he112pay Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Here goes: I was seeing a guy for a month. He was somebody I knew years ago, although not really well, but I had a big crush on him back then. So when I ran into him I asked him if he would like to go out "as friends" sometime. He called the very next day and we went salsa dancing with a group of people that night. We had such a good time that we started dating and he was leading the relationship on by his words and acts -- calling every day, seeing each other a lot, telling me how much more he wanted to be than friends, etc. etc. So after about three weeks he wanted to sleep with me but I said I wasn't ready and preferred to take things a little slowly and see how the relationship went. I also told him that I really did like him and hoped that things worked out for us. He was always kind, faffectionate, fun, and respectful. We really had a good time together and I was falling in love. I was very happy. He took me out to dinner the friday after that and the entire night he acted like a complete jerk. He looked like he barely bothered to dress for the date and said and did some very rude things which I won't even mention. He was unaffectionate and acted very distant. I felt extremely uncomfortable and freaked out so asked if there was a problem but he said there wasn't. I told him I was uncomfortable and to please take me home which he did. Well, I figured the relationship was over, but he called the very next day, then the next, So I told him that I was getting very mixed messages and asked what was going on. He didn't say he didn't want to see me any more, but did say he didn't want to date somebody with a young child because he wants to be the center of a woman's world. My son is 13 and a great kid so I was quite shocked, especially since he knew of my son already and even asked him to play a game of chess. I told him that he will never be the center of a woman's world all the time, that every adult has other people and responsibilities in their life. But that didn't work. So we broke it off. Now the problem is, I have been obsessing about him for the last two months and am still wondering why something that seemd so wonderful ended so harshly. I stopped going to the dances because I had been going with him and his friends and am embarrased by the situation. Also, I saw him a couple times after that and I hurt all over again. I was mortified, felt insulted, and was very, very angry. I really miss the dancing but don't have any other people to go with and would just die if I went myself and saw him there. At first, he was calling me about the dances but I wasn't going because I wanted to get over him, but now I want to go back to the dances and a little of me still has some hope. Basically, I'm just so troubled that this entire thing happened and happened so fast. I just don't understand how somebody could be so affectionate and nice and then turn on me like a snake. Has anybody else been through this scenerio? Why does this sort of thing happen?
Geishawhelk Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Not to me, but this has happened before on this forum, that a lady was dating a guy, and she had a son, and shortly before moving in together, the BF basically told her that he didn't like her son, at all. The poor little kid was 12 or 13, and was just an ordinary young boy. This shocked her so much, it was a dealbreaker for her. Bottom line: Nobody, but nobody has a right to expect to come between you and your son, now or ever. They take you, they take your son, done deal, complete package. You're well rid of him trust me, and this would have just led to feuding, ressentment, taking sides and arguments. Really, let him drop, he sounds very egotistical and self-centred. Not 'dad' material at all. Let him go and make his own problems. You do what you know you should do. Find a guy who loves and accepts the both of you, no moaning.
Ronni_W Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 am still wondering why something that seemd so wonderful ended so harshly. My best guess is that it ended the way it did because that guy is self-centered. People who want to be the centre of everyone else's universe can be "harsh" (insensitive, unsympathetic, mean-spirited, cruel) when they do not get their own way. They can also be charming (charmingly manipulative) when they are still in process of 'hooking' someone. You are correct that it only seemed wonderful -- for the long-term, it was not going to actually be wonderful for you.
Author he112pay Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 Thank you both for your responses....you are both correct and I appreciate your responses as I needed to hear it. I am such a nice person and have a hard time when others are insensitive and self-centered. I know I am better off without a man who has to have it "his way or the highway". Thanks!
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