melissa123 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Ok so I have two questions. My first one is about facebook. I havent been on it since I split with my ex just under two months ago! Im starting to miss seeing what my friends are up to and so many new people have added me and I kind of want to go back on. BUT Im not over my ex and hes friends with all my frineds so I know Id see everything, I also will see all his updates etc (like realtionship status) His new gf is also on my facebook friend list so i'll see all hers to! I knw im not over him and seeing pictures of them together will ruin me. Even small things like their display pictures will hurt. I dont want to look bitter and delete them both so what do I do? Is there anyway I can block their updates or something? Or should I just stay away from facebook until im ready? Second question: Does NC make you loook like your bitter and not over them? I was just having a think today and watching some friends who recently broke up. These friends were still talking like normal and I thought it was really mature of them to put their differences aside and do so. Also having been on the dumper end before I have so much respect for people who remain friends and dont get all bitter and refuse to talk. Im just wondering what your thoughts are on this? I feel like I look bitter and angry for doing NC. I feel like I look like im not over it and thats why im not talking? What do you think? My ex made a comment once long ago where we bumped into my first ex bf. My first ex bf and I didnt not speak or even look at one another. My ex told me I was being immature and said to atleast talk! So what do you guys think? Im not going to break nc and talk to him, infact he seems to be doing nc to and hasn't spoke to me since we split, not that he would care as he has a new gf! Anyway those are my two questions! Thanks in advance for answering!!!!!!!
confused_2008 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Well, you can choose to put less about them on your news feed. You do that by clicking on the little pencil or whatever that shows up when you mouse over something about him, then put less about his name. Or, there's like a news feed option area on the bottom that you can click on and put his name into. I tried it and stuff still keeps popping up but maybe if you have a lot of friends it is effective. If that doesn't work you need to defriend him and his new gf. As for no contact, if he is mature, he will realize why you are doing it. You ask if it makes you look like you aren't over it so that's why you're not talking, but isn't that the point of no contact? It actually preserves your dignity if it keeps you from begging or what not. As for talking to an ex, what's wrong with at least being civil? That's better than ignoring the guy completely. Unless of course he did something terrible to you.
openbook08 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 hiya melissa! you know my feelings on Facebook - stay away!!!! for now...
durotto Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Hi Melissa, I advise that you stay away from FB for now .. both my ex and her new bf are there and I constantly keep on going there and checking their profiles .. then even if nothing is there I think that maybe there are stuff but they hide it ... like messages to each other ... .. I am crazy I know ... but I am getting all these weird ideas in my head .. I guess that you should just avoid it for now .. until you are stronger to handle it .. Same for NC .. until he calls you don;t call him ... besides he seems to have moved on . found someone new .. do you seriously want to be a backup to the new girl .. I mean when he chooses sth .. he will choose his gf .. not you . .. and that will be something you will not be able to accept .. so just walk away and stick to NC ..
XuserX Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 you can block him under privacy settings, that way you won't see anything that has to do with his account, who posts on it, or what he posts.
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Melissa I would STRONGLY recommend that you delete them from your contact list. I really don't see why you would stop yourself from doing that? WHO CARES what they think WHO CARES if they think you are bitter? You cannot change what they think they could think what they want that is their problem, you have to do what is best for you and what is best for you is to have them away from your profile so that you can go back to living your full life facebook and all. This way you are letting them rule your happiness. What is way worse is having them think you can actually still see eveything they do, I wouldn't want an ex to think I am sill looking at his profile/life after I move on, I tend to close the chapter and I want nothing to do with their life or them knowing about mine. If you delete them it shows you are moving on. Having them know you are absolutely NOT interested in knowing what is going on with them is a much stronger message than worrying about them thinking you are bitter. Of course you are bitter we all are when we break up, it's natural.
Author melissa123 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys! Guess I'll just have to stay away for now! Which sucks as im intereted in what all my friends are doing etc. But like I said almost all my friends are friends with him so I will see everything I also dont want him seeing my 'single' status. Right now it says 'in a relationship' as i havent been on since we broke up! So maybe he thinks im with someone else! And I dont want to delete him after 2 months as it will look stupid, and I will look like im not over him 2 months later!!! I duno anything I can do? Or just stay away? And I wont be contacting him anytime soon, so dont worry about that!!!
BCCA Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I deleted my ex of my FB minutes after she dumped me, and will never speak another word to her ever again. Does that mean I'm bitter? Toward her, perhaps, but Im not a bitter person. I just dont need something rubbed in my face that hurts, and I fail to see the value in being friends with someone who dumped me when I wanted to stay together. Mature or not, its all about whats good for me. Just be careful youre not talking yourself into a friendship because thats all he has to offer. Sure, I would be civil if I saw my ex, but I wouldnt stop and chat. There is a big difference between being friends and being civil. And chances are, this 'friendship' your ex seeks is more of a "so you dont hate me right? good" and then youll never hear from him or very spuratically. And you answered your own question anyway Im not over my ex and then... I feel like I look like im not over it and thats why im not talking?
IcemanJB Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Melissa, I swear you're my twin sister or something. I also haven't been on Facebook for about 2 months (actually I deactivated mine because she openly admitted she was "kinda" stalking mine before I went NC with her...), for all the reasons you listed. My ex isn't seeing anyone, but thought of seeing her relationship status change would tear me apart. I also miss posting my smart-ass comments on friends' walls, them doing the same, funny pictures, etc...but the pain of seeing any update from my ex (or our mutual friends!) will drive me insane. I'm missing Facebook less and less, and at this point I don't ever plan on reactivating mine - even when I'm totally over my ex. I wouldn't want to delete her off my list either because even though she really hurt me, I believe she truly has some issues to work out and would not have broken it off with me if that weren't the case. Plus even if I did delete her off my list, there's still our mutual friends... As for the NC, way to go. I'm on day 55 myself. So what if you're not over him and he knows it? This is about healing YOU. The last thing my ex said to me after I told her to leave me alone was she wasn't over it either - chances are, your ex might not be totally over it. There is nothing that says you HAVE to talk to your ex ever again. If they hurt you, why talk to them?
Leroy_Down Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I finally deleted my ex's facebook account. It was hard to do, because it was like a drug, but the last straw was when they blocked me from seeing their new photos. That hurt, and i blocked them that day. It was the best thing i ever did and would recommend it to everyone, no matter what they think.
Frankasy Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Facebook is stupid but it sometimes puts you into these types of dilemmas, seeing new updates, wondering why someone hasn't added you as a friend etc. Seriously don't let it get to you, in fact try to use Facebook in your advantage, put new updates, even if some might not be true just to get other people to wonder/suffer.
Riffmeister General Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I have a love-hate relationship with it. With her not on it, I can use it as a lifeline to my friends who have been really supportive. But I hate getting those reminders every so often from old pics with her comments on them. Difficult to stay strong when you feel so weak.
Frankasy Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I have a love-hate relationship with it. With her not on it, I can use it as a lifeline to my friends who have been really supportive. But I hate getting those reminders every so often from old pics with her comments on them. Difficult to stay strong when you feel so weak. True. Exactly my situation. It's very hard, sometimes I wanna contact her but on the last moment I back off.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I just deleted my Facebook account for my own good, to minimise the chances of me going off NC, which I'm starting after her 'official' good-bye visit tomorrow. Same with deleting my ex's number from my phone, its SIM and removable memory card. I love her dearly, but I have to stop torturing myself. But FB was the worst, cos I'd have hundreds of photos of her staring at me with the look I fell in love with, every time I log on.
Silverthorn1973 Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 On a slightly un-related note, but still about Facebook; am I ever happy I killed my account, no matter the reason. I just feel like I've quit smoking, that's how bad the Facebook habit actually is. Now if only I could actually quit smoking ...
Sexy Kitty Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I finally deleted my ex off my facebook. We have been broken up almost 2 months and I didnt see a reason to keep him on there anymore. It took me awhile to do it though. He actually contacted me and said I was making a mistake doing it. I don't see why since it's not like hes making any effort to be friends or anything. I just dont want to see everything about him and any new relationships he enters into. Would hurt too much. I think you can adjust the settings so it only shows updates for certain friends etc...Maybe look into doing that if you dont want to delete him or just deactivate your account for now. If you leave your status as saying in a relationship still he will think your in a new one. I would change it to single or just leave that option blank.
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