symphonic Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Hello, everyone. I'm new here, but please bear with me. So, I'm twenty years old. I have met a lot of lovely people at work recently, people which I would like to stay in contact with when I am laid off. One of which is a gentleman in his mid to late thirties. I've been acquainted with him for a few months at work now, as we met mutually through someone else. Now, I really rather like him. Perhaps even romantically. Though, this age thing is just too much for me to consider it as a possibility. If he were younger or I was older, I'd be all into that, but alas... this is not the case. Well, I do like him as a friend though, if absolutely nothing else. Is that weird? I think he's a lovely person that I would just like to know in some form on a friendly level. I feel like this is almost not possible given our genders and ages, though. For whatever reason. I just feel it's frowned upon and almost... somehow, dirty? Ugh. Anyway, so I initiated the offer to stay in contact with him the other day. I offered him my e-mail address, 'cause I thought that would be a good way to do it. Not too personal, but leaving room for whatever. Like friends. Well, he informed me that he didn't have e-mail and offered his phone number. I politely accepted and then he asked if could "get" mine. I complied, as it just came natural. So, then he tells me that his phone's off, but it will be back on in so and so days and that I should definitely give him a call and we'll "catch a movie or something, just as friends." Which is fine. He then goes on about how a lot of women would be creeped out by his giving them his number and that most women would think he wanted to "get in their pants or something". He says "No, not now. I mean, maybe later, but...". He continues to tell me that he actually has a pretty serious medical condition (not contagious or anything) that he's going to be in the hospital soon to endure treatments for. We talk a bit more and he says that "It's good to have a friend" and I agree, to which he says "You picked a good one. These are the kind of places I like to go." (he points to forest photography on the wall) and continues "I'm that kind of person. I'll take you places like that, if you'll let me.". I muddled my way through that and he says "I'll miss your smile." Anyway, so end of that story. Then yesterday at work, I feel a gentle touch to my upper back and see him emerge from behind me with a note, which he carefully places down and genuinely smiles at me (I was on the phone, couldn't talk). I smiled back, he exits. I read the note and it says "Would you like to get together some time this next week?"... "Keep on smiling..." and a PS that includes that his phone is back on... "Call me please!". Sooo... I feel really kind of guilty. I feel like I've flirted with him, even without really thinking it through and that he is now interested and it can't go anywhere... but I cannot tell him that. I feel awful. I didn't mean to lead him on. I genuinely like the guy, even romantically, but only want him as a friend. I really, in the core of my being feel that he has romantic interests. I feel even worse now after he's told me that he's sick and asked me pray for him and just... ugh. I feel like he's moving way too fast by asking to "get together" and if we did, I would not want it to be taken as a "date". Truth be told, though, I don't even really want to get together just because I feel it's awkward considering our ages. Was it unrealistic and stupid to even think that that could work? As solely friends? God. Basically, I just want to know how I can let him know that I'm not into the romantic side of it... subtly. And how do I pursue the friend side of it, slowly? If it all? Am I being ridiculous to even think he's dropping hints to romance? Anything would help. I'm so lost and remorseful.
runner Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 he doesn't have email ?? does he live in some 1979 bubble
Geishawhelk Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 My aunt and uncle were 17 years apart and had 4 children. My parents are 11 years apart, and 3 kids and 55 years later, all still good. Your hang up about the age difference is just that. Your hang up. If you don't want to get romantically involved with him because of a broader incompatibility, that's one thing. But if age is your only issue, it's a feeble one.
Miss Ting Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Ok, we're missing some vital information here. How old are you? Is the age difference REALLY that astronmical that you think it's ridiculous for you to be togehter? I don't see what the problem is in all honesty. If he's good enough for you to like romantically, I don't see what the problem would be in dating him. Unless you're underaged and he's a very old man, I think you're potentially just closing the door on something that could be good (you just never know). Put your inhibitions aside girl! I can't tell you how many people I know who are happily married, with children, forEVER (my parents included), with age difference of 8 or more years!
Geishawhelk Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 She said: She's 20, he's mid/late 30's. Mountain out of a molehill, this age thing.
Miss Ting Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 She said: She's 20, he's mid/late 30's. Mountain out of a molehill, this age thing. Agreed. :confused:
O'Malley Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I don't think the age difference can always be overlooked. There is a great deal of life experience between a twenty year old and a man in his mid-thirties. What's important is that you feel the qualities he has and the interests you share overwhelm any reservations you have. If you truly feel you can't handle the age differential, you should let him know that you were only seeking friendship with him. Being 'busy' or avoiding him will just confuse and hurt him more and you may have to accept that he's not interested in friendship when he obviously wanted more. Neither you nor your coworker were deliberately misleading; it just sounds like you both misread each other's intent.
Rebellious Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 My last 2 girlfriends were 18 and 20 years younger. Really, age is never the cause of failed relationships... and most people never find true love, so if you can have IT for even 10 years you're way ahead..
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