A Lost Love

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Hello I have been reading this forums for about almost 2 months but was always to scared to post. I like most of you am going through the toughest time in my life. Here is my story and sorry if i bore you it just releases my emotion i have inside and makes me feel a tad better.

 

Me and My girl (well my ex) where together for 6 1/2 yrs we went to the same college we even lived together last year. We were considered the perfect couple by everyone (yea i kno that no one is perfect but its just a matter of speech). We hardly ever fought and we were always happy. She has met all my family in california and mexico and everyone fell in love with her. Our families bond so well and her family loves me as much as mine loves her.

 

This summer was probably the time that we reached a high point with our love it was amazing. I dont know if she was overwhelmed with all the weddings we attended because she told me she wanted to be mine 4ever and she even gave me pictures of rings she wanted, asked her friends to give me hints, told her mom and my mom. So i was going to ask her to marry me when she got back from Studying Abroad. When she left she bawled her eyes out told me she loved me told my mom that i was her man and that she would be back to be with our family.

 

Fast forward a month that she was abroad and i noticed she was more distanced than usual somedays she would say she loved me and others she said she was confused and did not know what she wanted. This was killing me on the inside it felt like part of my heart was missing. On my b-day i sent her 50 roses to where she is at and she sent me a heart felt email telling me happy b-day and that i always make her feel so special and she loved me. Then the day after my b-day she was distant again and i couldnt take it anymore so i talked to her on the phone and basically ask her why she was with me and she couldnt answer...i broke down and told her how i felt about her....and told her to go find herself. She kept trying to hold me off and kept saying "what if im making a mistake".

 

After the break up i like most of you went throught he routine i lost weight, was really emotional, the works. Being the dumb person i am she kept talking to me and i talked back. She would give me hope by saying i still see us together in the future. At the end of november after she sent me a message like that again. After that i have hardly heard from her and it hurts but i know that i shouldnt contact her. Ive talked to her about 4 times Since the end of November.

 

The thing that sucks is ive always been an emotional guy my parents split up when i was 8 so i never had that father figure in my life to turn to. I would turn to my ex when ever something wrong would happen and she was my shoulder. (My mom has said she loved me more than i loved her, which sometimes i think maybe she did). Everyone tells me im one of the greatest people they know that i have a huge heart and that any girl would want to be with me that i need to try and move on asap. The thing is that i put all my problems into 1 my breakup, the longing issue ive had with my dad that i cant even tell him i love him because he cheated on my mom. Everything goes into one ball so when i feel down i just cry almost all day or im just sad all day. This is getting rather long so ill cease it here......the price you pay for giving all your heart to someone is risky.

 

i found this quote yesterday and i think its a really good one.

 

"The world's a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." says its from Rocky balboa

[motive2002]

I wish there was something I could tell you to help ease the pain. This isn't the first time I've heard the story of distance breaking a relationship.

I've been in a long distance relationship so I can kinda relate to how you feel. The time apart from each other broke us.

 

In my grief my dad shared a story with me that may or may not have any relevance to my own situation or yours.

He was madly in love with this girl while he was in the service. It was a unfettering passion on both sides. She asked him to marry him.. she wanted to be his wife.. but my dad, having the most amazing insight (I dunno how he's like this to be honest) told her that there's NO way he was going to get married while in the service.

While stationed in Okinawa, she sent letter upon letter dripping with sentiment and affection.. but gradually the letters stopped coming in such frequency. He learned afterward through the grapevine that she had been seeing a couple guys in his absence. He had ultimately made the right choice.

Myself, I'm not in control of my emotions enough to have made that type of decision. I think the acorn got caught in a windstorm when it fell off the tree, so to speak.

 

I guess what you can take from all of this, is to be glad you didn't get married before she went to study abroad. It would have been much much worse.

 

Whatever you do, don't get trapped into thinking "what if", or "If I did things different...." You have no control over events that have already taken place. The only direction to look is forward. It's hard, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of a million things I could have done differently to make things right, but you have to keep your focus on the future rather than the past. Your quote is a very good one. I have one that I keep with me that's similar.

"There will be betrayal and despair no matter what path in life you take." It's inevitable. There are things that happen that are out of your control. What you need to focus on is what you do have control over. It's what gives you power. It's part of our survival instinct.

 

Good luck to you. I know my post was long, and I have no idea if it was helpful... just be sure that I can, at the very least empathize with you.

 

You're gonna be ok. Take care!

[Por Un Segundo]

No your post was great and everytime i read someones reaction to a situation it gives you a way of thinking differently. Sometimes people want to here the sugared down version of what is going on. Even now i have some friends or family that tell me dont worry she will be back with you just do your thing till she comes back. As much as i want to believe it, i tell them that i cant think like that, because what if she doesnt come back to me then im still stuck in this crappy situation. Thanks for the input though Motive was really helpful