Men - has a woman ever invited you on a date and then paid for the entire bill?

[wuggle]

Lights - The point I was trying to make was that if you have that sort of attitude, even if you try not to externalise it, chances are women will sense this and not strike up a conversation with you.

 

IMHO (and I don't mean that sarcastically, I really don't have huge amounts of experience), If you come across as all stern, judgemental and cross no woman will approach you, they will be scared. Relationships tend to get started with humour, approachfullnes and fun, not the feeling of being judged and found wanting. Maybe choosing a date should't be so mercenary. Lighten up , be nicer ?

[The Collector]

C'mon, you could put out the most positive vibes in the world and what are the chances a woman will approach and ask for a date? It's happened to me, but very rarely. The man usually does the asking (and I'm not against that.)

[dreamergrl]

In these modern times, pre-modern gender roles no longer apply in dating, so I hold the women to the same standards to which they hold me, given how gender equality is considered normative. The women don't care much for any cowardice or ineptitude in approaching on my part, so I don't tolerate such on their part either. If they are unable and/or afraid do something as dirt-simple as the approach I described, that's pure and total ineptitude and/or cowardice according to the standards to which they hold me; that approach is something that I have myself attempted more times than I can count.

 

What's so backward about my attitude then? If I may say so myself it sounds quite progressive and modern-age to me.

 

 

You just got done saying:

 

Maybe the situation will be different if I move to somewhere more modern.

So if you need to move some where more modern, why hold the women in your area to a different standard?

 

You are backwards.

[D-Lish]

I have picked up the tab many times.

I've really only asked someone out once or twice.

[Lights]

You just got done saying:

 

So if you need to move some where more modern, why hold the women in your area to a different standard?

I don't hold them to a different standard. Since I live in modern times in a time and place where the women here claim to be modern (even though they are horrible failures there, as I pointed out), I hold them to modern standards, equal to the ones I am held to.

 

Maybe I should have said the people where I come from are "hypocritical about being modern" rather than being "backward", and that I should move to a place where people are less hypocritical about it.

 

You are backwards.

 

Provide proof, and I'll stop laughing.

[mr.dream merchant]

Lights hit the nail on the head for every gentlemen out there. Some women will preach to high heaven about equality and then hold certain double standards when it comes to relationships. They throw the term 'player' around but turn around and spit in your face for using the word 'whore'. They want men to approach them and be confident and humorous and this and that, you know, a real Frank Sinatra kinda guy and then shrink behind their gender glass ceiling they call "dating protocol". I don't mind cause there's a few guys out there who see right through that bull****. I treat women just like I treat guys, no pedastool included.

[Tomcat33]

I treat women just like I treat guys

 

That explains it all.

[mr.dream merchant]

That explains it all.

 

Yeah it does. Equality. Learn something about it.

[BareGoddess]

That explains it all.

 

That's exactly it. I guess that's why I'm not interested in a "modern" guy. I was never looking for a chauvinistic one either...just a traditionally-minded gentleman. One who opens doors and pulls out your chair. A modern woman would hate that, I'd imagine. Me? I love it!

 

On the other side of the coin, not being a "modern" woman, I don't expect my man to act like a woman. I understand that we're different. I don't insist he see a "chick flick" with me. I don't expect him to be overly emotional. I don't need to know what he's thinking every minute. I don't expect him to be like one of the gals! Oh and I don't want him wearing earrings either!

 

Men should act like MEN and women should act like WOMEN. What's so bad about that? We're NOT equal as far relationships go.

[mr.dream merchant]

What's acting like a woman? What's acting like a man? I'm sure a traditionally minded man wants to hear what his wife thinks...lol oh never mind. I'm sure your content with catching a fist with your face from time to time when your husband executes some of that good ol' traditional value right? Get real. Quit trying to push your opinions along as fact. You can't tell anybody how to act like a man or a woman.

[boxing123]

I think if this ever does happen, it is a once in a lifetime occurrence for any man.

 

And I mean where the woman:

 

A. Asks "Hi , I would like to pick you up and take you on a date"

B. When the bill comes, the woman will not let you pay, and insists because she asked you.

 

Notice all the twisting from the women in this thread. The above might happen 1% of the time in real life.(I doubt it happens that much) But it comes up 100% of the time when it is some excuse as to why men should pay. Or they use the "If he was a gentleman" shaming tactic..

[dreamergrl]

I think if this ever does happen, it is a once in a lifetime occurrence for any man.

 

And I mean where the woman:

 

A. Asks "Hi , I would like to pick you up and take you on a date"

B. When the bill comes, the woman will not let you pay, and insists because she asked you.

 

Notice all the twisting from the women in this thread. The above might happen 1% of the time in real life.(I doubt it happens that much) But it comes up 100% of the time when it is some excuse as to why men should pay. Or they use the "If he was a gentleman" shaming tactic..

 

I've got no issue with a or b - but that's just me. Everyone has a different preference on what they like. There are guys out there that hate having the woman pay. Everyone is different. But slamming women about their preference, as several male posters have been doing is just rude. It's alright for people to want certain roles to be played, if you don't like how they are, or what they want, then look for something else. It doesn't make anyone a neanderthal or any other nasty remarks.

[BareGoddess]

What's acting like a woman? What's acting like a man? I'm sure a traditionally minded man wants to hear what his wife thinks...lol oh never mind. I'm sure your content with catching a fist with your face from time to time when your husband executes some of that good ol' traditional value right? Get real. Quit trying to push your opinions along as fact. You can't tell anybody how to act like a man or a woman.

 

Wow. That's just horrible. You get dates?

 

No a real MAN isn't violent and doesn't have to prove he's physically stronger than me. Wow, any man would be doing well to be HALF the man he is, dear.

 

I can tell anybody anything I want. Never said it's FACT. I said that's my preference. And apparently I'm not alone.

 

So go find yourself a nice "modern woman."

 

And if I really need to explain the difference between acting like a man and acting like a woman, you're never gonna get it, so I won't even try.

[BareGoddess]

I've got no issue with a or b - but that's just me. Everyone has a different preference on what they like. There are guys out there that hate having the woman pay. Everyone is different. But slamming women about their preference, as several male posters have been doing is just rude. It's alright for people to want certain roles to be played, if you don't like how they are, or what they want, then look for something else. It doesn't make anyone a neanderthal or any other nasty remarks.

 

Well stated dreamer. Look how rude that response to me was. Was I rude? I was stating a PREFERENCE..maybe modern men don't read that well.

[dreamergrl]

What's acting like a woman? What's acting like a man? I'm sure a traditionally minded man wants to hear what his wife thinks...lol oh never mind. I'm sure your content with catching a fist with your face from time to time when your husband executes some of that good ol' traditional value right? Get real. Quit trying to push your opinions along as fact. You can't tell anybody how to act like a man or a woman.

 

If you really like that a traditional man throws his fists at a woman, then you have no real concept of what a traditional male role is. I have had a fist thrown at me, and it wasn't by a traditional male. One has nothing to do with the other.

 

I've seen plenty of healthy relationships that have traditional roles, where the male does want his wife's input, isn't getting physical with her, and treats each other with respect.

 

Those who feel the need to slam others on this ever so touchy subject obviously are just insecure. A person secure with themselves doesn't need to use such slander.

[Lights]

But slamming women about their preference, as several male posters have been doing is just rude.

Rude or not, I slam those whose "preference" is convenient hypocrisy.

 

Since such people comprise my local environment, I slam them all.

[BareGoddess]

Where's the hypocrisy?

 

Again great post dreamer. It amazes me that some people thing a "traditional" man beats his wife. Wow. My husband treats me like gold.

[dreamergrl]

Rude or not, I slam those whose "preference" is convenient hypocrisy.

 

Since such people comprise my local environment, I slam them all.

 

How do you plan to get a girl at all with that attitude? Is this how you would treat her, should she share a view that you don't agree with?

 

Where's the hypocrisy?

 

Again great post dreamer. It amazes me that some people thing a "traditional" man beats his wife. Wow. My husband treats me like gold.

 

Thanks bare, I agree. It's a disgusting stereotype. Violent men are in a category all in the own (cowards).

[sb129]

Then I think you're cool. I know there are plenty of women who pay their share, as I have dated them. But does your desire to pay come from a strict adherence to the 'who invites, pays' logic, or is it some other reason?

 

Neither. I haven't really given it as much thought as has been devoted to it on here. Sometimes it was because I wanted to go out and do a certain thing or go to a particular place, and my BF at the time couldn't afford it, so I paid for him too.

 

sb129 doesn't find it hard to insist on paying her way..

Well in all fairness I haven't dated anyone who "insisted" to the level that SGs guy did. Nobody has ever slipped money into my wallet or cornered the waiter! My H has done a few things like that, but it was generally on dates that he invited me on.

 

I've got no issue with a or b - but that's just me. Everyone has a different preference on what they like. There are guys out there that hate having the woman pay. Everyone is different. But slamming women about their preference, as several male posters have been doing is just rude. It's alright for people to want certain roles to be played, if you don't like how they are, or what they want, then look for something else. It doesn't make anyone a neanderthal or any other nasty remarks.

Good post DG. Nice to see you back.

[The Collector]

Where's the hypocrisy?

 

That women claim over and over that 'who invites, pays' yet don't stick to that on the rare occasions that they invite. And that they claim to be modern in ways that suit them, but traditional in ways that suit them.

[boxing123]

LOL

 

The question is not if this is acceptable, it is if it ever happens in real life? No, it does not.

 

Secondly, if a girlfriend of yours says, "Hey want to grab dinner?", then you sit back and make sure they pay for the whole bill? I mean they asked right? Would you not be friends with them anymore, or think they are lacking class if they expected you to pay half?

 

Or is it only when the possibility of having sex might enter the equation?

[dreamergrl]

Neither. I haven't really given it as much thought as has been devoted to it on here. Sometimes it was because I wanted to go out and do a certain thing or go to a particular place, and my BF at the time couldn't afford it, so I paid for him too.

 

I so agree with this! I'm the exact same way. I don't look at the logic behind it, it's just what works.

 

 

 

Good post DG. Nice to see you back.

Thanks!

[sb129]

That women claim over and over that 'who invites, pays' yet don't stick to that on the rare occasions that they invite. And that they claim to be modern in ways that suit them, but traditional in ways that suit them.

 

As with any "rule" its difficult to adhere to it 100% of the time, especially when there is another variable (the other person) involved.

 

Sometimes our best intentions don't work out, and I think that as long as both parties involved in the actual date are OK with the outcome of it, then it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

 

Alot of this thread seems to be semantics and thinly veiled bashing directed at specific posters.

[BareGoddess]

That women claim over and over that 'who invites, pays' yet don't stick to that on the rare occasions that they invite. And that they claim to be modern in ways that suit them, but traditional in ways that suit them.

 

I've always stuck to it. But yeah, sometimes the man insists even when I've invited them. (Traditional guys are funny like that!) But normally, I paid if I invited them out. Honestly, money was never an issue when I was dating..for the guy or for me.

 

If it's an issue for some of you, maybe you're just picking the wrong kinds of women. As I've said, some women won't mind for a man not to pay or for them to be asked out and expected to pay half...not sure what planet they live on though! I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm sure they are out there though.

[dreamergrl]

Want I would like to know, is for those of you who are complaining about women not paying, do you mind doing the less traditional male stuff (example: cooking dinner, helping clean up, ect ect)? Or do you expect the woman to be modern when it suits you best?