motive2002 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This one bugs me because I really like the current one, but I feel like I'm making zero progress. She's really attentive and thoughtful.. and remembers a lot about our previous conversations without referring to her notes. I can tell that she genuinely cares about my well-being, but I need to get out of my rut! There's different types of therapy that I'd like to explore.. Cognitive behavior therapy, hypnosis.. she keeps suggesting EMDR, but it's like we haven't even got to it yet. She tells that we're doing ground work on it, but I haven't actually had a session with it yet. I'd hate to think that years of therapy will teach me how to "breathe".. I'm tired of hearing I should breathe. I know it's important, but I need something else By the way, are there any licensed therapists that roam these boards? I mean, I dunno if a therapist would browse this type of site on their free time. It's kinda like doing work for free lol.
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I really like the current one, but I feel like I'm making zero progress. I have thousands of therapy hours under my belt, and numerous therapists. I have dumped therapists who didn't, for whatever their reason, listen to what I said I wanted and needed in terms of "modalities" and such -- my dime, I get to have the major say, is my feeling about that. Have you expressed your dissatisfaction to her? It's tough to connect with a therapist with whom you have rapport, so you may want to be more proactive about getting THIS one to start working towards YOUR agenda and not hers. If it is that you feel uncomfortable about expressing your dislikes then...well, ain't that also a good topic for a session or two?
Author motive2002 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 I asked about hypnosis. I guess it's something she's either not versed in, or she doesn't have faith in that type of procedure.. hmm.. I need to clarify that. My first therapist wasn't attentive at all. The first time I seen him gazing out the window while I was talking.. I almost said something to the likes of "are you even listening to me?" I guess he just wanted an easy gig, where he was paid well to just sit and listen to other people's problems. I immediately asked to be referred to someone else.
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I asked about hypnosis. I guess it's something she's either not versed in, or she doesn't have faith in Well, yeah. IMO she ought to have shared with you whatever her professional opinions are about hypnosis...or any other 'technique' you ask about or want to try. Have you done any research of your own, in terms of what hypnosis can and cannot do? -- little while back there was a thread about hypnosis, I think in the 'self improvement' forum.
Author motive2002 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 I've read up on hypnosis enough to want to try it. I think under the right circumstances my brain will be highly suggestible, and open to positive influence. ...or another way to put it.. I'd like to be brainwashed into thinking I have high self esteem, loads of self confidence, and can give a crap less about what the ex is doing or how she feels about me. Maybe I'm not being realistic hehe... but it sounds like under hypnosis that can be, at the very least, suggested to my subconsious.. and yenno the old saying.. hear something repeated enough times and it starts to become true.
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I'd like to be brainwashed into thinking I have high self esteem, loads of self confidence, and can give a crap less about what the ex is doing or how she feels about me. :laugh: Yep, hypnosis can do wonders for the first two -- not sure it can "make" you not give a crap if you actually give a crap, though While you sort out your therapy situation, you could google "free hypnosis scripts", and then use it record your own self-esteem/confidence 'tape' or ask a friend with a pleasing voice to record it for you. Personalize it as you see fit. If you want to consider that you will be "retraining" or "re-framing" your current thoughts, it may be more beneficial than the word "brainwashing" -- to me, the first two just feel more like we (hypnotist clients) maintain our power, which really is what hypnosis is all about...helps us to use our own mind power more effectively. Good luck!
Posco_Proudfoot Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This isn't related too the much to the thread, but I just wondered if insurance covers most therapy? Was considering looking into going...
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I just wondered if insurance covers most therapy? If you can get your doctor to refer you to a therapist for work-related stress and/or a combo of that plus some other traumatic event...that can be most helpful. But, sshhh! You didn't hear it from me EDIT: Also a good idea to check with your HR before you spend too much out of pocket, just in case it doesn't get covered.
Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This one bugs me because I really like the current one, but I feel like I'm making zero progress. If you feel like your making zero progress then IMO it would not hurt to look for a new therapsit. I had to go through a couple. The first one I had kept telling me I was attractive and that freaked me out. The second just listened and did not seem to give me any real direction. It was the third one that really heard me and was very helpful with suggesting ways to get past my panic disorder.. and in a way that made sense to me. There's different types of therapy that I'd like to explore.. Cognitive behavior therapy Do explore CBT it works wonders. Good luck to you. Mea:)
Geishawhelk Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I tried three different therapists. The first was extremely religious, and the God issue was just too much for me to stomach. The second - needed therapy so badly, I actually ended listening to her issues! The third one told me she was having difficulty engaging with me, because she'd taken an active dislike to me...... but we could carry on and see where it got us.....! (I eventually discovered she thought I facied her, and I was falsely taking up her time under the pretext of being able to see her - as I seemed more together and confident than she was! The practice dispensed with her services about 2 months later. But I didn't get my money back!) In the end, I 'did me', myself! I tried self-help books, auto-hypnosis, meditation and affirmation CDs, and trained in counselling myself! I used to be conceited, but now - after working on myself - I'm absolutely perfect!!
2sunny Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 if you are to make progress - then you need to implement change into your daily life. this will make you feel "uncomfortable" at first but then, you will realize that things get better and then the change becomes second nature. as far as the EMDR - there aren't a lot of professionals in this arena - but they are around. what area are you in? EMDR is often used in extreme cases such as abuse, rape and alcohol/chemical dependency to "reprogram the brain" into removing the trauma or events or obsession. this is a very specific approach that is still fairly new, but has had some good cognitive results. without giving away too much information, you may be able to find one or two in your area if you live in a highly populated place. but then again, have you tapped into the tools that your therapist has suggested you try that would produce change in your behavior/thoughts? that would be a good place to start.
Trialbyfire Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Many therapists specialize in certain types of therapy, like CBT, etc. EMDR is considered effective for trauma. Take a look at the attached FAQ link to the EMDR Institute. http://www.emdr.com/q&a.htm
jc Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 There's different types of therapy that I'd like to explore.. Cognitive behavior therapy, hypnosis.. she keeps suggesting EMDR, but it's like we haven't even got to it yet. She tells that we're doing ground work on it, but I haven't actually had a session with it yet. . Hmm. Well I've done the EMDR therapy with my therapist (last year) and we started on the second session. I'm not sure what 'ground work' you would really need to do on it. Mainly, you pick something that is really hurting you, you rate it's intensity, you do the EMDR (I wore headphones that beeped into each ear back and forth and held little vibrating disks in each hand that also alternated vibrating between my left and right hands), then you rate the intensity afterwards. And repeat as necessary until the intensity of the feeling/issue is down to a 0. I did find it helpful. I think that that therapy was what made me actually finally let go of a very destructive on/again/off/again relationship that had been going on for almost 5 years by that point. I found the EMDR much more helpful than simple 'talk therapy'. Identifying and analyzing issues is fine and great, but to actually clear that issue or shift the energy, I think sometimes you need something more, like EMDR. I'm trying a new method on my own, it's based on research done at the University of Chicago by Gendlin. The book is called "focusing" and it's a different way to tap into your issue, based on where you are sensing it in your body. You may want to try something like that because it is something you can learn on your own or do with a friend.
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 , you pick something that is really hurting you, you rate it's intensity, you do the EMDR EFT (emotional freedom technique) works along those lines, too. Can be self-administered and self-learned. Free manual and articles at emofree.com Thanks also for the reminder about 'focusing' -- I bought that book ages ago but haven't read the whole thing...gonna take another look and see where I can apply it to my own stuff.
kizik Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I know this thread is about therapy (and I just started w/ a new therapist myself, so I have might have some things to say). But I want to address the quote below. And listen up Motive, b/c since you never respond to my comments I never know if you're listening (much like the first therapist you mentioned!). I'd like to be brainwashed into thinking I have high self esteem, loads of self confidence, and can give a crap less about what the ex is doing or how she feels about me. Newsflash: you don't need hypnosis or even therapy to reach this point. OK, I want to do a little hypothetical thought experiment. #1. Let's say for a moment that your ex thinks you're great. She just thinks you're the greatest, hottest, smartest person in the whole world. WAIT! She doesn't. Or else she'd probably be with you after hanging onto you. And she wouldn't have treated you badly. So we can rule #1 out. #2. Let's say she hates you with a passion. She wakes up every morning thinking, "That Motive is such a piece of sh*t. I hate him so much. Arrgh. F*ck Motive." Well, we can rule out #2 as well. You know why? B/c you're not important to her. You know what my ex is doing right now? I'll tell you: not thinking about me. You know what she is doing? Having sex with her new boyfriend. #3. She doesn't think about you at all. #3 is the truth, man. And it's a big blow to your ego. Summary: no matter what your ex is doing (or whom), and no matter what she thinks about you, this should not change your life. You're not as far along in your recovery as I would like, Motive, and that's b/c all you do is think about her, this woman who ditched you and never looked back. Do you think that kind of person deserves even one second of thought-time? Time to put yourself first. Time to believe that you are a separate entity that has nothing to do with her. B/c that is the truth.
GodofNietzsche Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I all honesty, just bc she treated him poorly, doesn't necessarily mean she thought little of him. Sometimes it means she thinks little of herself. My ex looked up to people who treated her poorly (while *hit talking them), and treated me badly (even saying I don't know why you treat me well, I'm not worth it, I'm so %ucked up). She was right.
Author motive2002 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 Hmm. Well I've done the EMDR therapy with my therapist (last year) and we started on the second session. I'm not sure what 'ground work' you would really need to do on it. Mainly, you pick something that is really hurting you, you rate it's intensity, you do the EMDR (I wore headphones that beeped into each ear back and forth and held little vibrating disks in each hand that also alternated vibrating between my left and right hands), then you rate the intensity afterwards. And repeat as necessary until the intensity of the feeling/issue is down to a 0. I did find it helpful. I think that that therapy was what made me actually finally let go of a very destructive on/again/off/again relationship that had been going on for almost 5 years by that point. I found the EMDR much more helpful than simple 'talk therapy'. Identifying and analyzing issues is fine and great, but to actually clear that issue or shift the energy, I think sometimes you need something more, like EMDR. I'm trying a new method on my own, it's based on research done at the University of Chicago by Gendlin. The book is called "focusing" and it's a different way to tap into your issue, based on where you are sensing it in your body. You may want to try something like that because it is something you can learn on your own or do with a friend. I think maybe I blab too much to try and instill either confidence in myself, or with my therapist that I have enough insight to change. She did ask about certain feelings and where on a 1-10 scale I would rate them. The problem is, I may walk in and she may ask me what my 1-10 scale on depression, for example is.. and by the time I'm off work and through the whole drill press thing (which is another thread altogether) I'm sitting at maybe a 1 or 2 at the most. I think she's relating my anxiety, or thoughts of despair to something in my childhood (go figure, right?) that were old reactions from things long ago that have resurfaced due to recent events. I guess you could say that's the ground-work, although my childhood is so long ago... a lot of those old memories don't really stir up the pot so much as recent ones do. I think maybe if I try to steer things to the task at hand, rather than discuss how my week went etc etc.. but how I'm feeling from day to day all seems so relevant. Here's the drill press thread for reference http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164599/ It's like the opposite of meditation, or focus when the job is so completely mindless.. the constant rumination about the ex, and thoughts of unworthiness and despair ebb and flow throughout my day until I'm finally off work and can get all the distraction I need from TV, the internet etc.. Oh, now I'm on the couch... sorry to carry on hehe.
kizik Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I all honesty, just bc she treated him poorly, doesn't necessarily mean she thought little of him. Sometimes it means she thinks little of herself. You're really missing the point. Yes, I am sure she had low self-esteem. But she could care less about the guy. So it's a pretty terrible thing to still care about someone who so clearly does not care about you. It will drive your mind into hell. Motive doesn't come across as liking himself very much, and I think that he has internalized his ex and her comments to the point of completely destroying his self-image and creating an incorrect and totally damaging mindset. This world is much bigger than the stupid ex, people.
GodofNietzsche Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I agree maybe she did think little of him, but that's not my point. And actually, given your last statement we agree. A lot of times it is a reflection of the other person and not on us. The world is bigger than our ex's. They are not god. Maybe we should be happy they think little of us. Maybe we should be happy that they don't want us in their lives, because we know they shouldn't be in ours. Maybe, right now, we just can accept it.
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 constant rumination about the ex, and thoughts of unworthiness and despair ebb and flow throughout my day It is true that your real changes are gonna happen as a result of the efforts you make outside of your therapy sessions. One "mental distraction" technique I recently read about is to count in 13s, say to around 150. Then start at 200, and subtract in 13s. (Cos 13 is a number that'll keep ALL of your mind busy...no spare 'mental power' for undesirable ruminations.) Other type of technique is the 'power pause', detailed here: http://www.richbits.com/RBArchives/45sRB_powerpause.htm And you can visualize yourself playing a game of tennis or golf, or scuba diving, or climbing Mt. Everest, or building an igloo...you get the picture. Instead of just letting your mind run the exact same (crappy, unwanted) movie through your head, become the creator, producer and director of something much better. It all does take practice, and practice is what takes -- keep plugging away at it, counting, power pausing, and using whatever other tools 'n tricks you come across that will help you stop your unwanted "mind chatter & mental images", and master your own thoughts. Kizik is right that we don't NEED hypnosis and the like, but such 'assists' sure do come in handy when we need a bit of help to get a proper handle on our "stuff"
jc Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I think maybe I blab too much to try and instill either confidence in myself, or with my therapist that I have enough insight to change. She did ask about certain feelings and where on a 1-10 scale I would rate them. The problem is, I may walk in and she may ask me what my 1-10 scale on depression, for example is.. and by the time I'm off work and through the whole drill press thing (which is another thread altogether) I'm sitting at maybe a 1 or 2 at the most. I think she's relating my anxiety, or thoughts of despair to something in my childhood (go figure, right?) that were old reactions from things long ago that have resurfaced due to recent events. I guess you could say that's the ground-work, although my childhood is so long ago... a lot of those old memories don't really stir up the pot so much as recent ones do. I think maybe if I try to steer things to the task at hand, rather than discuss how my week went etc etc.. but how I'm feeling from day to day all seems so relevant. Here's the drill press thread for reference http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164599/ It's like the opposite of meditation, or focus when the job is so completely mindless.. the constant rumination about the ex, and thoughts of unworthiness and despair ebb and flow throughout my day until I'm finally off work and can get all the distraction I need from TV, the internet etc.. Oh, now I'm on the couch... sorry to carry on hehe. Okay, so first of all, she is getting you to rate your feelings, or your overall depression. But what I did in EMDR therapy was pick a specific thing that was very hurtful to think about in relation to my ex. So for me, it was the idea that he was off in Australia (he had went on a trip) having a wonderful time with this girl he had met there (he had called and told me) and not caring about me at all. This thought and all of the images that went along with it were very painful and impeded my ability to just move on with my life. So even if overall that day I rated my depression at a 2 or 3, that thought/idea of him living it up in Australia was still at a number 8 in intensity. So we would then do the EMDR work on that idea until it was down to a 0. Until I really didn't care if he was having the time of his life or not. And there probably are things from your childhood that are making it difficult for you to let go. Some deeply-held belief about yourself that you are carrying around and that has gotten triggered by this current break up. But you don't have to do EMDR on those childhood things. You can start with a more recent thing that is upsetting you. You don't have to start with talking about your childhood in order to clear some of the upset you are going through now. Although you may find that some of those deeper issues come to the surface when you clear more recent stuff. If you want to try something at home that is similar in concept to EMDR, look up EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). There are videos on YouTube. This is another way to clear some of the upset, although you'll have to decide for yourself how effective it is for you.
jc Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 You're really missing the point. Yes, I am sure she had low self-esteem. But she could care less about the guy. So it's a pretty terrible thing to still care about someone who so clearly does not care about you. It will drive your mind into hell. Motive doesn't come across as liking himself very much, and I think that he has internalized his ex and her comments to the point of completely destroying his self-image and creating an incorrect and totally damaging mindset. This world is much bigger than the stupid ex, people. Really in the end, you don't know how she feels about Motive. She may hate him, she may be angry with him, she may still have some feelings of caring for him, she may care less. The point is, Motive will never really know how she feels about him. I will never really know how my ex felt about me at the time of breaking up, or right now. You'll never know for sure how your ex feels about you. Things are not just black and white: She broke up with him and treated him poorly so therefor she could care less about him. Not necessarily. She could just be unhappy in her own life and that could be reflected in her choice to leave the relationship the way she did. She could be very emotionally immature. She could be at a time in her life where she is not ready to really commit herself to another person, and it wouldn't really matter who that person is. I've been the 'dumper' before and I still loved the person I broke up with. It wasn't that I could have cared less about him, I just knew things were not going to work out. I guess my main point is that we'll never really truly know how our ex's feel about us. And in the end, it doesn't matter. All that matters is how we feel. I agree with you there Kizik, we have to put ourselves first now. But very few of us can claim to know for certain how our ex's feel about us. And that's probably a good thing.
steve9417 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 KIZIK - you sum it up well ........ when we slip back into old self defeating habits (which we're more than capable of doing - we're human after all ) we need to bring it back to ourselves - when we can be our own source of contentment and be at peace within then we're onto something more much more reliable and accessible
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