teejsd2008 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Looking back at 2008, I felt that whole year just went right down the toilet due to my battle with depression which was triggered over the breakup I had in Jan 08 (she dumped me). Mid-way through the year of NC, my ex hacked my email read all my coping emails/chats to friends where I talked a lot **** about her to vent. She was pissed, so she broke NC and lured me into a trap to get revenge for talking about her. She made it seem like a friendly, "I miss you let's catch up" communication, I took the bait and she attacked me emotionally and threw a flurry of comments that I never wanted to hear and sent me pictures I never wanted to see. I was crushed, up to that moment and the many months of NC, I was always hoping for another chance to reconcile, and she baited me into trap. Throughout 2nd half of the year I was even more depressed. I would have a spell of depression with fits of anger and helpless irrational thoughts: "How could she do this? Why!? Why!? Why did I talk to my friends about her? I'm such an idiot, Why didn't I change my password, No, wait she's wrong ,she violated my privacy, I miss her, I love her, I hate her, I hope she fails in life and love, I want her back I hope she's ok, I hope she contacts me, I'm such a loser I need her!!!" These thoughts plagued me everyday. I'm the kind of person that wants help right away when it comes to emotional pain and I wanted to escape, so I read books, articles, listened to talk radio, COMPLETLEY DELETED my ex from my life, where she was only present in my mind, and STUCK to NC by avoiding her like a snitch in the witness protection program (privacy settings, blocking, changed #s, limited facebook access with mutual friends), I vented to all my friends, family, co-workers, strangers, LS members, journaled, worked out, trained in MMA, started surfing, snowboarding, video games, started going to church, praying, trying things I've never done before, watched sunsets, had 8 sessions with an EAP counselor from work, went clubbing every week (this wasn't a bright idea and made me feel more empty), tried to hook up with any girl who hinted interest (another bad idea). Don't try to find love when you're still hurt, you will only attract other broken people and repeat the cycle. I then followed up with a psychologist (after careful scouting) who I see once a week, and finally I started taking Wellbutrin in Dec 08. There is light at the end of the tunnel!!! I finally feel peace, and all of the above helped (except for clubs/girls). Keeping busy, coping with friends/activities/therapy, and taking medicine really picked me up and out of my slump. With therapy you learn to challenge your thinking and reframe things rationally. I wasn’t a big fan of pills, but I eventually said F*** it, this is science, get over the stupid social stigma because this stuff can really help, and I want my life back. Also it can be genetic sometimes; some of our brains are wired to shutdown after loss/trauma and need a jump start. Now I feel back to my old normal self, in control of my life, and I'm optimistic. I have good days, neutral ones, and some sad ones, but it's sadness that's normal like if didn't get a promotion, or I let down a friend, etc… I don't obsess and have anxiety over irrational thoughts, and when the ex pops in my head, it does not have the same power or effect at all. She's in there for a few seconds and I'm like "ehhh, that's old news whatever" and go about my business as usual. The frequency of thinking about her decreased to 2-3 instances a day as opposed to the half/whole day, and it will fade even more just as previous exes. I wanted to post this to share my story and not just fade from this forum when I got better. You can and will get better!
lofi_tokyo Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks! I love hearing success stories about people who gradually get over their ex and are happy now.
forte Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I then followed up with a psychologist (after careful scouting) who I see once a week, and finally I started taking Wellbutrin in Dec 08. Good to hear you're feeling better. Did you have some srsly realistic f'd up dreams on Wellbutrin? I started taking it after my divorce and the dreams were insane. Like Alligators n *****, haha.
Just_dealin_with_it Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Glad your feeling better! Nice to see you took up so many new hobbies too. Probably all stuff you would not have done if you were still with your ex. I too am feeling more at peace with the end of my last relationship about 5 months ago. Nice to see people moving on and feeling better 'round here!
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