melly18 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I had a strict religious upbringing, and remained a virgin through school and college, as I was living at home, and even though I was never much of a believer, more so as I grew older, I didn't sleep with anyone because I felt guilty and also because I would have had to deal with nasty comments from my friends who are quite religious. I always believed that it's fine to have sex in a committed relationship. I used to date guys who were religious to avoid problems though. But now I'm in a different city, working, but at 25 I feel scared to get close to to guys when I am dating, because I'm worried they will get freaked out and run for the hills. I am willing to have sex in a relationship, but don't have any experience. Would that scare guys away? So...any advice?
MN randomguy Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 No, shouldn't be a problem. Many guys like to de-flower a girl. However, the emotional side of it will make you awkward around someone you like.
zenith Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 well said, MN randomguy! I wouldn't mind de-flowering you
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 There is no such thing as a generic "guy". The right guy will like who you are and what you are about so no, it's not a problem.
wuggle Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Jeez..religion meses everyone up doesn't it. You say you had feelings of guilt ? is this a catholic religion ? Anyway, don't panic too much. Most guys wouldn't have a problem with you being a virgin at 25, many would like it for lots of different reasons. Put all thought of religion out of your head, sex and religion really don't go well together. When you find the right bloke you'll know, it will just happen. You are right, your friends are NOT. Sex in a loving relationship is good. ps I was 24 when I lost my virginity, most of my friends lost thiers at 16 (or so they say) - it doesn't matter a jot. wait\don't wait - your call, you only have yourselfto answer to on this not your friends not god. When you find the right guy, go with the flow.
soconfused01 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 it depends on the guy. Some guys wont' have a problem with it because they get a huge ego boost to be your first- but that's not ideal because they're making it about themselves rather than about you. Some guys will have a huge problem with it because they're insecure about how they will measure up to such an important event for you. It can be a huge issue for many guys, and that doesn't mean the guy is horrible. That's not to say go out and screw some random guy just to get it over with. You need to focus on finding a building a relationship with a guy who will understand, not judge, and be willing to be there for you when you're feeling vulnerable because of lack of experience. I'll tell you what I did. I was a virgin at 20 and my first bf was 31 at the time. He was one of those that got freaked out because of his own insecurities about it. It did become a huge issue for us, even after we had sex because of the way he handled my inexperience. Instead of being there for me, or being my partner in sex and sharing his own experience, he was my critic. If you find a guy you want to have sex with, go into it with the mindset of "Look, I"m a virgin and there's nothing wrong with that. i'm open to having sex with you and I'm open to learning from you. I need your support and patience and love." and don't settle or make excuses for him if he isn't providing that. Remember, virginity is a GIFT that you give someone, they should be grateful, and if they aren't it's their problem, not yours. Losing your virginity is an important event, but it's not the be all and end all. If you can find a man who can handle the situation correctly and respectfully, it is an important, but relatively small event. If the person you care for can't handle it appropriately, it can become a huge issue and ruin a relationship. That's not to say they're the wrong person for you, they're just not ready for sex with you. Note that a virgin can be ready to have sex and the non virgin partner can not be ready to have sex with a virgin.
You'reasian Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I had a strict religious upbringing, and remained a virgin through school and college, as I was living at home, and even though I was never much of a believer, more so as I grew older, I didn't sleep with anyone because I felt guilty and also because I would have had to deal with nasty comments from my friends who are quite religious. I always believed that it's fine to have sex in a committed relationship. I used to date guys who were religious to avoid problems though. But now I'm in a different city, working, but at 25 I feel scared to get close to to guys when I am dating, because I'm worried they will get freaked out and run for the hills. I am willing to have sex in a relationship, but don't have any experience. Would that scare guys away? So...any advice? As a guy who has experience and has been in a few relationships, I would say that being a virgin is not a bad thing. If my girlfriend was a virgin, I would understand it would take her a while to get adjusted but that's okay - because I am dating my girlfriend for whom she is as a person. My question to a virgin girlfriend would be if she's okay that I'm not a virgin. I tend not to bring up ex-es unless asked - because this relationship would be about me and my girlfriend at the time. Is that helpful?
Ronni_W Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 at 25 I feel scared to get close to to guys when I am dating, ... I am willing to have sex in a relationship, but don't have any experience. Melly, Usually fears of sexual inadequacy are much more traumatic for those feel that way about themselves, than for lovers and potential lovers. One way to boost your own confidence is to increase your knowledge of basic sexual techniques, positions, etc. When you know that you know how to pleasure a guy, that is 90% of the battle already won. (To put your mind at ease, none of the following is porn-related.) sexuality.org is a good site. 'The Art of Sexual Ecstasy' by Margo Anand. 'The Joy of Sex' is tried but true. Tantric workshops are good to get in touch/comfortable with one's sensuality, but more about processes than specific sex techniques (at least, in my experience.) I did a workshop with Rebecca "Dr. Date" Rosenblat, and can recommend her books. Not sure if she has a site -- you may have to google 'dr. date'. Tell you the truth, though, men are, and possibly always will be, MUCH more anxious about their own sexual prowess and ability to please a woman -- they're plagued by size and 'staying power' issues. So, keep that in mind...no matter how many sexual partners your future will have had, he is STILL gonna appreciate YOUR reassurance. And he is gonna enjoy that you've mastered some pleasurable techniques, too!
RichGuy Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 well said, MN randomguy! I wouldn't mind de-flowering you I'd like to say that not only would I NOT run to the hills, I'd be running towards the OP. Let me be your first, and I'll donate a generous six-digit figure to your favorite charity... 25 is young!!!
39388 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Would almost 35 (male) and being a virgin be a problem? I can't imagine people would have issues with a 25 year old virgin, but I am afraid almost 35 may be a big red flag.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 as a 25 yr old who lost my virginity this time last year.......................melly, don't worry. i spent so much time worrying about it. to the extent that i never dated guys, because i was so worried about what it would mean, worrying that someone would find me unacceptable because i wouldn't be able to provide what they wanted straight away. i'm not a one night stand person obviously. that seems to be what so much of the dating scene is like where i'm from and i knew i didn't want that. i met a guy through friends and we hit it off straight away (we're now finished just two months, but that's beside the point). he had a good few partners before me, and i thought he'd be shocked when he found out i had none. but he was fine with it. there were problems a while later before we slept together, mostly i think because friends were putting pressure on him. but we talked about it. and i'm so glad i was with someone i cared about and who cared for me too. it wasn't the most amazing thing in the world by far................but i have no regrets. i was just so glad to be with him. for me, first time................the earth doesn't move...............it was more like, hmmmmmmmmmmm is that it?!!! don't build up expectations!!!! it's not good at first!!! but try not to worry, because there truly is no point. the right person is not going to let the fact that you're a virgin worry them. it will be something different and special that you have to offer, and they will appreciate that. and i think that a lot of guys like knowing they're the only person you've been with...............ego boost and all that!!!
Author melly18 Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 Jeez..religion meses everyone up doesn't it. You say you had feelings of guilt ? is this a catholic religion ? Anyway, don't panic too much. Most guys wouldn't have a problem with you being a virgin at 25, many would like it for lots of different reasons. Put all thought of religion out of your head, sex and religion really don't go well together. When you find the right bloke you'll know, it will just happen. You are right, your friends are NOT. Sex in a loving relationship is good. yeah, catholic. I felt guilty about feeling more open to it and not wanting to wait for marriage.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Melly - I grew up very religious as well - was engaged at 18, because we both believed you waited for marriage (he was 21) - he died during the engagement. I then spent several of the worse years of my life, no need to detail - bottom line is I didn't date. I woke up at 25, a virgin, and began dating. I totally understand your concern. It bothered me more than it bothered the guys, and finally I realized it was just something I had to get rid of (my virginity that is) - and as I suspected, it was no big deal. Just be honest with whomever you end up choosing to be the first - so that he will know of your inexperience, and help teach/guide you - but really there's not much to it. Good luck (and keep in mind it gets better with practice and age). :bunny:
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