Manic33 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Hey, This is my first post here, and im not too sure what to expect but since this has been bugging me for a long time I thought i'd ask for some advice or guidance. Sorry if this gets a little long, but its a big issue to me right now. I graduated from Highschool this past June (which seems so far away now) and at that time I felt like my life was really taking off, especially socially. Despite me being completely pessimistic while I was in school, now I look back and think how great it was when I had such an easy social outlet to meet people. Since then i've become completely isolated, and i've lost pretty much all the people I thought were my friends (most due to them just moving on, one due to death and some just because theyve changed). I spend all my days alone now, couped up in a basement, feeling sorry for myself.. i guess i should mention i've been clinically depressed for about 8 years now (i just turned 19) The person I used to consider my best friend (and the person im mostly writing this about) moved away last summer, and has pretty much forgotten about me since. To give this some further context, this girl was the only person to visit me in the hospital and give me some kind of encouragement when I attempted suicide last year. Right now shes back in town for a small visit but isnt making much effort to talk to me (though it seems she is trying to talk to some of her other friends) Another thing that I have to admit is that i've had feelings for her for a long time now, and she met her boyfriend right after we graduated, since then i feel shes become VERY distant. She lives fairly far away from me now and i'm afraid that once she goes back i'll never see or talk to her again (i understand that this happens often) also, im afraid of confronting her or telling her im concerned because it might seem overbearing and make her angry at me... Anyway, sorry again for the long, whiny post. Please bear with me, i'd appreciate any advice or words of encouragement.
quankanne Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 other than being cooped up in your abode, are you doing anything to get out among people? College classes, work, volunteer efforts, church ministry – anything that puts you among others? Because i found that's the best way to cultivating friendships, getting involved. sorry to hear about the problem with depression – been there, done that, going though it again, ugh, I feel you, man. And I hope that you're on a regimen of some kind to help combat it. back to the friendship thing. I've noticed that you often outgrow certain friends – people you've loved dearly and who you lived closely (emotionally) to – when you move through different stages of your life. If you're luck, you retain one or two friendships, maybe, but mostly the older you get the more you rack up a group of friends you have more in common with. At least this has been my experience in the agiing process! your female friend – do you know for sure she'll be angry, or is this mostly a worry you have? Would it be out of the question for you to write her and say, 'hey, I'd love to catch up with you over coffee/dinner/lunch before you head back out of town" and keep it open-ended for the both of you?
UnamedSeven Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Believe me, this isn't long compared to other peoples stories. With everything constantly changing, its hard to keep up. I know how much it hurts to have almost and no friends at any given time. I think what you need to do is tell the person you have feelings for, that you have feelings for her. Kinda be like, "Hey, i just wanted to let you know that I've had feelings for you for a long time". Leave it at that. Nothing is easy in this world and getting yourself to talk to her, now, is the only way for her to know. Even if she doesn't feel the same, at least she knows. Your doing fine without her even if things aren't alright. There isn't much that she can do, that will make you better, since she has a boyfriend. Move on after this. Try to tell yourself that its her life and you can't make her like you. If she does talk to you, she'll come around.
steveraves Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I think you have a few things going on and the depression certainly doesn't help. I have depression myself. 1. You're kind of at an awkward age where High School is over and everyone is moving on and their lives are changing. They get busy with school, meet new friends and a lot of times the past gets left in the past. It's not a mean or a deliberate thing it's just lives change. In some ways it kind of sounds like your life hasn't changed dramatically and because of that you're kind of being left behind and stuck. 2. One of the symptoms of depression is isolation. If you can get yourself out of the house the person above gave some good advice. Take classes, try and find a church that is active and has good programs for younger people. 3. I disagree with the person above in telling the girl that you have feelings for her. There is no right or wrong way to handle it, it's just my opinion. For me I don't see the point in doing that because she has a boyfriend so I'm not sure what would be accomplished by telling her other than making things more strained. Boy/girl friendships are hard when there is a boyfriend in the picture. A lot of time the BF doesn't want his GF talking to other guys. So there is a good possibility that it isn't you that's the problem, rather she is respecting her BF's wishes. Good luck to you.
Author Manic33 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Thank you to all of you for your advice... I think that I will just have to accept that she is moving on in a different direction than me. I am going to try my hardest to get out into the world a little more, because I cant accomplish much of anything being alone here all the time. Thanks again for your input, I appreciate it.
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