sinkerswim Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Last night, my boyfriend all of a sudden mentions about where am I going to take Jiggy.. (my cat)..when I move out. I didnt want to hear it... I told him.. "Sweetie..No...lets not talk about this..I want you in my life"..and he said.."dont keeping lying to yourself..we have discussed this". So..then we really start talking...and we just discussed everything again about when I move back to PA and everything. I cried so hard.... He promised we would remain friends..since we were friends even before we started dating. He told me he was very sorry for doing this to me..and uprooting my life again. He told me I will always remain in his heart. That he does love me...but he just isn't happy anymore. It wasn't a light decision..that this was really thought about. He told me that I was a good girlfriend..etc. I also made him promise me that if he truly wants me back one day..to pursue me..no matter what...no matter if I am in PA or wherever...and he said if it is meant to be..that he would. He keeps telling me "why keep prolonging this though..because it makes it all harder" OMG..I just cant seem to pack up and leave...I don't want this to be over. I have built a life out here. But I cant get an apartment because I have no money. I cannot bear saying our last goodbyes in person and driving 900 miles away from him. Just a bit ago..he went out to a computer show... So I feel so alone today. I am supposed to work tonite..but I just don't want to go. I work in a Galleria part time in a cosmetics store. How do I put on a happy face...I cant bear it... knowing I will be leaving him soon and what I have to face. I have no appetite. No happiness. Scared to death. Scared of my future. I am feeling horrible at this moment. My body just feels weird. Like I can hardly go on. Someone help. I need you guys. :-(
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This is the time you truly find out how strong you are. I was telling another topic about ying and yang. The ying is the hurt from the pain. The yang is the strength that derives from experiencing the pain. There is two sides to everything; if you embrace the pain, you'll end up stronger. Sure, that's not what you want to hear right now. But it's about the only fact I can give you in a situation like this. And at least your ex bf handled this responsibly. He didn't lead you on at this point, or give you false hope. He told you exactly how it was; and that's exactly what you need to hear. He did you a favor by being up front.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 you should move as soon as possible. he is right that dragging it out will only hurt you more. he has clearly already detached himself from this situation. nothing you can say now will bring him back. it's difficult, i know. but moving now will help you to heal faster rather than sinking further where you are already. make the break.
Author sinkerswim Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 Thank you , Tom.. I know you are right... I know he is handling this the right way...not like my ex fiance did 5 years ago...my ex fiance told me he just needed space one day and never talked to me about it and shut me out of his life. But you are right...It is better to just face it. Thank you for your insight. I need support like this!
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Ah to answer your question in the previous topic about if it'll be easier once you move away: YES. Trust me. It will help you a LOT to know you won't run into any of the buildings or restaurants or stores, or run into HIM. It may not seem like it but God granted you a pretty great favor with this situation by not making you suffer by being near him. You'll be FAR away and it'll make you smile.
Author sinkerswim Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 Thanks for the reply Camper...You are right..I should just get it over with. I just gotta remember..the friends I made out here..I can still have.. we can talk on the phone and in emails..and if they ever want to visit me..they can! . And when the time is and feels right..I can visit out here again. Tom....thank you so much for helping. Even if him and I have memories back in my home state of PA ...I don't think it will be as bad as it would be if I stayed here in Illinois... But then again, I keep thinking...would it be easier if I got a small apartment somewhere knowing I can see him..if he wants me back? But then theres the money issue. *sigh* Plus..I need my family in times like these.. I just hope and pray that if he wants me back...he will pursue me again. He told me he would..so I have that to hold on to.
BareGoddess Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Swim, I strongly urge you to not hold on to that hope. He's let go. I know this sounds cliche and probably isn't a big help now but trust me, things happen for a reason. When my ex and I separated I thought I was going to die from the pain. I really once thought he was the one for me. Little did I know that just around the corner was the man of my dreams who I ended up marrying and we're very happy together. Looking back I now see why I had to go through what I did. It makes me appreciate so much more what I have now. You're stronger than you think. You can do this. Come here for support and lean on your family for now. But yes, leave soon. It will only make you feel worse if you don't take control over this and you beg him. You will be ok. You really will. Hang in there, ok? Just take one step at a time. You're not alone. We've all gone through this. Talk to anyone who is really happy now and ask them if they've ever gone through anything really painful like this...guarantee you that 99% have. Be strong, ok?
Author sinkerswim Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 Swim, I strongly urge you to not hold on to that hope. He's let go. I know this sounds cliche and probably isn't a big help now but trust me, things happen for a reason. When my ex and I separated I thought I was going to die from the pain. I really once thought he was the one for me. Little did I know that just around the corner was the man of my dreams who I ended up marrying and we're very happy together. Looking back I now see why I had to go through what I did. It makes me appreciate so much more what I have now. You're stronger than you think. You can do this. Come here for support and lean on your family for now. But yes, leave soon. It will only make you feel worse if you don't take control over this and you beg him. You will be ok. You really will. Hang in there, ok? Just take one step at a time. You're not alone. We've all gone through this. Talk to anyone who is really happy now and ask them if they've ever gone through anything really painful like this...guarantee you that 99% have. Be strong, ok? Thank you, Goddess... Actually I have gone through this before...5 years ago. Me ex fiance left me out of the blue..went through a horrible depression. A year later..when I was feeling good..I met my current boyfriend. I was never so happy. I know..I gotta leave soon. I know. Its gonna suck like hell...but I have to.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 i agree with goddess..........don't hold onto that hope. i'm 2 months out of a relationship, and even though it has been made clear to me that it's over, i'm still hanging on to the hope, even though we've technically had no contact in over 6 weeks. the message couldn't be clearer. holding on to that hope won't help you to move on. i can tell you that much. how to let go is another thing. i wish i knew how because i think that would give me the help i need because i can see how that false hope is holding me back. he might contact you some day...............but you can't build your life around the hope that he will. time to live for yourself.
BareGoddess Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Thank you, Goddess... Actually I have gone through this before...5 years ago. Me ex fiance left me out of the blue..went through a horrible depression. A year later..when I was feeling good..I met my current boyfriend. I was never so happy. I know..I gotta leave soon. I know. Its gonna suck like hell...but I have to. You're welcome. And yeah, it will suck but you know you're a survivor since you've gone through this before. Sounds like you've pretty much paid your dues by now (my little theory) and that happiness is around the corner for you. Think of it as starting the next chapter in your life. This one is closed now. The next one will be better, I'm sure. And be really picky about who you give your heart to next time. Make sure you're compatible before you emotionally invest. You really will be ok though. Think of this next chapter as an adventure of sorts. You are the author of your own story. I know that sounds cheesy but it's really true. Living well is the best revenge as they say! Do it.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I live in PA. Near pittsburgh actually. So when you're thinking of stuff in PA, think of me. Maybe we'll go to the city sometime lol
Author sinkerswim Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 You're welcome. And yeah, it will suck but you know you're a survivor since you've gone through this before. Sounds like you've pretty much paid your dues by now (my little theory) and that happiness is around the corner for you. Think of it as starting the next chapter in your life. This one is closed now. The next one will be better, I'm sure. And be really picky about who you give your heart to next time. Make sure you're compatible before you emotionally invest. You really will be ok though. Think of this next chapter as an adventure of sorts. You are the author of your own story. I know that sounds cheesy but it's really true. Living well is the best revenge as they say! Do it. We are compatible in many ways..such as we dont drink , smoke or do drugs or cheat on each other... We thought we were the "perfect fit"...he was thrilled he found me..and I found him. He was sooo good to me those couple of years...now its all over. OMG..I wont be getting in any relationships for a long time again. Just like with my ex...it took me exactly a year...then I was ready.. But he found me and I was thrilled. :-( Tom..I am from Scranton area in PA... that would be cool to get together sometime...I know you are in Pitt...but you never know!!
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