Lizazil Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 My boyfriend is 31 and I'm 26. We have been together for a year now and living together for half a year. We have had our fair share of arguments and fights (even a couple of breakups) over the year, but overall, we have been a very happy couple. Before me, he was married to a woman he had dated 8 years prior. His ex divorced with him about 3 years ago. Their marriage didn't last very long even though they had been together for so long before marriage. I moved in with him about half a year ago. When I first moved in his apartment, he was letting me use his laptop since I couldn't use mine. One day I casually looked at his computer history, then I found that he googled his ex, searched her trace at various websites. I was really hurt then, but I didn't want him to think I was sneaking out, so I didn't mention about his history but casually asked him if he fully got over his ex already. He said it took me a lot of time to get over her, but he now got over her. I didn't understand why he wanted to google his ex so badly if he completely got over her, but since he said he got over her, I chose to believe him and I never checked the history since. About a week ago, my laptop crashed. So I used his computer 3 days ago, then I found out from the history that he looked her up in the facebook. The last time I found out that he googled his ex was 6 months ago, and since then another 6 months had passed and I have thought he truly loved me. I was really hurt because I felt like as if he was cheating on me emotionally. I got paranoid and checked his computer everyday until today. I found out that he looked at her profile on the facebook everyday for the last 3 days. I asked him yesterday about her ex, he just said negative things about her. I couldn't dare to ask him if he's got over her again. I can understand one could have emotional baggage from the past relationships, but I find it very difficult to deal with his ex-wife problem. I don't wanna go home to him. Being with him makes me depressed. I wish I could just break up and move on. But I love him dearly. He's the nicest man I've ever been in the relationship with. It's very difficult to discuss this matter with him as I looked at the history behind his back. Should I leave him? Or should I give him more time? Is there a room for understanding his behavior? Your advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you,
AlektraClementine Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 no one ever "casually" looks at their partner's internet history. I'm not judging you\. I've done it too. But if everything else in the relationship is good, you are going to have to trust him that he loves you now. The internet is a very voyeuristic environment these days. I look up exes and old friends all the time. It has nothing to do with missing them or wanting them back. It's just out of sheer curiosity. You have to stop spying on him immediately. This may be hard for you to swallow but IMO you are the one hurting your relationship right now. Not him. You're doing things that are resulting in hard feelings for your boyfriend. Until he out and out cheats on you (cheating always gets found out), let it go.
melodymatters Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I agree with the above poter. I am happily married, in love with my H, and completely over any ex's. BUT, I am a curious person. In both cases, I was the one who left, but I still want to know how they're doing, what they're doing etc. Some of their friends were my friends, one is in the same business I am and I want to see how he's doing in these hard time. Things like that. I have no love feelings, just curiousity, perhaps that is the case with your BF ?
2sure Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I am happily married, and no real feelings for anyone I have known except fo rmy husband. I google people all the time, people I havent seen in years, people I cant stand, people I'd like to know more about out. Sometimes Im just curious what they are up to or how they have made out. If I see a facebook and it seems like they are interesting, I check it once in awhile even if I dont want to contact them for conversation. He is probably just curious. Doesnt mean he loves her.
Lishy Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I would ask to use his pc again when he is there and sya you accidently clicked the history tab and just ask him about it! It wont seem so imposing and you may get your answers I must say that I have looked at ex's Facebook and been totally over them! Sometime it is just nosiness! If you have a good then then be careful how you handle this, but definatley think of a way to talk to him about it Good luck
sarayanna Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I have to weigh in and agree with the posters above. I google my exes all the time. I would never want to be with any of them in a million years. The internet makes it possible for the naturally curious. If other things seem to be going well in the relationship, chalk it up to natural curiosity. Much like you had natural curiosity about what your BF is up to.
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 To be checking her profile 3 days in a row isn't cool though! It doesn't mean he still loves her, but as a gf, knowing that would make me a little messy. It's a catch 22 situation here... You can't confront him because he'll know you checked, yet you can't be happy with the notion he is doing this. Let's be realistic- now that you know about it, it will be almost impossible to let it slide! Even if everyone you talk to tells you it doesn't mean anything- it means something to you. I don't know how I'd suggest confronting him, but I think it will come out somehow. He's going to notice you are bothered- that's hard to hide from someone you love. Do you want to confront him? Can you let it slide and forget about it? My guess it that you won't be able to. Hey, it would bother me too. It doesn't mean he's not over her, but I understand why it would hurt you.
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