DomenicWolfe Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 We lived together for two years. Things started going down when she started college and kept her job. She assured me things would get better when she didn't have all the stress. We were like little love birds our first year together so it was hard. I decided that she was the one for me so I delt with her not paying much attention to me. But I started doing things on my own because she was always too busy for me. Then the sex started drying up. I started getting depressed and played with coke here and there and it ended up becoming a real problem. I was hiding it of course. I was scared and felt neglected but I wanted to tough through the hard times just so I could have the great ones back. Well needless to say our relationship came to an end 3 days after christmas. She moved out and it really broke my heart. She hugged me and I kissed her lips and she cried uncontrollably. She came to the house for some extra things she left and dropped off mine new years day and again the hugs and kisses and uncontrollably crying. She kept the key to the house, and it's still on her chain. A few days ago I came out and told her that the past 6 months when our relationship was really getting hard I became addicted and I asked her to take me to the hospital at first she was very concerned. Then she took it horribly. she said she never wanted to see me again or talk to me. Well she still answers my texts and calls. Not as often as I would like, but. I told her that I know I took her for granted because I didn't know what to do, I've never been in a relationship like this before. I held on because she promised things would get better, and I love her soo much. I ask her if she missed me last night and she had the pause and a ehhh attitude but I know it was the yes I do. She was at the bar the same night I was and I asked someone to play a song for her and I left. She got pissed and said to me well if you were here why didn't you say something to me. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT..... Did you leave me or didn't you. Do you love me or don't you. What is going on here people I can't even think to type this crap.... I've got sooo much confusion... She allows me to whine and tell her I should have done this and baby I'm gonna do that type of deal. But I also tell her I'm happy and ok with myself now. I'm clean now. I gave it up cold turkey. It ruined my life. And I truly mean what I tell her. I mean it's kinda manipulative but it's true. I don't know what to say what to do. You don't know what u had until it's gone. Now I know how to treat her and be there and she seems to listen a little. What do I do? sorry this paragraph sucks.
wmast Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Hey bro, I feel your pain. My advice is simple. Clear your mind, prep yourself to talk to her. When you feel ready, call her and say, "I love you, I want to be with you. But I also respect your decision. If you want me let me know, if not I'll have to say goodbye". And that's it. Don't call/ text, email, etc. Just work on getting your life in order. If she comes back, great. If not atleast you'll be on the path of being a better you. Good luck bro!
Benique Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 hey bro, i feel your pain. My advice is simple. Clear your mind, prep yourself to talk to her. When you feel ready, call her and say, "i love you, i want to be with you. But i also respect your decision. If you want me let me know, if not i'll have to say goodbye". And that's it. Don't call/ text, email, etc. Just work on getting your life in order. If she comes back, great. If not atleast you'll be on the path of being a better you. Good luck bro! the best advice
BobrigoSanchez Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 No! Here's the deal: You were so hurt by this breakup, that you were able to kick the habit cold-turkey. Good for you! But, we cannot tell how this relationship fell apart. I can however tell you that there are three points of view to a break-up. How you see it; How she sees it; and what really happened. You might've started drugs because she was pulling away or vice-versa. She didn't know of your habit, but trust me, she notices behavior change. One thing you need to realize from now on is that once her interest level goes down (she's too busy for you) do not fool yourself into thinking that you can have her that way on the side. The R is crumbling. When magic starts to fade quickly, both of you are in serious trouble. Begging and crying is natural for the first week. Please don't make it two. You'll realize in a very short time, that you wished you would've never begged and cried at all. You cannot "wait a couple of days, get your act together, call her and say 'I love you'" This wont work. Why? Because she wont believe a damn thing you say, she's already moving on AND she's not going to risk you not being truthful anyway. Understand this: just because there is contact between you two, does not mean that she hasn't or will not move on. Just look at Wmast's posts and you'll see that women who dump, almost all do it in the same way. They string the guys along for a little bit, and if the guy allows himself to be strung along, WOMEN WILL PULL THIS GAME FOR MONTHS OR YEARS UNTIL THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SETTLE WITH! It is natural. It's happened to me and hundreds of other people here! The best you can do man, is get a HEALTHY social life going and move on. Because, once you fix yourself to where you don't need another person to provide you validation, you can then CLEARLY tackle the subject of getting back together when SHE CALLS. Because she will only call you with serious feelings ONLY once you've let the relationship go. You have to truly let it go though. The relationship will finally die when you let go of it, and then BOOM she'll feel that it is truly over and she will contact you. This doesnt mean that there is a legitimate chance of getting back together,even though she might believe and tell you there is. This just means that, since you keep contacting her, telling her "I now know what to do to make you happy", "I will forever regret what I did", "Take me back, I love you" etc... you're giving her all the validation she needs. You're actually helping her move along because you're providing her with a security blanket. She's scoping out life with reassurances that there is someone still obsessed or pining over her. Bro, she's got all the leverage. Despite mistakes you made, she has made some also. You need to forgive yourself and move on. Because moving on is what she's doing. On another note, I bet her communication was ****ty, you can fault her for that. You will learn from this only if you go through the heartache. If you f-up, and she takes you back willy-nilly, you won't learn. But thats beside the point, because she doesnt want back in. You are feeding off of the little contact between you two that YOU are causing (you are texting and calling, she EVENTUALLY contacts you). Trust me, it is an exact science. You do not gain any ground by trying to pound it into her that you've changed and you were at fault for everything. This displays neediness, insecurity and spinelessness! Not a good woman out there is going to find these traits attractive, I'm telling you. Again, you made mistakes, but communication was BOTH of your faults, in addition to other things SHE mightve done. Man, I've been there and so have many others. You need to get your man back on. You'll feel better, and when she starts contacting you (but dont count on it 100%, only 95%), you'll have leverage that will allow you to think clearly (unless you're that hard-headed). Why do you think all of these woman seem to be level-headed all the while guys are crying and begging for them back? LEVERAGE! They dont have to even try because we put ourselves out there to be manipulated and strung along.
heggs Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Man im feeling your pain!, if you needa talk im here for you bro. God be with you.
BobrigoSanchez Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Let me add: ..POWER, baby, POWER! You need to get your power back, and you'll once again see the silver-lining. What you're going through is terribly painful (just went through it myself 30 days ago) but the difference is, I found out what needed to be done to make my life better and now I can share it with you. I'm still dealing with her "Let's be friends" and "Theres a chance" BS. My jaw dropped when three weeks ago I was told "Do not contact her, move on, etc...." I did not think it would possibly work. Sure enough, she was practically begging me back after three weeks of breakup, but I was armed with all the info I needed to see through what this was. I had let the relationship go, and once it died, she freaked and tried to get back. But at this point I realized, hey, it's not meant to be. But I was only able to do that once I got my man on, and got leverage and power.
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