iwanttolive Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I guess my mistake was jumping into relationship too quickly. We felt high and dizzy flirting with each other but there was no solid bond between us. We were consumed by passion and soon it burnt out. I guess he did not experience the thrill of chasing me and did not think i was special. I don't know if I'm right, but yeah, i guess that was the mistake I made. What do u feel went wrong in your relationship? Pls share with me...
hoartiosans Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I think I learned not to ignore initially feelings completely, I ignored my original feeling that she was wrong for me, and let myself fall in love with her. Therefore before I knew it she was breaking my heart and treating me like I was a pile of crap (which is also what I feel like.)
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I learned that I am not a jealous person, but if I end up having a feeling that she is into someone else even if she tells me she isn't then there has to be at least something going on. I need to pay more attention. This is the second time this has happened. I know now.
GloryDays Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I learned that you should listen more to instincts. I learned that everything is golden for the first year and that even if you spend an enormous amount of time with someone you may not really know the person...it could be a built up fantasy you created in your head, or they were a really good actor.
malibustacydoll Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I think every relationship that I have been in has taught me something. I think the overall theme that the previous three (at least the three that I count as relationships) is that I do not need a guy to make me happy or define who I am. It is also that I shouldn't be with someone just for the mere purpose of having a boyfriend. I have made this mistake and realized it. It is definitely better to be alone and happy.
Leroy_Down Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I've learnt that if you treat someone like they are plaine, eventually they'll take off...
Riffmeister General Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I've learned that I don't deal well with break-ups. And the instinct thing. Should have listened to myself.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 The biggest thing I've learnt so far is to never, ever let myself be a reboundee again, especially when I'm ready and looking for something serious.
here_I_am_again Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Silverthorn, you have summed up my learning in one easy sentence. It's so painful. My ex bf was in a relationship for 13 years before we started dating (similar length of time to your ex) and whilst I feel that I've been used to 'fix' him, he's completely broken me in the process. My post is called "No reason he says! Don't believe it I say" if you can help at all!?
jc Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I've learned to really pay attention to those 'warning signs' that pop up during the relationship, the big red flags, and then to really think them through and act on them if necessary. For example, when my ex said 2 months in "You're the only thing in my life that makes me happy. I don't like anything else in my life". I did take note of that, but then I ignored it. I just let myself be swept up in the current of love. And I've learned to look at the role I played in the break up. Are there things I could have done better? In what way did my own fears/issues contribute to things ending?
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 And I've learned to look at the role I played in the break up. Are there things I could have done better? In what way did my own fears/issues contribute to things ending? That's one I've thinking about too, because I'm pretty sure that had a role to play in my own break-up. Mind you, when you're the reboundee, there isn't much room to manoeuvre, but nonetheless, I'm still asking myself if my problems in dealing with the ex-husband's proxy presence had something to do with the end of my relationship.
Riffmeister General Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 That's one I've thinking about too, because I'm pretty sure that had a role to play in my own break-up. Mind you, when you're the reboundee, there isn't much room to manoeuvre, but nonetheless, I'm still asking myself if my problems in dealing with the ex-husband's proxy presence had something to do with the end of my relationship. Must be really hard NOT to think that way, and I guess it's beneficial if you think about it at a time when you're ready to, but making yourself feel bad for a relationship you didn't actively end or cause to end can't help. I went through something similar today, but after a long chat with my mum, I've realised I'm still the injured party, and shouldn't feel guilty at all.
Trialbyfire Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 After you've moved on or during, depending on how you process information and at what point you are in your life, review what happened to the relationship. In identifying what went wrong, you can also allocate responsibility, not that you should call the other person and say, "these are your responsibilities" because not everyone wants to face them. Once you identify your responsibility, then you can choose to change that aspect or not. Also, when you identify the other parties responsibilities, you can avoid the same things happening, by avoiding the red flags. Keep in mind that what one person views as dysfunctional, another could view as a necessity, within a relationship. One thing that does help with bitterness and cynicism, is to also look to the good times, after you've moved on. When you're still mired in pain and hurt, this isn't a good idea because it will slow down your healing process. Once you've moved on, at least you can look back and know that it wasn't a waste, in that there were good times and you've learned something about yourself and others, during the bad times.
You'reasian Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I guess my mistake was jumping into relationship too quickly. We felt high and dizzy flirting with each other but there was no solid bond between us. We were consumed by passion and soon it burnt out. I guess he did not experience the thrill of chasing me and did not think i was special. I don't know if I'm right, but yeah, i guess that was the mistake I made. What do u feel went wrong in your relationship? Pls share with me... Have you considered that many men don't get a thrill out of chasing a woman? Perhaps he thought you were special, but he is a 'grounded' individual.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Must be really hard NOT to think that way, and I guess it's beneficial if you think about it at a time when you're ready to, but making yourself feel bad for a relationship you didn't actively end or cause to end can't help. I went through something similar today, but after a long chat with my mum, I've realised I'm still the injured party, and shouldn't feel guilty at all. Despite my pain and sadness, I'm frankly having a lot of trouble drawing any conclusion other than I was simply there to fix my ex- enough for her to feel like she should go on her way. She, at one point, told me she doesn't believe in us, anymore. That confirms that I was simply the re-bound boy, and there was really not much saving this relationship, no matter how much I tried and did the right things.
Riffmeister General Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Despite my pain and sadness, I'm frankly having a lot of trouble drawing any conclusion other than I was simply there to fix my ex- enough for her to feel like she should go on her way. She, at one point, told me she doesn't believe in us, anymore. That confirms that I was simply the re-bound boy, and there was really not much saving this relationship, no matter how much I tried and did the right things. And I think that's the best way to look at it. There was nothing to save, nothing you could have done, it wasn't worth saving anyway. Again, similar situation, I did NOTHING wrong, but she decides she has to be with this other guy cos she can't deal with the LDR. Well, I could have not gone away, but she was so into the relationship, I had no clue it would break it up. 20/20 hindsight.
Sexy Kitty Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Ive learned to try not to rush into things so fast and that if things seems to good to be true they probably are.
confused_2008 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Have you considered that many men don't get a thrill out of chasing a woman? Perhaps he thought you were special, but he is a 'grounded' individual. It may not be thrilling, but if the man doesn't have to do any chasing, he might get bored and take her for granted.
Butterfly01 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I've learned that trying to go back to being "just friends" with someone you are in love with is painful and doesn't work. But I've also learned that no matter how hurt and sad I am, that I will get up tomorrow morning and make it through another day.
Template Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 On a personal note, I've learned that I can love another and put someone's needs ahead of my own (10 years in between a SERIOUS relationship). I've also learned that no matter how much I tried to accomodate, bend backwards, and sacrifice to make this woman happy, sometimes it just wasn't meant to be-some people just doesn't want to be happy. I've learned that life is short, and while I can't always be happy, I shouldn't be sad, and that I should have a person in my life that would like to live life with me striving for happiness and contentment. I'm worth it.
belladonna Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I`ve learned a lot. I think I jumped into this last relationship too quickly. I need to use this time of being single to learn more about myself and to focus on my goals and future. I`m not rushing into anything for awhile.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Another thing I've learnt from my latest experience: if the other person never once asks – over the course of your relationship with them – what would make you happy in the relationship (at least in the context of mine), then it's destined to be extremely one-sided and doomed to fail. It's a sign they're in it only for their own gratification.
Riffmeister General Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Another thing I've learnt from my latest experience: if the other person never once asks – over the course of your relationship with them – what would make you happy in the relationship (at least in the context of mine), then it's destined to be extremely one-sided and doomed to fail. It's a sign they're in it only for their own gratification. In my experience, it doesn't matter WHAT they say in a relationship, one day it'll look like a load of BS. I've stopped thinking about all the things she said to me, it's just too painful and not helping.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I hear you. I guess I was more thinking about the things she simply never asked or said.
Riffmeister General Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah, like "Come home, I miss you" instead of pretending everything's fine then falling for another guy.
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