My kids better not ever do this!

January 11, 2009

My teenage son had a sporting event today two hours from home. Two of his teammates ask me and my H if they can ride along. NP. One of the boys mentions that he brought $15. He ask me if we can stop to eat as he didn't eat b4 we left. He picks DQ. He eats his meal, then gets a Blizzard and we leave. We get to where we need to be and he plays a car racing video and takes his picture in the picture booth in the arcade.

Three hours later they are done and we stop to get something to eat as it's supper time and we have a two hour drive home. We get out of the car and he ask me if he can borrow some money to eat. I told him I thought he had $15. He said no, only $10 and he used that on his DQ meal and ice cream. He doesn't tell me he spent about $2 on the video game and the picture booth. He tells me his mom will pay me back. He orders a $6.00 meal. I wasn't going to let the kid go hungry so I buy him a meal. H looks at me and says "ARe you buying his meal too?" I'm not rich. I live paycheck to paycheck. And I don't think mom will pay me back. She asked to borrow $ from me just a few months ago and I had to tell her no b/c I was broke myself.

If my kids EVER ask to borrow money from their friends parents I will be LIVID! If he wouldn't have bought that damn blizzard and not spend his money on the game and picture booth he would have had enough to buy himself a damn meal and not borrowed money from me. I did him a favor by letting him ride w/ us and then he ask to borrow money from me?

January 11, 2009

You're better than me. I wouldn't have taken orders from him on where he wanted to go to begin with.

I don't think it was the kid's fault in asking you, though. It seems that he and his mom have a habit of asking you for money. Other than the time a few months ago when you told her you were broke, have you ever loaned her money before?

Sorry if I wasn't any help. For me, when kids do things that I don't approve of, its time to talk to their parents.

January 11, 2009

You're better than me. I wouldn't have taken orders from him on where he wanted to go to begin with.

I don't think it was the kid's fault in asking you, though. It seems that he and his mom have a habit of asking you for money. Other than the time a few months ago when you told her you were broke, have you ever loaned her money before?

Sorry if I wasn't any help. For me, when kids do things that I don't approve of, its time to talk to their parents.

Well, there was three places off the interestate to go eat, DQ was one of them. If he didn't buy that Blizzard and spent money on video games and that dumb picture booth he would have had enough for supper. He is 17, he knows the value of a $1.00, he just chose not to use it wisely.

His mom has asked me once to borrow money and has never asked me again.

I'm going to tell her he borrowed money from me and I would appreciate if she paid me back as I can't afford it. She knows I struggle too.

Thanks for the advice. I think mom needs to know that her kid borrowed money from me whether I expect it paid back or not. I know I would want to know if my kids borrowed money from someone.

January 11, 2009

Even though we always give our children enough money when they go anywhere with their friends, it is an unspoken rule that the Parents provide food and protection as they would for their own child.

Therefore any money they are given is specifically for their entertainment purposes. When looking after the friends of my children I monitor how much money they are given and for what purposes stated by their Parents and fill in any gaps that may arise.

Regarding your situation, maybe in future you could clarify with your child how much money will be needed by any of his friends for the duration of the trip and make sure that it is recognised that you are presently on a budget?

I think that you would probably save money in the long run and increase the levels of the safety and comfort of all the children involved if you and your childs Parents were to be more flexible and work together more within the financial arrangements.

I cant imagine a child asking me for money!

Regards,

Eve xx

January 11, 2009

Even though we always give our children enough money when they go anywhere with their friends, it is an unspoken rule that the Parents provide food and protection as they would for their own child.

Therefore any money they are given is specifically for their entertainment purposes. When looking after the friends of my children I monitor how much money they are given and for what purposes stated by their Parents and fill in any gaps that may arise.

Regarding your situation, maybe in future you could clarify with your child how much money will be needed by any of his friends for the duration of the trip and make sure that it is recognised that you are presently on a budget?

I think that you would probably save money in the long run and increase the levels of the safety and comfort of all the children involved if you and your childs Parents were to be more flexible and work together more within the financial arrangements.

I cant imagine a child asking me for money!

Regards,
Eve xx

It's not my job nor my responsibility to monitor some one's 17 year old child on how they spend their money. He knew we were eating supper out after the game yet he chose to spend the money on a $3 ice cream, and then another $2.00 on the video game and the picture booth. He is old enough to know how much money he has and how far it can go. I can eat two meals off $10, there was no reason why he couldn't either.

It just ticks me off we did him a favor by letting him ride w/ us and then he ask to borrow money. While I was happy to let him ride w/ us I did not appreciate him asking to borrow money so he could have supper. He is 17 years old, he should be more responsible w/ how he spend his money and he wasn't. B/c of this I had to shell out $6 for him to eat. And besides, he told my son he brought $15. Where did the other $5 go?

Thanks for your advice. Next time I am going to have better communication w/ parents.

Some parents can afford to take other ppl's kids out to eat but we just can't. If he was our guest I would have taken him out to eat w/ NP.

January 11, 2009

Next time tell him no. Not to the food but to the ride.

If he isn't someone you want your child to hang out with due to his poor manners then say no. And you avoid this situation from ever happening again.

If he is your child's friend and you like him to be your child's friend then stop making such a big deal over six dollars. Or how a teenager spends his money.

His mom may just ask him if he ate and if he had enough money. She may find out he borrowed from you. You may still be paid back. You don't know because maybe the mom appreciates the favor you provided and shelling out six bucks is well worth it to her to have that happen again.

You should try to chill out a little.

January 11, 2009

Next time tell him no. Not to the food but to the ride.

If he isn't someone you want your child to hang out with due to his poor manners then say no. And you avoid this situation from ever happening again.

If he is your child's friend and you like him to be your child's friend then stop making such a big deal over six dollars. Or how a teenager spends his money.

His mom may just ask him if he ate and if he had enough money. She may find out he borrowed from you. You may still be paid back. You don't know because maybe the mom appreciates the favor you provided and shelling out six bucks is well worth it to her to have that happen again.

You should try to chill out a little.

Me? Chill out? LOL! When I have to shell out money for some kid whom I did a favor for b/c he spends his money on stupid shyt I will not chill out. That $6 could have went into my gas tank, for my kids lunches at school, two or three gallons of milk for my family, I could go on. He chose to spend his money unwisely and then ask to borrow money from me? His mom just asked to borrow money from me a couple of months ago and I told her no. No, I wont chill out when some kid ask to borrow money from me after I did his ass a favor by letting him ride w/ us. No, I wont take him again.

The next time I talk to her I will tell her he borrowed money from me. If I found out my own kids ever asked to borrow money from some one I will be upset. If they need money, they need to ask me. If they had the money and chose to spend it on stupid crap then that is their fault they don't have any.

January 11, 2009

I would have put my foot down on the DQ thing and had him eat quickly so we could get back on the road, no games on my time. He was rude in this sense and I would have not allowed it.

However, no guest of my child would ever have to ask me to borrow money for a meal while we're out together! When a child, 17 or 7 is out with me or my family a meal invite is a given. I'm a little shocked that you're upset, and over $6.

January 11, 2009

I would have put my foot down on the DQ thing and had him eat quickly so we could get back on the road, no games on my time. He was rude in this sense and I would have not allowed it.

However, no guest of my child would ever have to ask me to borrow money for a meal while we're out together! When a child, 17 or 7 is out with me or my family a meal invite is a given. I'm a little shocked that you're upset, and over $6.

allina, did you not read my thread? This kid was not our guest. I will repeat, this kid was not our guest. If he were, I would have paid for his meal w/ NP. This kid called my son the night b4 the sporting event to ask him if he could ride w/ us b/c he did not want to ride w/ another teammate. We did not ask him to come w/ us, we did not invite him, he asked for a favor to ride w/ us. He was going to ride w/ another teammate as he was driving. Would he have expected this kid to pay for his meal if he would have went w/ him? Probably not. He was there for a ride, not to be taken out for a meal paid by the person driving him there. I could have said no and he would have had to have rode w/ the person he didn't want to ride w/. I did him a favor and he pays me back for asking me for money?

It was his money to use to spend it at DQ so I wasn't going to say anything about that. The video games were not played while we were on the road, he played them when we got to our destination.

If he would have not bought the Blizzard, or played the video games he would have had enough for another meal. He chose not to do that and then he ended up asking me for money. RUDE!

ETA: I didn't get to eat either b/c we only brought so much cash w/ us to eat. My H said he didn't have enough cash for all four of us to eat so I chose to not eat so this kid could.

January 11, 2009

let it all go. don't ask for the money or talk to the Mom. they are obviously in the habit of doing things this way or she wouldn't have asked for him to have a ride... she would have been the decent parent and gone along with him.

look at it as a god learning lesson. use this situation to teach your own kids what is unacceptable behavior and common decency.

yes, it sucks to be in that position - but you can CHOOSE not to be in that position again. you also have peace of mind that you were the decent one in getting him something to eat. his bad manners are just a sign that his home life and upbringing includes rude behavior and the ability to take advantage of others.

explain this to your child and how detrimental the little things are when a child is growing up...

it means that given the same path as he gets older - this results in him becoming a selfish, self centered *********. the writing is on the wall... and guess where he learned it? that's why there's no reason to ask the Mom for money, she is the one teaching him this bad behavior and she not likely going to pay you back.

i say let it go and learn from it.

January 11, 2009

let it all go. don't ask for the money or talk to the Mom. they are obviously in the habit of doing things this way or she wouldn't have asked for him to have a ride... she would have been the decent parent and gone along with him.
look at it as a god learning lesson. use this situation to teach your own kids what is unacceptable behavior and common decency.

yes, it sucks to be in that position - but you can CHOOSE not to be in that position again. you also have peace of mind that you were the decent one in getting him something to eat. his bad manners are just a sign that his home life and upbringing includes rude behavior and the ability to take advantage of others.

explain this to your child and how detrimental the little things are when a child is growing up...

it means that given the same path as he gets older - this results in him becoming a selfish, self centered *********. the writing is on the wall... and guess where he learned it? that's why there's no reason to ask the Mom for money, she is the one teaching him this bad behavior and she not likely going to pay you back.

i say let it go and learn from it.

Thanks for the advice 2sunny. I don't think she was the one that told him to ask us for a ride. He already had one w/ another teammate but he didn't want to go w/ them so he asked us. As for mom going, she had to work that day. I work w/ mom so I do talk to her on a daily basis. Maybe he has said some thing to her, I will find out at work tomorrow if he did.

I guess it's not so much the money I had to spend, it's the principal of him even asking for any when he was blowing his money on crap and then turning around and asking me for money. I see this in my line of work every day. Ppl can't pay their rent, their bills, and then come running to me to bail them out of their jam but yet they come walking in w/ brand new cell phones, or spent a bunch of money on things they don't need and then come whining to me b/c they can't pay their bills.

January 11, 2009

allina, did you not read my thread? This kid was not our guest. I will repeat, this kid was not our guest. If he were, I would have paid for his meal w/ NP. This kid called my son the night b4 the sporting event to ask him if he could ride w/ us b/c he did not want to ride w/ another teammate. We did not ask him to come w/ us, we did not invite him, he asked for a favor to ride w/ us.

Ok, to me he's still a guest with your family. You took on the responsibility for a kid and you seem outraged over a $6 meal. I'm not saying you're wrong or a bad person just offering my point of view, in which this situation is shocking TO ME.

I guess I would never consider having my child's friend even pay for his dinner when out with me and my family, it would never cross my mind. We'd just go to dinner and the kid can order his food without worrying. To me it's weird to separate the check to have my kids friend pay for his meal.

January 11, 2009

well now you understand that YOUR boundary has to be changed.

only you can allow it to happen that way in the future.

let the past go and move forward without holding on to the resentment.

by adjusting your boundary, you acknowledge that this is unacceptable and you're not going to do it anymore.

January 11, 2009

Ok, to me he's still a guest with your family. You took on the responsibility for a kid and you seem outraged over a $6 meal. I'm not saying you're wrong or a bad person just offering my point of view, in which this situation is shocking TO ME.

As far as I'm concerned, and everyone I have talked to, he was not our guest. He was there b/c he asked for a ride. A guest is when you invite someone. He then chose to spend his money unwisely and then expected me to bail him out b/c he had no money left to eat. I'm not outraged, I'm upset. If I was outraged I would have called his mom by now.

I did him a favor by getting him out of having to ride w/ a teammate he does not like and then he ask me to pay for his supper b/c he blew his money on something stupid. Like I told 2sunny (who seems to understand where I am coming from) that I see this in my job every day. Adults spend money on things they don't need then come running and crying to me b/c they can't pay their rent or bills and expect me to find the resources to help them out and getting it paid for. It's not so much all about money, it's the fact that he asked to borrow from me after he blew it unwisely.

I've learned from this experience...not to let this kid ride w/ us anymore or make sure he has enough cash to eat out as I'm not paying for it. What if he would have rode w/ that other teammate? Would he have asked him for money? Just b/c he rode w/ us to a sporting event does not make it my responsibility to pay for his lunch. If he was our guest, I would have paid for his meal w/ NO problems or bitches about it.

January 11, 2009

Your ruining your good deed by getting upset over $6 and a ride.

Perhaps the $3 DQ ice cream and the $2 he spent playing video games and having his picture taken was that 17 year old's Christmas.

Maybe your good deed kept that kid from buying liquor or drugs or robbing a convenience store. You may have even saved someone's life by simply investing $6 and a ride.

Try to feel $10 dollars worth of good feelings about doing something nice for the kid and let it go.

January 11, 2009

What if he would have rode w/ that other teammate? Would he have asked him for money? Just b/c he rode w/ us to a sporting event does not make it my responsibility to pay for his lunch. If he was our guest, I would have paid for his meal w/ NO problems or bitches about it.

But that's my point. I feel like if he rode with another teammate's parents this would not have been an issue. I don't know any parents, even non parents that would put a kid, their child's friend, in a position where he has to ask you to borrow money for a cheap meal! To me it's in bad form.

January 11, 2009

I'm with Allina because even if a kid invited himself (which does happen) once we accept he becomes our guest and we always treat for lunch and/or dinner.

We've always taught our son to never invite himself and also we always send him along with money when he's invited somewhere. We've instructed him to offer to pay for his meals and movies or whatever activity they might be engaged in.

Sometimes the parents accept his money others times not. As for us, we never, ever do. In fact, it always surprises me when our son's money is accepted (the few times it's happened.)

January 11, 2009

Your ruining your good deed by getting upset over $6 and a ride.

Perhaps the $3 DQ ice cream and the $2 he spent playing video games and having his picture taken was that 17 year old's Christmas.

Maybe your good deed kept that kid from buying liquor or drugs or robbing a convenience store. You may have even saved someone's life by simply investing $6 and a ride.

Try to feel $10 dollars worth of good feelings about doing something nice for the kid and let it go.

LMFAO! This kid wasn't going to go out and buy liquor or drugs or rob a convenience store if I didn't give him the money. OMGosh I never heard of something so ridiculous in my life! I know this kid. He's a good kid. He just didn't spend his money wisely and then expects someone to bail him out b/c of it. What is this kid learning by borrowing money from ppl b/c he can't spend the money his mom gave him wisely?

TG I taught my kids better than this!

January 11, 2009

But that's my point. I feel like if he rode with another teammate's parents this would not have been an issue. I don't know any parents, even non parents that would put a kid, their child's friend, in a position where he has to ask you to borrow money for a cheap meal! To me it's in bad form.

This kid would have not rode w/ another teammates parents, he would have rode w/ another teammate, the parents weren't there. He isn't friends w/ this teammate, he just was going to ride w/ them b/c his mom couldn't take him. His mom gave him enough money to eat, he didn't spend it on food but games and stupid pictures. You're right, if he would have rode w/ someone else it wouldn't have been an issue. What is your point there?

What if he would have rode w/ the coach? Would he have expected the coach to pay for his meal? No.

This kid is not my kid friend. They happen to play on the same team. They aren't even in the same grade. They get along and talk but only b/c they play on the same team. They do not hang out together.

I always buy my kids friends meals when they are guest w/ us. I don't expect them to bring money. But when he wasn't our guest, he was there for a ride w/ his teammate. There is a difference.

January 11, 2009

I'm with Allina because even if a kid invited himself (which does happen) once we accept he becomes our guest and we always treat for lunch and/or dinner.

We've always taught our son to never invite himself and also we always send him along with money when he's invited somewhere. We've instructed him to offer to pay for his meals and movies or whatever activity they might be engaged in.

Sometimes the parents accept his money others times not. As for us, we never, ever do. In fact, it always surprises me when our son's money is accepted (the few times it's happened.)

But, another kid asked to ride w/ us also. I couldn't afford to take all of us out and it's not fair to pay for one and not the other. All the other kids that rode w/ someone else brought their own money to pay for their meals and drinks. I would never, ever send my kids w/ someone else for a ride to a game and expect those parents to pay for my kid's meals. I don't know any parent that would do that.

My daughter had a game she had to play the other day that we could not attend. one of her friends mom's took her. I gave my daughter money to eat lunch on and to buy a snack and drinks for the game. The mom took them out to eat and offered to buy my daughters meal for her. She told her she had money but she offered to pay for it. She was very nice to offer to buy my daughter's lunch and I told her mom thanks and I will be happy to take her daughter out for lunch/supper sometime also. I don't mind doing those kind of things for my kids friends, in fact I enjoy doing it. But, when this kid invites himself along, brought money and then spent it on crap and ask me to pay for his supper then yes, that pisses me off. That isn't teaching him a damn thing. What I just taught him is that he can spend his money on crap and then ask me if I can bail him out and buy his meals.

He wasn't w/ us as a friendship ride, he was there for a ride. When my kids go to their sporting events they are expected to bring money to stop and have supper. The coaches and/or the bus drivers isn't going to pay for their food.

January 11, 2009

I understand where you're coming from mopar but that doesn't mean you should expect more from this teenager than what his upbringing suggests. They are borrowers. His mom is a borrower and he probably sees nothing wrong with it at all. It's a shame they don't but apparently they haven't much shame.

I mean seriously, asking strangers for money lacks couth.

But he's not your problem. Your son is and if you stress the money to the mom it may get back to her kid and then your son may be the one embarrassed by it if this kid makes it seem like it's a big deal to you.

Remember borrowing is not a problem to these people. So they may see it as you being the one with the problem.

Just be glad your son isn't a borrower and be glad you learned not to take this kid with you anymore. The lesson is cheap IMO.

January 11, 2009

I understand where you're coming from mopar but that doesn't mean you should expect more from this teenager than what his upbringing suggests. They are borrowers. His mom is a borrower and he probably sees nothing wrong with it at all. It's a shame they don't but apparently they haven't much shame.

I mean seriously, asking strangers for money lacks couth.

But he's not your problem. Your son is and if you stress the money to the mom it may get back to her kid and then your son may be the one embarrassed by it if this kid makes it seem like it's a big deal to you.

Remember borrowing is not a problem to these people. So they may see it as you being the one with the problem.

Just be glad your son isn't a borrower and be glad you learned not to take this kid with you anymore. The lesson is cheap IMO.

I do agree w/ you. However, he did say "My mom will pay you back." so I am speaking to her. If I don't, he and/or she is going to think they can continue to ask to borrow money from me b/c I didn't seem to care that her child asked to borrow from me. Does that make sense? I can see this family being the type of ppl to borrow money from ppl all the time. I don't want to be the one the keep running to so this needs to be nipped in the bud right now, kwim?

January 11, 2009

yep, and the best way to do it from here on out is to let uninvited guests like this kid know that he is solely responsible for his own meals. i've been up front with nieces and nephews by telling them, Okay, I've got $20 for lunch, where can we go that we can both/all eat something? That way they know that aunt quank doesn't have wads of money to piss away, and that they've got to be responsible in their choices.

as for the incident – reminds me of what my niece tried to pull when she was 17. She wanted to come down to Texas to see my folks and some of her former classmates, but didn't have the money. So, I told my parents that if they would pay for a cheap airline ticket from Dallas to SA, I'd drive up to Oklahoma to get her on her flight. And that was fine with everyone, my brother even gave her a little bit of spending money as well as money to bring home something he'd ordered through my parents.

well ... when she flew back to Dallas, I told her I'd take her shopping at the nicer goodwill by another aunt's house, and that we'd go check out the mall. She found a pair of boots that were on sale for $120 that she *had* to have, and pitched a fit when I refused to buy them for her. Apparently, she overlooked the fact that I still had to run her butt back up to Oklahoma, then have enough gas/food money to get home myself!

:laugh: now she's got three little girls of her own ... and I'm waiting to see how she handles their demands for stuff when they hit their teen years!

seriously, Mo, you're well within your rights to be upset over a kid not thinking things through and putting YOU in a bind because of it. Frankly, I'd have raised hell with him for being such a dumbass.

did he have the good sense to tell you thank you for the ride AND the meal?

January 11, 2009

yep, and the best way to do it from here on out is to let uninvited guests like this kid know that he is solely responsible for his own meals. i've been up front with nieces and nephews by telling them, Okay, I've got $20 for lunch, where can we go that we can both/all eat something? That way they know that aunt quank doesn't have wads of money to piss away, and that they've got to be responsible in their choices.

as for the incident – reminds me of what my niece tried to pull when she was 17. She wanted to come down to Texas to see my folks and some of her former classmates, but didn't have the money. So, I told my parents that if they would pay for a cheap airline ticket from Dallas to SA, I'd drive up to Oklahoma to get her on her flight. And that was fine with everyone, my brother even gave her a little bit of spending money as well as money to bring home something he'd ordered through my parents.

well ... when she flew back to Dallas, I told her I'd take her shopping at the nicer goodwill by another aunt's house, and that we'd go check out the mall. She found a pair of boots that were on sale for $120 that she *had* to have, and pitched a fit when I refused to buy them for her. Apparently, she overlooked the fact that I still had to run her butt back up to Oklahoma, then have enough gas/food money to get home myself!

:laugh: now she's got three little girls of her own ... and I'm waiting to see how she handles their demands for stuff when they hit their teen years!

seriously, Mo, you're well within your rights to be upset over a kid not thinking things through and putting YOU in a bind because of it. Frankly, I'd have raised hell with him for being such a dumbass.

did he have the good sense to tell you thank you for the ride AND the meal?

She wanted you to buy her a pair of $120 boots? OMGosh, I don't even spend that much on myself, or my own daughter, lol.

He didn't say anything after we ate but he did say a simple "Thank you" when we dropped him off at home.

On the ride back he did call his mom to tell her we were on our way home. He didn't tell her he had to borrow money from me. He may wanted to tell her when he got home.

I know it's only $6 and not $120 but it's the principle of it all. Him asking to borrow money after he blew it all on stupid crap.

January 11, 2009

I thought he was about 13 or something!! At 17 I would expect him to pay his way unless it was outlined by my child that his family were going through things .. I would be inclined to help if my child and he were close friends and I could afford to fill in any gaps. Awkward situation. I guess that I would see his behaviour as being rude.

Gosh, I would not like to be placed in that situation. I would be VERY annoyed if my children were to do that to someone else.

Regards,

Eve xx

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