My kids better not ever do this!

January 11, 2009

I thought he was about 13 or something!! At 17 I would expect him to pay his way unless it was outlined by my child that his family were going through things .. I would be inclined to help if my child and he were close friends and I could afford to fill in any gaps. Awkward situation. I guess that I would see his behaviour as being rude.

Gosh, I would not like to be placed in that situation. I would be VERY annoyed if my children were to do that to someone else.

Regards,
Eve xx

If we had invited him to ride along, as a friend, I would have offered to buy his meal. But since he invited himself along and then spent his money unwisely leading him to ask me to buy his supper it does tick me off.

I would be very upset if my kids did this too. I would be mortified and felt awful that my kids would be so rude as I raised them (or thought I had) better than that.

My kids aren't perfect, but I don't think they would ever be so rude to ask for money.

Thanks Eve for understanding why I feel the way I do. Like you said, he isn't a young child, but almost an adult.

January 11, 2009

Mopar, I think what you did was great. It was a sacrifice that the Lord calls on us to make from time to time. I understand the young man is 17, but it appears he hasn't been taught the things you taught your children. You have an opportunity to do that with him. If he is around and your family he may pick up some of your values. I don't understand why you feel this way, but that doesn't make your feelings less real or valid.

You have a way of doing things that work for you and your family, and you can't understand why another parent hasn't taken the time to prepare their child as you have done yours. Let this one go. If he asks again, explain to him he will be expected to buy his own lunch and gently nudge him. Make a teaching moment. You can have a positive impact, even if it a small one.

January 11, 2009

I dont know, kids can drive a person crazy. My daughter blew all the money I gave her the other day when she visited a friend on sweets and other crap which was NOT agreed. I wont tell you how much money she spent, it will probably get you mad even though it is not your child. Then she had the audacity to ask for more when she came home! and was surprised when the answer was 'no'!

... I dont get remotely angry. I have recognised that it is better to step back and talk calmly about the situation. Mainly because I simply dont think that kids see us as people with struggles .. maybe they are not supposed to (?) Even when they are 17! My eldest is 20 this year and only now is starting to understand the value of money!

All I can say is talk to your son about his friend and maybe you could help someway within his friends development ... just naturally. Never underestimate how important moments such as these actually are. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, other people are involved in the raising of our children. Sometimes they do embarrass us but we MUST still Parent, whether they are ours or not.

You can get through this, even if harsh words have to be said.

Regards,

Eve xx

January 12, 2009

Mopar, I think what you did was great. It was a sacrifice that the Lord calls on us to make from time to time. I understand the young man is 17, but it appears he hasn't been taught the things you taught your children. You have an opportunity to do that with him. If he is around and your family he may pick up some of your values. I don't understand why you feel this way, but that doesn't make your feelings less real or valid.

You have a way of doing things that work for you and your family, and you can't understand why another parent hasn't taken the time to prepare their child as you have done yours. Let this one go. If he asks again, explain to him he will be expected to buy his own lunch and gently nudge him. Make a teaching moment. You can have a positive impact, even if it a small one.

bent, b4 you even posted this I was having the same thoughts as you, about the Lord calling on me to help this child out. I was having the thoughts last night when I was really angry about it. I tried to find the blessing in this and while I was glad I could help him out I'm still a little miffed about it. The reason why is b/c his mom gave him money to use for food and he chose to use it unnecessary things that lead him to having to ask borrow money from me. Obviously his mother didn't teach him it's rude to ask other ppl's parents for money.

What lesson did I just teach this child by just giving into him and giving him money? And TBH, I think I should have just bought him a couple of $1.00 sandwiches and a glass of water and told him that is all I could spare. He chose to spend his money on things he did not need, I shouldn't have to be the one to bail him out for his mistake. That is not teaching him a lesson at all by just giving into him. Lord helps those who help themselves, right?

Thanks for replying to my thread bent.

January 12, 2009

I dont know, kids can drive a person crazy. My daughter blew all the money I gave her the other day when she visited a friend on sweets and other crap which was NOT agreed. I wont tell you how much money she spent, it will probably get you mad even though it is not your child. Then she had the audacity to ask for more when she came home! and was surprised when the answer was 'no'!

... I dont get remotely angry. I have recognised that it is better to step back and talk calmly about the situation. Mainly because I simply dont think that kids see us as people with struggles .. maybe they are not supposed to (?) Even when they are 17! My eldest is 20 this year and only now is starting to understand the value of money!

All I can say is talk to your son about his friend and maybe you could help someway within his friends development ... just naturally. Never underestimate how important moments such as these actually are. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, other people are involved in the raising of our children. Sometimes they do embarrass us but we MUST still Parent, whether they are ours or not.

You can get through this, even if harsh words have to be said.

Regards,
Eve xx

LOL Eve, I wont get mad at what your child spent. I only get mad at what my own children spend on stupid things and then they have no money for things they really want. My kids know and understand the value of money. It has been something I have taught them from the time they were preschool aged. We always made shopping a learning experience if they had their own money to use on something.

I don't know if I want my son to be friends w/ this kid. I mean he is a nice kid, I do like him, I just don't think it would be the best choice. I wont get into why. I like my son's present friends. This kid that borrowed money from me isn't in my son's grade and he does not run around w/ the same group of kids. He is more of an acquaintance b/c of being team members.

January 12, 2009

Who sends their kid out for the day (covering lunch and dinner) with only $10?

I can see why you think it was rude. But he must have felt pretty *****ty to have to ask for a mere $6. It was rude of him but in his defence his mother should have known better. My mother never would have sent me out for the day without at least $20.

I hope he said thank you at least.

January 12, 2009

Sorry, DP, don't know what happened.

January 12, 2009

Who sends their kid out for the day (covering lunch and dinner) with only $10?

I can see why you think it was rude. But he must have felt pretty *****ty to have to ask for a mere $6. It was rude of him but in his defence his mother should have known better. My mother never would have sent me out for the day without at least $20.

I hope he said thank you at least.

He did say thank you but I don't know if it was for the ride, the meal, or both.

TBH CE, I don't think it bothered him one bit to ask me for money. If he was going to be bothered by asking me for money he would have spent his money more wisely. He knew were going to eat supper after the meet yet he spent most of his money on his first meal, the ice cream (he didn't need) and playing video games.

January 12, 2009

IME, quite a lot of kids that age are egocentric, and still don't have a lot of common sense. They also act on impulse and don't think of the consequences until later. I know when I was that age I did some pretty stupid stuff, and I remember rolling my eyes when my siblings did as well (they're 7 and 9 years younger than me). Heck, sometime even at my current age I make stupid decisions. I know now, however, that I'm the one solely responsible for dealing with the outcome.

At least you know what to do the next time. If they go with you again, let the mother know what happened and tell her you can't afford to pay for her son's meals. Maybe she'll talk to him, and maybe he'll listen. If not, then stick to your guns and if he ends up going hungry, hopefully he'll have learned his lesson.

Take care.

January 12, 2009

Mopar, I think what you did was great. It was a sacrifice that the Lord calls on us to make from time to time. I understand the young man is 17, but it appears he hasn't been taught the things you taught your children. You have an opportunity to do that with him. If he is around and your family he may pick up some of your values. I don't understand why you feel this way, but that doesn't make your feelings less real or valid.

You have a way of doing things that work for you and your family, and you can't understand why another parent hasn't taken the time to prepare their child as you have done yours. Let this one go. If he asks again, explain to him he will be expected to buy his own lunch and gently nudge him. Make a teaching moment. You can have a positive impact, even if it a small one.

bent, b4 you even posted this I was having the same thoughts as you, about the Lord calling on me to help this child out. I was having the thoughts last night when I was really angry about it. I tried to find the blessing in this and while I was glad I could help him out I'm still a little miffed about it. The reason why is b/c his mom gave him money to use for food and he chose to use it unnecessary things that lead him to having to ask borrow money from me. Obviously his mother didn't teach him it's rude to ask other ppl's parents for money.

What lesson did I just teach this child by just giving into him and giving him money? And TBH, I think I should have just bought him a couple of $1.00 sandwiches and a glass of water and told him that is all I could spare. He chose to spend his money on things he did not need, I shouldn't have to be the one to bail him out for his mistake. That is not teaching him a lesson at all by just giving into him. Lord helps those who help themselves, right?

Thanks for replying to my thread bent.

I agree with you that he has to learn, maybe you are there to teach him. Girl, I do understand being a little po'd at other kids. My daughters BF just left. He has been here since about 3pm. He walks in and goes right to the pantry, then the fridge and then eats nonstop when dinner is ready. It really used to piss me off, until he told me that his family doesn't buy groceries, they just buy fast food stuff for each meal. I am like WTF? He has never experienced, the way our household is run. He doesn't get that there is mutual respect in my home and that there are rules to follow. I am slowly(but surely)getting through that there are different ways, more productive and respectful ways to do things. And I think you are going to be the one to teach this child the same things. God has placed him in your path for a reason, you just got to be up to the task. God bless

January 13, 2009

She asked me a questions shortly after I got to work. She didn't say a word about the money and I wasn't going to bring it up in front of our co-worker as that would have been rude and tacky.

I did happen to talk to her later on in the day and we were talking about how well her son played. In the middle of our small talk I asked her if her son told her he borrowed some money to eat out as he had ran out. She said he did. I told her it was almost $6 but not to worry about it, just pay me back $5.00. She said she ok and that was the end of it.

I'm going to let it go. I will just see if she pays me back. If not, I wont lend her or her son any more money, period. And sorry to say, he better have enough money for meals the next time. Maybe there wont be a next time, maybe I will just tell him he can't ride w/ us anymore but be nice about it. Thing is, I like the kid, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of either.

January 13, 2009

Now you're throwing the "Lord" and your religion in to this which makes me very confused. I'm assuming you're some denomination of Christianity. Doesn't your religion teach you to love your neighbor, be generous and take care of each other?

Didn't the Jesus you admire praise those to whom he said "when I was hungry, you fed me, when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink, when I needed clothes, you clothed me....?"

Wouldn't your God frown upon you for being so angered over a cheap meal for a kid? You religious folk confuse me.

January 13, 2009

Actually if he rides with you again, make sure the kid has a packed lunch and some snacks. I'm sure his mom can afford that.

Hey folks, stop picking on BNB. Her insights are always helpful and so what if she throws in some religion. She isn't preaching, she's just sharing HER thoughts and advice from her POV. If you don't like what she says, ignore it and focus on the original poster.

January 13, 2009

TBH CE, I don't think it bothered him one bit to ask me for money. If he was going to be bothered by asking me for money he would have spent his money more wisely. He knew were going to eat supper after the meet yet he spent most of his money on his first meal, the ice cream (he didn't need) and playing video games.

Ofcourse it didn't bother him. He's a teen and most teens don't think outside the box, let alone think of putting someone else out. He had money, spent it on fun stuff and then when he needed it for food, there wasn't enough.

January 13, 2009

Hey folks, stop picking on BNB. Her insights are always helpful and so what if she throws in some religion. She isn't preaching, she's just sharing HER thoughts and advice from her POV. If you don't like what she says, ignore it and focus on the original poster.

I'm not picking on her in any shape or form (I know your comment wasn't directly to me but I thought I'd clarify.) I was genuine about my questions and comments, her outlook is confusing to me. I have no issue with her bringing her religion in to this at all, however this further confused me as it's conflicting in my eyes.

As I said, I was brought up with very different social tact and would not have acted like the OP did, but we're allowed to disagree here. I didn't personally attack her.

January 13, 2009

Now you're throwing the "Lord" and your religion in to this which makes me very confused. I'm assuming you're some denomination of Christianity. Doesn't your religion teach you to love your neighbor, be generous and take care of each other?

Didn't the Jesus you admire praise those to whom he said "when I was hungry, you fed me, when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink, when I needed clothes, you clothed me....?"

Wouldn't your God frown upon you for being so angered over a cheap meal for a kid? You religious folk confuse me.

I didn't throw Lord into the thread, bent did, however I can totally see her POV on why she did and I have NP w/ her saying what she did.

Yes, He does want us to be kind, love our neighbor, etc. but He doesn't want ppl to go around asking for handouts when they chose to make a bad choice either. Does that make sense? The boy had enough money that his mother gave him yet he chose to spend it unwisely by blowing it on something he did not need. That is honestly the issue when it boils down to it. He spent his money on what made him happy and didn't take in consideration that he needed to spend it more wisely. Then he had to turn around and to borrow money from me.

I was 17 not too long ago and I was responsible w/ how I spent it. If I didn't have enough w/o having to borrow from someone, even my parents, I didn't get it. This kid just didn't care.

January 13, 2009

I didn't throw Lord into the thread, bent did, however I can totally see her POV on why she did and I have NP w/ her saying what she did.

Yes, He does want us to be kind, love our neighbor, etc. but He doesn't want ppl to go around asking for handouts when they chose to make a bad choice either. Does that make sense? The boy had enough money that his mother gave him yet he chose to spend it unwisely by blowing it on something he did not need. That is honestly the issue when it boils down to it. He spent his money on what made him happy and didn't take in consideration that he needed to spend it more wisely. Then he had to turn around and to borrow money from me.

I was 17 not too long ago and I was responsible w/ how I spent it. If I didn't have enough w/o having to borrow from someone, even my parents, I didn't get it. This kid just didn't care.

Mopar, I think it is good to let it go and move on. What you say makes perfect sense. And to those who are offended by my belief, so sorry, won't change though. Have a blessed day. Mopar, I don't think I remember 17;)

January 13, 2009

Mopar, I think it is good to let it go and move on. What you say makes perfect sense. And to those who are offended by my belief, so sorry, won't change though. Have a blessed day. Mopar, I don't think I remember 17;)

Thanks bent. I do take it back that I was 17 not too long ago, try 22 years ago but it feels like yesterday. Life goes by too fast.

You have a blessed day yourself and thanks for your advice.

January 13, 2009

LMFAO! This kid wasn't going to go out and buy liquor or drugs or rob a convenience store if I didn't give him the money. OMGosh I never heard of something so ridiculous in my life! I know this kid. He's a good kid. He just didn't spend his money wisely and then expects someone to bail him out b/c of it. What is this kid learning by borrowing money from ppl b/c he can't spend the money his mom gave him wisely?

TG I taught my kids better than this!

Wanting to be repaid $6 dollars for buying a good kid a meal is ridiculous.

January 13, 2009

She asked me a questions shortly after I got to work. She didn't say a word about the money and I wasn't going to bring it up in front of our co-worker as that would have been rude and tacky.

I did happen to talk to her later on in the day and we were talking about how well her son played. In the middle of our small talk I asked her if her son told her he borrowed some money to eat out as he had ran out. She said he did. I told her it was almost $6 but not to worry about it, just pay me back $5.00. She said she ok and that was the end of it.

I'm going to let it go. I will just see if she pays me back. If not, I wont lend her or her son any more money, period. And sorry to say, he better have enough money for meals the next time. Maybe there wont be a next time, maybe I will just tell him he can't ride w/ us anymore but be nice about it. Thing is, I like the kid, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of either.

let it all go. don't ask for the money or talk to the Mom. they are obviously in the habit of doing things this way or she wouldn't have asked for him to have a ride... she would have been the decent parent and gone along with him.

look at it as a god learning lesson. use this situation to teach your own kids what is unacceptable behavior and common decency.

yes, it sucks to be in that position - but you can CHOOSE not to be in that position again. you also have peace of mind that you were the decent one in getting him something to eat. his bad manners are just a sign that his home life and upbringing includes rude behavior and the ability to take advantage of others.

explain this to your child and how detrimental the little things are when a child is growing up...

it means that given the same path as he gets older - this results in him becoming a selfish, self centered *********. the writing is on the wall... and guess where he learned it? that's why there's no reason to ask the Mom for money, she is the one teaching him this bad behavior and she not likely going to pay you back.

i say let it go and learn from it.

well now you understand that YOUR boundary has to be changed.

only you can allow it to happen that way in the future.

let the past go and move forward without holding on to the resentment.

by adjusting your boundary, you acknowledge that this is unacceptable and you're not going to do it anymore.

and i stand by my previous posts - take a look and understand that you need to let it go.

then adjust your boundaries to include what you are or aren't comfortable with (that apparently need to include your budget).

the reality is - if you put yourself in a position to allow this to happen again, you will only be more angry when it happens again... and it is likely to happen again if your boundaries don't change.

January 13, 2009

Wanting to be repaid $6 dollars for buying a good kid a meal is ridiculous.

You are not seeing the point here gritty. The point is, his mom gave him money to buy his meals and then he chose to spend it unwisely and expected me to lend him more. At first I was a little ticked about the money, but now it's the fact he chose to blow his money on something useless and then expected me to give him money to eat on when his mom gave him enough in the first place.

What did I just teach this kid? To blow his money on useless crap like video games, and a fattening treat (that he did not need) and then turns around and ask someone for money? You must not be very old nor have any children of your own to not see the point I'm trying to make her w/ my vent.

If this kid was my guest, etc. I would have paid his meal w/ NP. He was not my guest, I didn't ask him if he wanted to ride w/ us, blah, blah, blah. He made a poor choice by spending his money the wrong way and turned around and asked me for more. THAT is what I was upset about.

January 13, 2009

and i stand by my previous posts - take a look and understand that you need to let it go.

then adjust your boundaries to include what you are or aren't comfortable with (that apparently need to include your budget).

the reality is - if you put yourself in a position to allow this to happen again, you will only be more angry when it happens again... and it is likely to happen again if your boundaries don't change.

Agreed sunny, but I thought the money thing was not going to be an issue from the very start. He said he had $15, then he turned around and said he only had $10. Why did he lie about the $15, or why did he lie that he only had $10? He lied somewhere in this situation. $15 is plenty to use on fast food. I wasn't going to take the time to go eat somewhere nicer b/c I wanted to get home. While not healthy, fast food was quicker.

It just ticked me off he had the nerve to borrow money from me when he chose to spend what he had on things he did not need.

January 13, 2009

You are not seeing the point here gritty. The point is, his mom gave him money to buy his meals and then he chose to spend it unwisely and expected me to lend him more. At first I was a little ticked about the money, but now it's the fact he chose to blow his money on something useless and then expected me to give him money to eat on when his mom gave him enough in the first place.

What did I just teach this kid? To blow his money on useless crap like video games, and a fattening treat (that he did not need) and then turns around and ask someone for money? You must not be very old nor have any children of your own to not see the point I'm trying to make her w/ my vent.

If this kid was my guest, etc. I would have paid his meal w/ NP. He was not my guest, I didn't ask him if he wanted to ride w/ us, blah, blah, blah. He made a poor choice by spending his money the wrong way and turned around and asked me for more. THAT is what I was upset about.

The kid became your guest by giving him a ride to and from the sporting event.

I have a 17 year old and I've taken plenty of other people's kids to and from out of town games, competitions and tournaments. Regardless of whether I'd offered to take them or they asked, or whether they'd brought their own money or not, I'd NEVER make a kid that rode in my car, pay for any of their meals or drinks or snacks, while they were with me.

I don't get irked by having to make extra stops so that a kid could eat lunch, if I'm asked nicely, because making extra stops is kind of expected when I am responsible for other people's kids that are extra passengers in my car. I would have paid for that kid's lunch, the DQ Blizzard and the dinner. The only thing I probably wouldn't have paid for was the video game playing and the picture and the only thing I would expect in return is a thank you.

January 13, 2009

you still have not let this thing GO!!!!!

listen to yourself - saying the same thing over and over and over and over!

LET IT GO!

you made your point and this will work out the way it is supposed to.

in the future - SAY NO! say no to the ride, to the food, to the extra money... all of it. because you want to make this a big deal. so let it go - and then NONE of it is possible.

the criticism of the Mom, the boy, the buying of food, the way he spends his Mom's money, the playing of video games, taking pictures, the borrowing of money, what the boy ordered and how much it cost, the asking for payback... NONE of this will need to be an issue if you say NO in the future. none of it is yours to deal with anyway, so stay out of it.

sheez, i've never seen such a big deal made out of a simple little nothingness thing.

try living with death(s) in your family and you may understand how small this issue is. how's that for perspective?

January 13, 2009

2Sunny is right about needing to know your own boundaries.

By allowing the kid to ride in your car, whether you wanted the responsibility of taking him or not, he not only became your guest but he also became your responsibility.

Next time either say "no" to giving any of your kid's teammates rides to and from out-of-town sporting events or realize that by allowing someone else's kid to ride in your car, your taking on responsibility for that kid. A responsibility that usually includes the parent on duty either politely offering or insisting to pay for the kid's meal. Regardless of whether the kids parents gave them money or not.

From your view, the kid flushed his money down the toilet. From his view, he probably thinks he managed his money wisely.

You had enough information beforehand to know that by passively agreeing to allow somebody else's kid ride in your car, there would be responsibility involved. If you didn't want the risk of having the responsibility of paying for anything for the kid, then you should have said "no" to giving the kid a ride.

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