hopefulInFuture Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 It was a kind of a pull and push situation after a while since I confronted my boyfriend about his lies... I knew he lied cause I had evidence in my hands but he never admited lying to me. It was not about other women. It still hurts. I could not understand why he would lie to me. About 2 weeks ago I told him that considering that his actions did not convey to me that he truly loved me, I was letting him go. And that from now on he would have no contact from me until he would realize what he wanted in life. To this message I got a reply: "What does this mean? if it's not you, who is it that I love? How do you know that I don't love you?" This was a type of response that made me think even more that he just did not really love me. So I repeated to him: "I don't know who you love but considering that you don't know that either, you have all the time you need to understand this." this was our last text message to which he never replied. I went on with my life. I love this guy, but if this guy has to lie to me, often does not have time for me and so on, heck, I deserve better. The thing that I don't understand is that ever since this last text message, he's been coming online to gtalk. He always used it to talk ONLY with me. He knows I use it and I know he comes there to see if I am there. But I don't get it: why does he come there and stay mute? Anyway, to make the story short, after I saw him coming online to my chat for a couple of days without talking to me.. yet staying there for hours exactly when I am logged in, I asked him plain out: I know you're coming here because I am here but I don't understand why you don't talk if you are here for me. He replied: Yes, I am here for you... because I want to know if you are doing fine. I would have written to you if you had not... I just don't get his response. How does he think he would know I am doing fine or whatever is up to me by just being in the same chat with me. Just by being there all the time I am there yet not saying anything. So, I just don't know what he wants... I for sure know that I don't want a person that I need to beg to talk to me. So, I stopped initiating the conversation with him. And he continues like this: hanging on mute... Until today... I can't handle him online in my chat the whole time I am there... Therefore, I just kept myself off the chat the whole day. When I got back home I logged in for several minutes. He logged in just for a minute (I am sure to see if I was there) and then left the chat. I really don't understand what he wants. I would have prefered that he had a more mature talk with me. I would have preferred him telling me what he wants really. I would have handled fine any type of response. But I am no longer in the mood to ask... I already asked too often. Well, the thing is that I am moving on. I am trying all the best I can trying to make my life fun. I am doing even things I always wanted to do and never did: taking ice skating lessons, have been going to lots of movies lately (although alone but that's fine cause I need a lot of time alone to think). I have been travelling a lot visiting a whole bunch of different cities... I am coming to terms with the end of this situation. Heck, I still love this guy, but I am unable to understand him. I want to live my life passionately, do so many things, I am a loving and caring person, I give a lot, but I really can't handle unclear situations and lies... Sometimes I think if I could live with him for ever and I know I love him for all those beautiful qualities that he's got... but I could not handle other lies... I can't handle other silences... I am one of those people who want to talk things out, who want to show emotions, who want to live life to the fullest without fears, without lies, without excuses... Life can be a beautiful thing and I love it... I think I will still love him... but I will no longer hurt about him one day... I wish him all the best and all the happiness in his life...
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