finkelstein Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 ive been single now for about 11 months and have never had a relationship last longer then a few months. come to think, 2 out of the 3 i was cheated on. and it feels as if now im starting to lose faith in my self, and im dont wanna be in the self pitty, what is wrong with me state anymore. so im just curious to see what other peoples stradgey for dealing with lonelyness (if their is such a process). (other then the obvious answer of gettin a GF) gracias
39388 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 ive been single now for about 11 months and have never had a relationship last longer then a few months. come to think, 2 out of the 3 i was cheated on. and it feels as if now im starting to lose faith in my self, and im dont wanna be in the self pitty, what is wrong with me state anymore. so im just curious to see what other peoples stradgey for dealing with lonelyness (if their is such a process). (other then the obvious answer of gettin a GF) gracias I'd try to get yourself involved in activities that you enjoy, especially with others. It has helped me some of the time, though I'm not doing well now. It is not easy! Also, remember that some people struggle much worse than you do. I'm almost 35 and no dates ever and struggle all the time with lonliness. You have hope for sure, much more than I do. 11 months single is not so long in the grand scheme of things.
Author finkelstein Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 your absolutly right i shouldnt even complain, but i feel as if i am missing the fundamental part of pre to beginning adult hood. like as if theirs a huge party on the block and the mailmans stuck in the snow with my invitation in his bag.
V.Vixen Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 your absolutly right i shouldnt even complain, but i feel as if i am missing the fundamental part of pre to beginning adult hood. like as if theirs a huge party on the block and the mailmans stuck in the snow with my invitation in his bag. We've all felt that way a time or two. Remember this... sometimes that party that you didn't get invited to is a lame one anyway and you are better of staying home.
39388 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 your absolutly right i shouldnt even complain, but i feel as if i am missing the fundamental part of pre to beginning adult hood. like as if theirs a huge party on the block and the mailmans stuck in the snow with my invitation in his bag. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't complain. I was hoping that by telling you that some like me have it much worse, it might ease your lonliness pain ever so slightly. Yeah, its really tough and sometimes you just have to vent. Persoanlly, I feel like I've missed out on so much and am trying to figure out how to stop missing out.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 My guess (I could be entirely wrong here) is that you get very anxious in social situations. I know a few people like that. I am one to an extent. When I meet new people I clam up a bit more. All my friends know me as extremely sarcastic and pretty confident because I don't care what people think. When I am around a bunch of new people I tend to slow down and clam up a lot more. You need to find a way to go out and be comfortable. Don't necessarily go out hunting for girls. Go out just to have fun. Grab a buddy or two and head to the bar to see what is happening. Go to a comedy club or something. You can meet new people in all sorts of situations. Go do stuff that you already enjoy and if you meet a girl there that actually enjoys it as well you already have a great stepping stone. Bars are a hard place to actually meet women unless you are very very good at conversation or your Brad Pitt.
Author finkelstein Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 My guess (I could be entirely wrong here) is that you get very anxious in social situations. actually you hit the nail on the head. ive ben dealin with it for quite some time, oddly i dont even know why i feel or act that way, even a profesional couldnt help. i mean i got some things going for me but when ever im around new people or even people i havnt talked to in a while my brain justs shuts down.i can think of nothing to say other than "so..., how bout them red sox"and its truly not that i care what they think of me. ive made plenty of enemies one more dont matter. i just never seem to want the attiention, or i reject it. its just all crazyness
39388 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Keep trying. You have many many years. If you give up and I mean completely give up and do so for many years you could end up like me. I am sure that will not happen to you, especially given the fact that you have had dates before. I try to initiate conversations, but most people seem to put up a shield for who knows what reason. It is like they know I've never had a date, like they can smell it. So hard to explain in words.
LoveLace Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 My last long-term relationship ended 13 years ago...since then nothing meaningful has lasted more than 2 months for me. And I'm an outgoing person with a huge network of friends, yet meeting special people rarely comes my way. I"m 32 and watching 90% of my friends raise their families. It sucks. But I basically just try to immerse myself into the things that I enjoy doing and try to make things fun as much as possible. It isn't always that easy, but most of the time I manage to feel fulfilled with myself in some way or another, even though I know a giant piece of my puzzle is missing. It's hard to explain how to do this exactly, but it takes work and focus, mentally, to make it this way. One way I cope is everytime I hear a commercial on the radio from the local diamond retailer, I change the channel right away - otherwise I actually get upset that no one is buying me any kind of jewelry or anything else anytime soon.
ruggy Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Never really bothered me. Yea, it would be nice to have a gf/relationship, but if it does not happen, it no big deal. I would feel like crap after one dies down, takes a few weeks and move on. I sometimes feel it is better alone and just not giving a ****. Then again, it can get to you when you see others together and you are not. There have been years with out a relationship, again, does not really bother me that much. There are moments where it can be difficult, but I would just move on. Some people are meant to be with someone and some are not. It is as simple as that. Looking at my track record, I would be amazed if this one I am courting works out. Not that I am not trying, its just I have become numb in a sense to this part of my life. It is like an accessory (in theory - no degradation towards women). Where I can live fine by myself or with someone. Its just the way it is; for me at least. Probably not the norm for most people though. We all want the prefect life and relationship, but sometimes it is just not in the cards. Welcome to life.
Author finkelstein Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 Welcome to life. i know right, aint it a b*tch. thank you all for you helpfull words, the way i figure now it would be my best bet would be to just chill for a bit and let things roll. around here i know all the people so tring to find new friendly faces is imposible, unless i comb the high school. but hopefully i will be accepted into college ( interview this tuesday, so stoked!!!) from therew hopefully i cant give my self a fresh start and leave the allways nervous, over kind, part of me behind. if what doesnt kill you makes you stonger then i guess my heart could bench 150lbs fink
LoveLace Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I know it's been said but you are so young, and when you go to college you will meet all kinds of new people and if anything will all be such a learning experience when it comes to dating/women. College is usually a giant open door for meeting new people and sharing new experiences.
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 College is the best place to meet someone.... I know how you feel, I read all your things... Just have fun doing what you love to do, focusing on yourself first will help you get more comfortable later in social situations...
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