Me and my GF cheated on eachother, but we are still together.

[Zack]

Ok, here is the story (and I'll try to make it short)

 

 

I am in Love with this girl.... (yada yada yada)

 

I met this girl 8 months ago in San Francisco, I love in Los Angelos and Phoenix. Two weeks into the realtionship i said I Love You to her and she didnt say it back until a week later. She explained to me she couldnt say it because it would be her first time she ever said it to a boyfriend. This was in February.

 

I never took the realtionship seriously in the beginning because I was a college strudent living away from my hometown (LA) in Phoenix. I slept with two girls in March of 2003 and never told her anything about it. After March I slapt some sense into myself and ralized she was to be the one for me.

 

Around April of 2003 I saw when I saw her I was with a friend of mine (distant friend) and that was when things started deteriorating. We would talk online all the time (everyday) and I began to treat her real bad. I used to talk to her for at least one hour every night and it started depleting because I would go to sleep on her.

 

I wasn't able to see her at all for 4 months after April because of school and work. She talked to a lot of other people online which, in particular, was this guy who met her through me in April. She began to talk to him and she always told me she would talk to him and told me it was always about me and his girlfriend. In June he broke up with his girlfriend and friends say he broke up so he could be with my girlfriend (no one ever told me this until she told me after she cheated on me.)

 

I saw her in Mid August because she drove down with her family to go to Disneyland (she skipped Disneyland and spent the day with me.) In early August my girlfriend and this guy only talked online and it wasn't anything I should be suspicious about. After I saw her around mid August i began to really treat her bad over the phone because I was acting real distant and would drink, smoke and go to parties without telling her.

 

One day in late August she went out with her friend and her boyfriend and they brought him(the guy she talked to a lot online) along, coincidentally. She told her friend that she was going to drink because I do it every weekend without telling her. The four went out and she got real drunk and kissed him, twice. Thier was no tongue and no touching (I asked both him and her on the details), but she said that in the car ride home she was rubbing his hands and he did it back to her. She then threw up at the end of the night, but was comforted by the 3 other people in the car.

 

The next day they she was at the pool with her friend and her boyfriend and they asked why she kissed the guy. She told them "I feel like I am married and I wanted to have fun." An hour later she callled me and told me that she got drunk last night and kissed him. She said she was very sorry and she feels like a Tramp. I broke up with her for "at most about 2 hours" then called her back and cried. I called everyone who was thier and got the whole story.

 

A week later i took a road trip to go see her for only a few hours. We had a wonderful time and we made love for the first time (it was her first time ever.) After the road trip I still would bring up what she did every day to her over the phone. I would not let her hear the end of it until I realized one day that the reason I would rub in her face what she did is because I was mad at myself for cheating on her without telling her in March. I told her what I did and she took it real well. Afterwards that night (Last Week) she told me that the night she cheated on me she kissed the guy twice, and the nights before when I would fall asleep on her or get mad at her for no reason she would think about the other guy and fantasize about kissing him. She than told me that her feelings for that guy was Puppy Love and that she wishes the night never happened and that he would vanish from the world. She also said she wishes she could kill him (strong words, but she was in the moment.) She said that even though I cheated on her 6 months ago with 2 women (having intercourse) and never told her till now she was still going to be with me for the rest of my life. She now brings up what I did to her regularly and rubs it in my face an than I bring up what she did to me afterwards. We dont necessarily get in a fight because we still say we love eachother and it only takes each of us 5 minutes to get how we feel out of our system.

 

It has been an 8 month relationship, I cheated on her 1 month into the relationship by having sex twice and never telling her until 6 months later. She cheated on me by kissing an other guy twice and telling me the next day. I know I am more at fault, but I was wondering If this relationship is still going to work because she has stopped talking to almost every friend of hers for fear she thinks that I think she likes one of them (which I know she doesnt.)

 

My gut feeling is that me and her are too good to be true and our Love is so strong that even our sinful pasts can't break us apart. I know I won't ever cheat on her again and Im 100% sure she wont ever cheat on me again, but I still would like some feedback. Im sorry it is so long! Thanks, Zack.

 

PS- Is their any way or method in which I can get her cheating on me out of my head? I cheated on her with two girls I never saw again the next day because I was at a fraternity party. She talked to this guy and had feelings for him for a month. I was wondering how I can get this "brick" off my head.

[jalexy]

i didnt read your post, but geez, why dont you just move on?

[Goatsbreath]

Hmm, Im not sure this will help but one of your biggest obstacles is going to be the distance and any other 4 month intervals you might find in your realationship. Anyway, as for your question. If you both are serious about your realationship you need to define it as such and stop rubbing in those past experiences into each others face. You need to both openly admit to a ugly past but then be willing to put that behind you and move forward. There has to be some agreement between the two of you. Perhaps a cleansing of some sort that establishes the new begging and washes away the sins from the past. I dont know, be creative!

[kspring]

what a long post. It seems to me like you both are 2 children trying to have an adult relationship. All that cheating stuff is ridiculous.

[HokeyReligions]

If you can't let go the memory of her kissing another, then let her go. Your so-called relationship isn't. Part as friends, experience life a little (both of you) and if you meet up again someday you can try for a mature relationship.

[zaid_oc]

Thanks guys. I used some of that advice and it seems to be working out because we don't rub anything in eachother's faces no more. Plus, it seems to brought us closer together and we are both working twice as hard to try to see eachother more and communicate better.

Thanx

[Vash's_girl]

thats just wrong that you two cheated on each other...you should break it up before someone really gets hurt

[DJ-TK]

I'm kinda late for an advice for you but I believe you two did the right thing... I don't think you shouldv'e break up cos for me, it seems like at the begining you just played games, but now ready for a serious relationship...

It seems you are getting along well and love each other and that is the most important part... I'm glad you don't rub stuff in each others face...

Good luck dudes !

[javachik]

"Two weeks into the realtionship i said I Love You to her ...

 

I never took the realtionship seriously in the beginning because I was a college strudent living away from my hometown (LA) in Phoenix."

 

 

When I read those two sentences, I could tell you were confused about what "love" actually means. In the future, you may want to refrain from telling someone you love them while you're "not taking the relationship seriously."

 

Geez.

[UCFKevin]

And who says long distance relationships don't work?

 

Oh wait...