EmperorR Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 And I hate it. Anytime I see happy couples I cringe, I went to the movies last night saw couples cuddling and I got angry. Went to the mall today walked past the jewellery store and I got sad. A co worker got engaged today and everyone was congratulating him on popping the question, and on my break just talking to my friend and said his fiancé will probably cheat on him. I don't know why my mind is thinking these things. Heck my friend got dumped by his gf of three years and it made me feel good in a sick twisted way. I don't know what's up with me this week just constant bad day after bad day, argh.
Geishawhelk Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Then if you don't want to be like this - Don't be like this. It's your choice. Really, it is. you can change the way you think. I've done it, and it works. Carl Jung said: "The Past is OVER. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past." If you can't forgive her, forgive yourself for permitting yourself to get so low. Recognise the pattern, and start changing it. Listen at night, (subliminally) to those CDs you can buy that help you tap into your excellent potential. it works. "By all means call on God - but at least row AWAY from the rocks".
Adamagnet Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Heck my friend got dumped by his gf of three years and it made me feel good in a sick twisted way. Then all you've got to do is cruise the infidelity part of this forum and you should be feeling like a million bucks!
Surfer Dude Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Ah bro, don't go there. I know how easy it is to become cynical and bitter after experiencing betrayal and abandonment. In fact, those traits often develop as a self defense mechanism to prevent future disappointments. But you can stop that from developing further. Also, feeling envious of other couples is kinda normal. But I'm actually happy for couples when I see them, I know that what they have is precious and I'm glad at least someone can experience good things. @Geisha: Are you talking about mediation CDs? Can you recommend any? @Adamagnet: Actually, reading those divorce threads ruins my mood and I nearly always experience a setback. I advise refraining from reading those threads if your intention is to heal.
Geishawhelk Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 'Mindfulness for Beginners', by Jon Kabat-Zinn. 'Learn How to Think Positively' by Glenn Harrold 'Meditations for Manifesting' By Dr. wayne Dyer. All very good, no matter what your 'spiritual' persuasion. Or even if you don't even have one. Hope this helps.
Adamagnet Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 @Adamagnet: Actually, reading those divorce threads ruins my mood and I nearly always experience a setback. I advise refraining from reading those threads if your intention is to heal. You're right, I wasn't trying on others' shoes when making that statement. If the subject matter hits to close to home it will probably just open up the original wound.
Author EmperorR Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Then all you've got to do is cruise the infidelity part of this forum and you should be feeling like a million bucks! i already do Even more crappy news today, the one girl that I told I kind of liked her asked her out on a date and planned to visit her next week, I got a text from her but it was for someone else, her close guy "friend" she says. I now feel like sh*t all over again, maybe it is just her close friend, so was the herb my ex ran off with. dammit:(
openbook08 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 ive been to the bitter stage too it will pass i went on hols this summer to turkey, one day we went on 'jeep safari' except the only thing safari about it was the jeep!! anyway it ended up bein a huge day long open road open country...waterfight!! (seriously youtube it!!), this was not long after the break up...well i tortured these 2 couples all day long everytime i so much as got a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of their jeep i was all jack bauer on their ass!! soaked them at every opportunity! we're talking pouring 5litre bottles water over them for no reason. except they were happy couples in love on holidays. and i wasnt. bitter pill, table for one!! maybe you should go on jeep safari it will pass though dont worry in the meantime dont lose sight of yourself always put no. 1 first! and as for the new girl... well i got a bit giddy over a guy i met last night :o:o:o:o:o:o:o anyway my friend had to remind me that this is new to me & to go easy on myself. it happens. some you click with some you dont some it works out with some it dont!! so not to get your hopes up too high, too soon!
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Sometimes I look at couples and wonder what the heck they are doing together. I was in line at the Grocery store the other day and there was a couple behind me. The entire time all she did was bitch at him "when are you getting that haircut- it's too long, did you just check out that girl..." etc, etc, just beating him down with her bitching. He just stood silent with his head down. He was pretty attractive- and she was average- but all I could think about was "why am I single if a nasty girl like that lands a boyfriend". I think it's natural to be bitter for a time after a break up. You can either deal with it and shake it off... or carry it with you for life. I know people that have grown old with their bitterness. It's a horrible and lonley way to spend your life.
Just_dealin_with_it Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 'Mindfulness for Beginners', by Jon Kabat-Zinn. 'Learn How to Think Positively' by Glenn Harrold 'Meditations for Manifesting' By Dr. wayne Dyer. All very good, no matter what your 'spiritual' persuasion. Or even if you don't even have one. Hope this helps. Great advice! I'm just now getting into meditation, from the little experience I have, I am familiar with Dr. Wayne Dyer and John Kabat-Zinn. They're both great. Dr. Dyer has plenty of books out, not just on meditation, but on how to change the way you think (as geishawhelk eluded to). I have found him very helpful in dealing with hard-times and breakups. How you think has everything to do with how you perceive yourself and your life. I too would recommend these guys to anyone. P.S. Geisha... I'm going to check out Glenn Harrold upon your suggestion!
Author EmperorR Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Today I found out my sister is pregnant Im happy or her and her husband but then I got so jealous yes of my own sister:(
lovestruck818 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Emperor- I am feeling the same exact way. Everyone around me is coupled up. 3 of my friends just had babies. My younger sister is in a long-term relationship and she will probably marry the guy. It makes me extremly bitter and jealous. I hate being like this but I feel I more than anyone deserve love and no matter what I do, I can't find it.
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 EmperoR, don't be.... morning sickness, stretch marks, oedema... believe me, being pregnant is not all it's cut out to be. You don't want to go there.
PinkToes Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah, like Geisha said -- there's a flip side to everything. I think you know deep down that you'll be happily in love again someday, and that the bitterness will pass. But for right now, maybe look for the stuff that you don't want to be part of: the middle-aged couples who have nothing to talk about; the really young couple with the baby who both look like they'd rather be anywhere else. Also things are not always as they seem. I remember being in a difficult relationship once that looked perfectly happy on the outside. But then I was envious of the single people I saw out enjoying themselves! I wouln't recommend focusing on the bad stuff for very long, but when you feel stuck in bitterness, sometimes a little time spent looking for the relationships & situations that you'd rather not be part of can help get your feet back under you.
heartbroken55 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah, like Geisha said -- there's a flip side to everything. I think you know deep down that you'll be happily in love again someday, and that the bitterness will pass. But for right now, maybe look for the stuff that you don't want to be part of: the middle-aged couples who have nothing to talk about; the really young couple with the baby who both look like they'd rather be anywhere else. Also things are not always as they seem. I remember being in a difficult relationship once that looked perfectly happy on the outside. But then I was envious of the single people I saw out enjoying themselves! I wouln't recommend focusing on the bad stuff for very long, but when you feel stuck in bitterness, sometimes a little time spent looking for the relationships & situations that you'd rather not be part of can help get your feet back under you. You make a great point PinkToes! I was envious of the single people around me who do whatever they want and they all seem so happy. Now that I'm single I'm all bitter at all the people that are in relationships. What's my problem... I need to find that person in me that wanted to be single so I can be happy again. Thanks for the great advice.
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I hate to get all pseudo-spiritual, but may I say there's an awful lot to be said for just standing still for a moment, deep breathing and "being exactly where you are in this moment". Stop your Mind from chattering and feeding you lines. Our minds are never quiet, and how many of us have ever wanted to just get it to - "*aaaaargh!!*" - shut up just for a second, and stop this endless babble and prevent it from going roundandroundandroundandround the same bloody thing overandoverandoverandover again......?!?! It can be done. I promise you please believe me it CAN be done. try this as an exercise. Just stop whatever you're doing, at any given point in the day (safely!) and take a deep breath. Just focus on that deep breath. look at what your mind is doing. Remember your last thought. Now, suddenly, clap your hands. What was your mind doing in that second? Nothing. In that instant, your mind emptied of thought, because you were distracted. find that gap between the thoughts. And stay there. As a dog behaviourist, I have to be alert to what the dog is doing. If anyone ever watches Cesar Millan, you'll know he's constantly talking about "libbin' in de mowment".... But he's right. Because unless you're here, you're not living. How can you be 'living' anywhere else BUT here? Physically, perhaps, we always are. But mentally? Hah!! In our minds, we're constantly elsewhere. last year, last month, this morning when she texted, tomorrow when we're going to inevitably see him..... There's your "*aaaaargh!!*" right there. Bring mind AND body back to the same place, together. so breathe, centre and clap. It's simple. But it's a start.
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