mood would be affected cos I would be really bored and it would ruin the day. He claimed that he still loves me and he misses me even more when we do not meet so often. But I believe, if we continue to be like this, the love will just die slowly. I'm very unhappy now because I don't know what holds for me at the end of the road. Almost every single moment, I would think about him and our problems and the best way to handle it. But I found no answer. Should I initiate a break up with him? If I break up with him, maybe he would do something and stop thinking that I'm always available to him. And maybe I would command his respect for taking control of my life n relationship. But I don't have the courage to do so. What if I lose a really great guy just because I lack perseverance? Or should I 'play' the push-and-pull act? I'll be sweet to him but make myself unavailable? But won't that be tiring for me? I might be unhappy as well. But if I break up with him, will I be happy? What if I regret?? Pls, someone help me! I'm going crazy.....
Geishawhelk Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 You're over-thinking this. you're trying to think for the both of you, so you need to stop this. Stop trying to guess his feelings, his motives his standpoint, his experience. You can't do this. All you can do, is to ignore his aspect just for a minute, and think about what you want - and don't want - to do. You already know you don't want to mix with his friends. Fine. Don't. Nobody's holding a gun to your head. Ask yourself: where do I see this in 5 years' time? If your first response is "ugh...." *shudder* - then you have your answer. He needs a lot of time, effort, energy and emotional investment. Nobody's obligating you or coercing you into having to do this. If this is all too much, agree to be friends, but you have to move on. Full stop. Then, put the ball in his court. Mr. Indecisive can't have it all his own way.
Author iwanttolive Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 you're trying to think for the both of you, so you need to stop this. Stop trying to guess his feelings, his motives his standpoint, his experience. You can't do this. Geisha, you're spot on. Thanks for knocking some sense into my head. So I should just tell him "let's just be friends"? I have a childish reason for this. I don't want to be the one dumped. I don't want him to tell me one day "I think it's not working out, let's just be friends"
Geishawhelk Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Why do children not do silly, or potentially dangerous things? to stop hurting themselves. Simply because ostensibly, we're grown-ups, we still need to practice some safety measures. Go ahead and tell him: "Look, this is all well and good, but whilst you take your time making your mind up, I'm going to call it quits for now, and suggest we just remain friends. You go your way, and enjoy. I'll go mine and do the same. If our paths happen to 'collide' again down the road, great. if not I hope something comes together for you. I'd like to be happy. I wish you the same."
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