Roxy24 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 After someone cheats on you... how do you erase the memory? I'm back with the man who cheated on me several times but I can't seem to get it out of my head! It's beyond ridiculous! I wish I didn't know what the woman looked like because that is what makes it worse. I really want to get this out of my mind. It's unhealthy. It's consuming my mind and I want it to disappear. I just want some input on how to make those unhealthy thoughts fade away for good.
MalachiX Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Why are you back with this guy if he cheated in you? Honestly, I don't know if you can get it out of your head and that's why I don't believe in a relationship continueing after infidelity. I once had a girlfriend say something that horrified me. She said something along the lines of, "if you did cheat on me, I wouldn't want to know about it." I asked her how she could say that and she replied, "I couldn't deal with knowing you cheated on me." I told her, "I wouldn't cheat on you because I couldn't deal with knowing I cheated on you. I couldn't be in a relationship knowing I'd betrayed you like that." She got very quiet and then wanted to change the subject (I wonder if she really thought I had cheated on her because this came up a few times before we eventually broke up). I think about that conversation to this day and still feel the same way. I couldn't be with someone knowing I'd cheated on them. Maybe if they'd dumped me immediatly afterwards and then we'd spent years apart and then started a new relationship anew it might be possible but even then hard. I still don't know if I could live with myself. It's the same way I've told every person I've dated, "I'd rather you beak-up with me than cheat on me. If you have to call me on the phone and dump me before you sleep with another guy then just do that. Just don't EVER put me in a position where I'm walking around, thinking you love me, when you're actually with someone else." Maybe you can't get it out of your head because you shouldn't be with this guy after what he did to you. I know that's probably not the answer you wanted to hear.
EmperorR Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 It doesn't get out of your head for a long while. Every single day I still think of how I was deceived and betrayed. Those thoughts are getting less and less eveyy day though, I just keep tellig myself it wasn't me it was her, and I'm better than that. Being cheated on is the worst thing that can happen to you in a relationship, although I wanted my ex back at one point I knew it would not work, even now if I see her picture or think about her I just imagine her screwing some herb she just met. And it jus makes me sick, how I allowedd her to kiss me that last time.
LiveandLearn Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I don't know if you'll ever be able to completely "erase the memory" of him cheating on you. The fact is that he did, and on more than one occasion, apparently. If he's done it over and over again, what makes you think this time will be any different? Has he shown you any changes or commitments? Also, it's not all up to YOU to "forget" what happened. HE also has to do everything in his power to make it up to you; to show you he has changed and that he wants to be with you and ONLY you. He has to earn that trust back from you. Just saying that he "won't cheat on you anymore" or that "it won't happen again" isn't enough, because apparently his words can't be trusted. I remember when my stbxh and I decided to TRY to make it work. He had said to me that he didn't want me to "hold it against him" for the rest of his life in order for us to move pass this. I agreed, to an extent, that we can't dwell on what happened if we want to move pass it. But he was just inconsiderate and expected me to be able to "just get over it" like that. Every now and then I would still be bummed about it and get depressed, then he'll say sh*t like "Why are you still dwelling on it? How are we suppose to get pass this if you do? I'm here with you aren't I? ". I didn't CHOOSE to dwell on it. I was just still hurt by it and was still in the grieving process. He just wasn't as understanding as one would hope. And it's not like he did anything to go out of his way to HELP me "forget" about it. So, my advice to you is to take care of yourself. To the best of your ability, try to think about your situation, your relationship with this man. Does he really have YOUR best interest at heart? What are your reasons for taking him back (over and over again)? Are they for the RIGHT reasons? Or you just don't want to be or are scared of being alone? Is it the familiarity? Ask yourself these kinds of questions. Best of luck to you and I hope you do what's right for YOU.
Recommended Posts