My girlfriend is dating another guy behind my back. I feel so shocked.

[mate_you_in_fifty]

I can't even comprehend what she's doing,it hurt me so much. And I can't even do anything about it,because the way I found it out was not a very honest one. But surely if weighed on a scale,it's clear which is worse.

 

I knew her email password,and because she had cheated on me twice in the past (long story),I get these terrible urges to check her email once a month and see if she's doing it again. Like the forbidden fruit I guess,I discovered her very recent emails to one of her (girl)friends,talking about the date she had had a few days ago and how much she enjoyed it. She said she hadn't had sex,but she had "fun" with him,he was a "great,sweet guy" and he invited her to school prom. (she's a HS senior and I'm a college freshman,so our circle of friends are totally different).

 

I know that some people may not understand what I'm going to say. The thing is,both of us have fastidiously against been dancing or kissing with people of the opposite sex,except our relatives. Or at least,she claimed it. I don't understand how she's changed now.

 

Why is she doing this? And why does she always hide these things from me? She knows I would be hurt if I find out. Does it mean she loves me? If she loves me,why does she want to date another man?

When we talk,she is always loving. Either she's a superb actress,or she truly loves me but is not at all happy with me. What am I doing wrong?

 

I won't be seeing her till Monday,so I have two days to decide whether or not to confront her. And if I do confront her,I'll have to mention I read her emails. The previous two times it happened,she ended up kissing the other guy and a few days later coming and confessing,apologising and crying and promising never to do it again. (this is the first time I found out on my own and she doesn't seem to regret doing it).

 

I dread the thought of facing her another day and acting like everything's okay. She betrayed me. It hurts so much.

I'm going to go mad. I wrote a poem and left it in my college music room. I wonder how many people have read it. I went for a walk at two in the morning hoping someone would kill me,but this campus is too safe. I can't stay in my room anymore. My parents live far away,and I don't have anyone to talk to. My girlfriend used to be my best riend (MY perception anyway) and I always looked forward to being with her. Not anymore. I really wish I was dead. I doubt she would care,though that's not the point. I can't handle this emptiness anymore.

Please forgive me for this long post. If you are still here reading it,thank you for listening.

 

And worst of all,it's not like there are other fish in the sea. Putting aside her tendency to cheat,I really thought she was perfect. Both of us don't use substances,are vegetarian,and are virgins too. The odds of meeting another girl like that is slim. (BTW,when I use the word 'cheating',I refer to any kind of romantic encounter with someone else).

 

Both of us have social anxiety. But while mine has been getting worse,hers has been getting better because she's been opening up to people and talking to them. Unfortunately,that has gone a bit too far. I can't take this anymore. I can't ever trust her or be genuinely hapyp with her,but I would be a wreck if I totally lost her. Please help me. Even if you don't have any advice,please talk to me.

 

I feel both hurt and horribly jealous,thinking of how my girlfriend had dinner and watched movies with this guy,all without telling me,with romantic intentions in mind,and during the time WE were supposed to get together and hang out. She gave me a flimsy excuse why she didn't meet me,which prompted me to check her email. How can I not feel jealous?

I wish I could jump into the river but I don't have the physical courage to do that. And yet I hate the thought of struggling through life now,attending classes and working. Love was such a strong incentive for me to work hard,now there is none.

[Ryan]

she had cheated on me twice in the past

 

Why is she doing this?

 

Because she cheats. You know this.

 

One strike should have been out. You need to walk away and take some time to figure out why you chose to be with and STAY with someone who is unfaithful.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

bro i really hate to say this.but you'll have to forget about her.she's cheated on you twice (if i got it correct)shes gonna keep doing it.she possibly doesnt love you.YOU shouldnt be so hard on your self,why hope for death when theres tomorrow to be fulfilled.oh and im just wondering how could she cheat on you if youre both virgins.is it emotional.

[mate_you_in_fifty]

Hey,thanks for both your replies...

and you're right,it was emotional cheating and a bit of kissing and stuff like that. And I think that's just as bad as sexual cheating...

And guess what happened? I talked to the 'other guy' and he was very apologetic and said he would never have dated her if he knew she had a boyfriend. She began asking to hang around with him a lot...and he broke up with her because she was pushing things too fast,and then she began crying a lot (I didn't know,he told me). It looks like she led us both on...

 

I know the sensible thing for ME is to break up with her. Obviously she has issues,but I feel so bad for her. I don't want her ending up becoming a ho or being date-raped by yet another guy or something like that. She's good at school,she's nice to animals....I really can't make up my mind whether she's a good or bad person. I love her...and I don't know what to do.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

LOVE is such a powerful poison.it blinds you from whats @ hand,you're thinking right ,it might be hurtful,but its best you let her be.

she (from what i could tell ) might be good person and being human people tend to make mistakes .

[Ryan]

Her emotional stability is not your responsibility.

If she has issues (and she surely does), then she needs to address them through reliable means. You are not her fixer.