Its been a long road!

[sarasmile07]

I think this might be a good place to post this, if not feel free to move it to where it needs to be! But I am hoping someone here can give me some keen advice on what to do, because I am so confused and have been for a while!

 

My name is Sara, and I am 22. My story begins back in Kindergarten, there was a guy and his name is Chandon, We were best friends, and cared about each other very much. When we were about 7-8, he moved away! No warning or anything, I was devastated. I never stopped thinking about him though, and everyday I wondered where he was and what had happened to him, etc..

 

Lets move forward to about 6 or 7 years later, we were both 14, and I found him again, by accident at a bowling alley one night, I was so excited and we hugged and hugged and laughed and talked, and had a blast, and then he had to leave and of course, dumb me did not get his number, address or anything.

Good bye Chandon, for another 4 years!

By mere coincidence, we found each other once again, by a mutual friend, we did not even know we shared!

At this point in time we were both 18. That night when him (and our mutual friend) came to my house, my heart was jumping up and down and I couldn't control myself! I was sooo happy! We immediatly threw our arms around each other and hugged and shared a small kiss, it was the most fantastic moment of my life! Over the next 2 months, we got really close, calling each other all the time, going out late at night for food, and just sharing jokes, and stories, just being 18 and sharing a friendship renewd. But then, something awful happened!

I was trying to get ahold of him one day, I called for hours, no response.

Later that night me and group of my friends, went to the pool hall, get some laughs, shoot a game or 2 and then leave. Well wouldn't you know it, guess who else was at the pool hall, yup you guessed it, Chandon! It was cool at first, and I was about to go over and talk to him, when out of nowhere, some blonde bimbo, came over and sat on his lap! It took everything I had not to beat the buffy in her face! and slap him around a bit too!

I preceded to leave, only to run into them again in the parking lot, making out, and all that fun stuff. Once again took everything I had not to start a riot!

I cussed him out as I was leaving, called his phone, cussed him out again, texted him, cussing him out...yea I did alot of cussing!

After about a week of not hearing a word from him. My phone rang and it was his # I was hesitant to answer it, but was glad I did! It was his brother, HIS BROTHER! He was actually man enough to call me and ask me if I was ok, and if I needed someone to talk to, and we talked for about 20-30 mins. i couldn't tell you now what was said, but he def. made my night and made me feel a whole lot better! Me and Chandon never spoke again after that night!

 

Now here I am another 4 years later, and I am in a pickle! I had been looking for him for a while, something kept telling me to find him again, like I couldn't let him just be a memory! So after months of looking, I had a hunch to try one more time on myspace, and so i did, and wouldn't you know it, there he was! I sent him a message, a few messages actually and got no reply! and then I got soft and threw on the charm, and he bit! He wrote me back and all that! But after a while my heart got the best of me! After all these years! I am still in love with him! How could this be! After the way he treated me and all the mean and hateful things, and how he played me for a fool, why and how could I feel any emotion towards this guy! But i do, all it took was for me to look at his picture and I was head over heals all over again!

 

Here is my dilema! I am in a relationship and have been for almost 4 years! I have an almost 3 year old daughter, but I am not happy, nor have I been happy for about 2 years now!

Chandon just got out of a relationship, and has an (i think) 9-10month old daughter.

I told him about how I felt, I basically poured my heart and soul out in an e-mail, and he was stunned and speechless, but told me, he wasn't looking for a relationship and probably wouldn't be for a while, but he did want to be my friend again!

My heart is tearing me in two. I love him, and even though I know what happened between us, I can't make myself hate him, and I want to be with him more then anything, even though I know he only wants to be friends!

So what should I do, considering I am in a relationship (that I am not happy in)? Should I break it off, get a place of my own and hope for the best, or just accept the fact that he only wants to be friends, and beat myself up for the rest of my life, probably being with someone I don't really wanna be with, just because I didn't wanna push Chandon away from me again, by being to pushy or clingy!

Sorry if this is confusing...but it really is!

If anyone could help I would really appreciate it!

Thanks everyone!

[wmast]

Very interesting story. My advice is this:

 

Whether Chandon is or isn't in the picture, you need to address your unhappiness with your current partner. IF you already have or IF you feel the relationship is not worth it (also keep in mind you have a child with him too), then you need to do what's best and leave. BUT if you find that you're only unhappy because you think about Chandon or because you're considering a future with Chandon, then I'd say that you're doing wrong and you're banking on something that isn't guaranteed.

Are you and Chandon meant to be? Maybe! But then again maybe not.

Again, very interesting story.

I wish you luck!

[BobrigoSanchez]

Not confusing at all. From what you have given us, you are obsessed with Chandon. You and Chandon never had anything serious between the two of you. Why even bother telling us how you felt about this guy when you where in Kindergarten and Junior High? Wait a second, you saw him only ONCE when you were 14!

 

It is ridiculous that you attached some type of romantic value to Chandon just because you were best friends when you were 8, he moved away, and you bumped into him again one night at a bowling alley when you were 14. And then, you meet up with Chandon when you're 18, go out on a couple of dates (natural) but flip out in a parking lot when you realize he was seeing other ppl. Why? He has every right to see other people and shy away from your obsessiveness, especially since you never pointed out any type of commitment between the two of you.

 

Do you think he was leading you on? NO WAY! We can all tell that you made more of what you and Chandon had than what was actually there. Why do we know this? Because you somehow believe that you're soulmates because you've known eachother since you were 7. Because you think that the excitement of reuniting with someone after years is love-chemistry. Because you feel like bombarding him with unsolicited myspace messages is a sign of affection, and when you finally send one that he replies to, you say he "bit", and not consider that he was just being polite or possibly looking to start something CASUAL with you (finally).

 

Look, you and Chandon had nothing. You need to let go of your obsession, but by the looks of it, I'm just pointing things out. You need real help or a kick in the head.

 

Check this out, I'm all for leaving dysfunctional relationships, but I swear, if you didn't give the current guy a chance because you're heart and soul belonged to someone who has NEVER seriously loved you, you're in for a world of hurt and dissapointment. You think if you leave your household, Chandons moving right in? Forget it. If you leave, cool. But you leave because you're ready to start your own life. Not try to make your fantasy into reality. F' Chandon.

 

I'm seriously surprised that with what you've disclosed here, you think that you may have made some right decisions regarding your interactions with Chandon. I can only imagine all the other shi'ite that you haven't told us happened.

[D-Lish]

I have to agree with the above poster- this is an obsession, it never was a romantic relationship.

 

You have to let go of the notion that this dude from Kindergarten is meant to be your soul mate.

 

From your post, it seems he viewed the two of you as friends.

 

Just the fact that he was surprised by your e-mail proves he hasn't been thinking about you in the same way you have been thinking about him all these years.

[saturnsfall]

You have two very separate issues here. You need to separate your situation with Chandon and your home life.

 

You and Chandon seemed to creep into one anothers lives. Life works in mysterious ways, but you did not have a relationship with him. I have people I was once very good friends with who I wonder about and will probably always wonder about. But I can tell you this, when people are unhappy with their current situations, they typically lean on others for happiness. I think this may be what you're doing with Chandon; which doesn't allow you to think of him clearly. He told you he doesn't want a relationship, I think it's in your best interest to stop speaking with him. He was a negative part of your life in the past, caused you pain, don't go down this road again.

 

As for your current situation, do not, and I mean do not leave where you are currently because you think you and Chandon may be together one day. If Chandon ever wants to be with you, he knows how you feel, and he'll be at your door with roses. The worst thing you can do is jeopardize what you have currently, for something that could happen in your future. If you are ever confronted with the choice, make it, but don't make it before the choice is even presented.

 

It sounds like you have a lot at home. Is this something you can really just turn and walk away from? What you're discussing doing would take a lot from a person and there are many people involved, this is not only you. This is about your family now. This is something you seriously need to consider.