FrustratedEnergy Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 My emotions are mixed and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been spending time with my ex. All the time we have spent with one another has been absolutely wonderful. Problem is, when we aren't together, he thinks. He thinks about our past. He told me the other day that he can't get over the past. He gets frustrated with everything and doesn't think that if we gave it another shot, things would be better. Too bad my heart cannot speak with him because she would tell him how honest and sincere I am. My heart would tell him to take the chance, that everything would be great. We have been spending time with one another to see whether things could materialize between us. Two days prior, things were fascinating. I think he's scared and just needs a lot of time to heal, honestly. It truly hasn't been very long, and I just don't think he's giving it a fair chance. So, when I saw him, we fought. I should have just walked away. I was discouraged the next day, and called him. We spoke briefly because he's been very frustrated with work; which I honestly think is a major contributor to the conversation we had the other day. He wasn't particularly nice to me when we spoke either. Apparently he felt bad for being rude because a few hours later I had an email from him. He said he doesn't know what I expect from him, and he's been honest with me. However we're seeing one another tomorrow and he can't make any promises. On one hand he doesn't think he could be with me again, but on the other, he can't make any promises about what will happen if we spend time with one another? That's just it, I never asked him to make any decision right now. I just don't know anymore. The constant back and forth, I can't take it anymore. In a way, I just want to cut the ties. I want to not see or speak with him every again. I want to forget about this part of my life and forget it every happened. On the other hand, I love him. How can I possibly give up? I, like him, don't know what to do. I just need time, and I'm so frustrated with everything. I have made it very clear I do not want a friendship with him. I am not interested.
jc Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 The constant back and forth, I can't take it anymore. In a way, I just want to cut the ties. I want to not see or speak with him every again. I want to forget about this part of my life and forget it every happened. On the other hand, I love him. How can I possibly give up? I, like him, don't know what to do. I just need time, and I'm so frustrated with everything. I have made it very clear I do not want a friendship with him. I am not interested. Re-read what you wrote here. If you don't want a friendship with him and you have made this clear, then why are you still seeing each other? You're not seeing each other as girlfriend and boyfriend because he says he doesn't think you guys can get back together. So then are you seeing each other as friends with benefits? I've done the back and forth thing. I can honestly say that it is more painful that actually breaking up. It disrupts your entire life. And you don't even respect your own decisions anymore. You feel trapped. If you want to be with him again, you need to tell him that straight out, put it on the table. If he says that you can't be together, then there's nothing else you can do. You cut ties and move on. If he says okay, then get back together and try to work things out. Your only other option is to tell him that you need time to figure things out for yourself (as you stated above) and then go NC for a time while you decide what you really want. Continuing to see him this way, back and forth, with no commitment is just to difficult and destructive. And it gets harder and harder to think straight. You analyze every word out of his mouth, you think of the things you should have said. You start to think things like, "If only he knew what was in my heart, he would understand and not doubt anymore":) Seriously, tell him what's up and how you feel or cut ties with him now.
Surfer Dude Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 It seems you've had enough of this post breakup "friendship" crap. You're tired and you feel like you're in a rut, you want to move on. I suggest you read this very useful NC guide by Caliguy. NC is the only thing that can help you if moving on is your intention. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
Author FrustratedEnergy Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 Re-read what you wrote here. If you don't want a friendship with him and you have made this clear, then why are you still seeing each other? You're not seeing each other as girlfriend and boyfriend because he says he doesn't think you guys can get back together. So then are you seeing each other as friends with benefits? I've done the back and forth thing. I can honestly say that it is more painful that actually breaking up. It disrupts your entire life. And you don't even respect your own decisions anymore. You feel trapped. If you want to be with him again, you need to tell him that straight out, put it on the table. If he says that you can't be together, then there's nothing else you can do. You cut ties and move on. If he says okay, then get back together and try to work things out. Your only other option is to tell him that you need time to figure things out for yourself (as you stated above) and then go NC for a time while you decide what you really want. Continuing to see him this way, back and forth, with no commitment is just to difficult and destructive. And it gets harder and harder to think straight. You analyze every word out of his mouth, you think of the things you should have said. You start to think things like, "If only he knew what was in my heart, he would understand and not doubt anymore":) Seriously, tell him what's up and how you feel or cut ties with him now. I can't decipher it well. He know exactly where I stand. I think he has a lot of frustrations and confusion with the entire situation itself. I think he feels like the pressure is on to say "Ok, we're back together again and everything is fantastic" where in reality, that is not the case at all. I have not given any ultimatum. The only thing I've said is I'm not interested in being friends. I'm supposed to make dinner for us tonight, but I think that I'd be trying too hard. I know this man cares for me. I think I've been overly nice, and that I need to back off a bit. I make it very easy for him to be around me and be treated very well. Ok, that sounds horrible, but hopefully you know what I mean. I think i'll just order a pizza. Can we talk about a movie for a minute? Wall-E. Has anyone else seen it? This movie makes me cry! Ridiculous. If I could, I would flutter through space to get him back. Back to my original purpose of this post: he doesn't know what to do about us, one minute he's fine, the next he says nothing can happen. Then he says he can't make any promises. I've been trying not to think about it. There's this hope I can't shake; which worries me. I could throw in the towel, but... I just can't forever. No matter how pathetic, or lame it sounds to everyone that reads this post, I can visualize a great thing with him. Nothing else matters, the wind stops, the moon stands still and there's a strange calm that consumes me. I worry, but it fades quickly. Like there's no reason to worry at all. What could that possibly mean?
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