Ezekiel1337 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Listen to this crap. She broke up with me almost a month ago. We got back together the next day and tried to fix it, and i broke up with her a week later because of how much she lied. She lied about where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, when she would be home. When we broke up, 2 weeks ago, i couldnt help but contact her with texts. She only answered 1/8th of them. She is going to parties every night and never tells me who shes with. She even ends up sleeping at these places 4 out of 7 nights a week. Well, we ended up talking about 6 days ago saying we would try our relationship in a month. I asked her to not get into any relationships or have any sex in that month, and when the month came around we would figure out where to go from there. She was reluctant to agree but did. I knew that she didnt want to, so i kind of gave up that night. I was extremly depressed, but as the days started going by i was getting angrier at her. Well, a good friend of mine who happened to be my first girlfriend who happens to have gotten out of a relationship last month is now taking me out everywhere. We went on two road trips together, we've been talking ALL day long. Shes great. But i dont want a relationship, at least i dont think i do, and she said she didnt either. She is clearly attracted to me. Im not trying to be arogant either, she really is. I can tell by the way she tells me different things. Anyways, my ex knew her. They went to school together, and had a class together. Well this girl knew my ex to. My ex didnt like this girl, her name is xena, lets make this easier for me, otherwise you'll be getting lost in her and she's. Well my ex hated xena for no good reason. Just because she was my first girlfriend and was insecure. Well, throughout my relationship with my ex, xena has been keeping intermitten contact with me. As soon as she found out i broke up with my ex, she jumped at asking me out to places. She's never done this before, since i first knew her 9 years ago. Yes, ive known her for 9 years. See how ridiculous that is of my ex, i went out with her when i was a baby almost. Anyways, i had stopped contact with my ex for the last few days, and yesterday she contacts me through text randomly. Well, i happen to be out of town with xena when this happens. She asks what im doing. And i say im out of town with a friend. Here is where the BS comes in, now she goes into selfish biatch mode. Who am i with, is it a girl, did i spend the night with her. And i refused to answer any of it. She gets mad. I tell her, dude you are out every night with people i dont know, you left me for some guy you knew for two weeks and still havnt told me who it was, you have lied to me for a month straight now, more so than you have in the 3 1/2 years we have been together, and you're mad at ME?! She is actually mad that i am with this girl. THEN SHE IS THE ONE WHO THROWS THE PROMISE WE MADE BACK AT ME! She was the one who told me to move on and that she was probably going to meet someone within the month. It seems like she wants to go out and do what she wants, but she wants to keep me where i am just in case it doesnt work out for her. Ive said this before, but there is very few guys who will treat her like i did, and i dont know if that is why xena has been waiting for a chance to take me out. But my ex is trying to control who im with while we are broken up, a break up she wanted... because she needed to be single. I told her i would keep my promise and not get into a relationship with anyone or have sex. The difference is i have not lied to her, she has lied incessantly to me. I dont even now if being the stand up guy i am is worth it when she is lying like this. She has treated me like sh*t for a month now, and im supposed to b*tch down to her when she doesnt like how it feels when i do the same thing shes doing to me? But here is my predicament, now that she is sniffing around, she wants to meet tonight to get some cofee. Matter of fact in an hour im leaving to the coffee shop. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Xena is attracted to me, and really enjoys my company... but not like a friend. She says i make her happier than she has ever been. That she hasnt smiled like i make her smile in years. She told me that she has watched my ex and me during our relationship and knew my ex fairly well. She says that she wishes that the only problem she had in a relationship was a few borning months. She says that my ex will regret leaving me later, but that i shouldnt fall for her game and get back with her. We litterally have the exact same interest. The thing is... as cool as she is... and as awesome of a time that weve had (i dont know if shes been trying to have sex with me, but she keeps brining sex up with me) i dont think im capable of a relationship, much less love. I am still in love with my ex, even though she treats me like this. IM trying to hate her to let go, but i am worried my ex is going to try to pretend to come back to try to keep me from being happy with someone other than her. She is a snake like that. At least now she is, she was never like this before, but all the different things shes done to me, all the manipulation that has happened within the last month... leads me to understand her new personality. I am very analytical, she thought i was stalking her just because i figured she wasnt staying at her house for the better part of the weak. Thats because i know her... anyways, i can see her plans unfolding. What do i do.
WiseOne1 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Dude follow my advice, the advice of a LS legend. Your still in love with your ex gf, which is understandable, but you have the chance to date this new girl...I would take the new girl, I would date around but nothing serious, because your not ready for anything serious. Also your ex will cause issues if you had a new relationship because she's going to want to come back just because you have someone new, so then again that's not going to work. Get used to it, all ex's are like that, its like a push and pull game, the more you get closes to moving on, the more closer there gonna come!! Whatever you do don't let this new fling with the new girl go to waste, because your ex has plenty more of game playing left and likely won't be finish anytime soon.
diskey23 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 i wish i could add something but wiseone1 kinda summed it up. i will say i think ive been in a very similiar situation before. i actually dated someone new & as soon as my ex got sick of her fling she was knockin down my door. well i broke up my gf to back with my ex, it lasted 2 years before it went into the crapper. not tryin to pass too much judgement, but it sounds like you both have some growin' up to do. sounds like too much of game, ya know?... ive been there though...
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Wise1, you are right on. Well, she didnt show up anyways, so had enough reason to tell her to go to hell. I then figured out she has been doing exactly what i thought. She is jealous, and she doesnt want me to be with her. Anyways, she thought i was bluffing when i was mad and telling her how much shes hurt me and that im tired of suffering. So she kept on being a bitch. So then, she ended up telling me ok then lets never get back together. I said fine, there are people lining up for your spot. She told me that people were dying to take her to dinner. I dont care.. at least tried not to. 4 hours later, she realized i wasn't bluffing and told me she was sorry and that we should talk tommorow. Yes diskey23, we both have a lot of growing up to do. But if you were to see all my old posts, youd understand that she is light years behind me. But i do admit, i need some room to grow. I feel, that we COULD get back together later in life. But not now, that we need to realize if we are what we want. I know i did everything for her, i mean a 75% me effort, 25% her effort. But i still loved her. She is going to realize very soon (my therapists has had meetings with both of us and agrees with this, actually he said this) that very soon, she will realize that no on wants to put as much effort into her as i did. She has to many problems, and us guys hate problems. So, at some point, she will scratch at the door. But for right now, im going to tell this girl who is litterally head over heals for me that im done with her for good. Shes been telling me to do this for a while.
WiseOne1 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Let us know how it turns out with the new girl, but have you thought about what would happen if you and the new gf started dating, and then your ex came back, woudl you leave the new girl for the ex?
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Let us know how it turns out with the new girl, but have you thought about what would happen if you and the new gf started dating, and then your ex came back, woudl you leave the new girl for the ex? Here is what im starting to realize. Im now in a really difficult place. This girl and me have LITERALLY every same interest. Philosophy, metaphysics, conscienciology, buddhism, art, conspiracy sh*t... the list goes on. ON the road trips we've taken, we didnt have more than 5 minutes of no speaking. And it was more of a comfortable silence than a dont know wtf to talk about thing. The thing about her is that she has been with a lot more guys. My ex has been with me, and like 1 other guy. I dont know about now, we had an agreement to wait a month before we moved on relationship and sex - wise. Now, here is where i need to make a choice. This ex of mine is going to want to come back, i can see that now. I mean we talked last night, and she wants to talk tonight. When i told her "It's obvious your not comming back, but its like you want me to stay here just in case your plan doesnt work out because no one treats you right. You are out every night, obviously with not just girls. When i decide to do the same thing, you disaprove while were broken up? You have made it clear you dont want to come back. So, i moved on like you told me you wanted me to. YOu told me plan for the worst hope for the best. The worst is that your not comming back, so im planning for it. The best is that you come back... you have given no sign that you want to come back, im the only one texting you gnight and stupid sh*t like that, and good luck at work today, to which you reply a smart ass kthnxbye. (not literally but about that.) What am i supposed to think? And NOW.. NOW you care? NOW that im with someone that you know likes me? To which she replied: "Dont say im never coming back, i want to come back. You know i need space. I know i shouldn't have been bothered by Xena, but for some reason i just wanted to know. I do still love you, and i do want to come back, I just need space." To which i said: "I know you need space god damn it. And i was giving it to you, by not contacting you for 3 days. You broke it and probed who i was with. And you ARE going to be bothered by me being with someone else, just like im BOTHERED that you left me the first time because some other dude made you "happy" and which to THIS DAY i dont know who he is. But you made me tell you who i was with. Anyways, she realized where i was going with this. She acted like she was never going to talk to me. I was ok with that, this new girl really likes me. And i have fun with her, she is outgoing. But... that night, she text and said she was sorry for getting mad, and i being a dumb ass said sorry to. And we told eachother we loved eachother, and the whole circus. And, we someone ended up agreeing that we were gunu talk today at 7 or 8 with no bailing out on eachother.... wtf.... im so lost. I dont want to break this new girls heart, she is really sweet, and she seems to look up to me... a lot. She loves how my family works. She likes that my family all contemplate philosophy and the future, and art. I think she wishes she had what I have with my family, because her dad died when we first went out 9 years ago. She is an arts major, im a medical major. She is really inteligent, but not book smart. I have way better grades, i have to medical school. I have a feeling she feels she is with someone that thinks like her and also has a future. She did give me a good massage, and she did a very sensual massage... so i can tell where this is going. What if this ex of mine comes back. I wouldnt doubt how much i would want to get back with her, because of 3.5 years. But, i dont want to break the new girls heart.. she is so nice and is actually intelectual. SOmething new, just... shes been with a lot of guys. I dont like that.
Geishawhelk Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 OK. Get over it, she's so on the same page as you with everything else. if you ascribe to Buddhism, you don't know what you were in a previous life, and you don't know what she was either. but you're both in this life, together and enjoying the experience. Let it go. The number of guys doesn't matter. It doesn't change who she is. It doesn't change who you are. It's the present moment that counts. if you cannot find Loving kindness and compassion for her, and release the suffering of dwelling on her past, you do neither her nor you any favours. As for your ex - per-lease! She's an addiction. She is so not good for you as it seems is still intent on controlling you and manipulating you. You absolutely have to go no contact. It's the only fair thing to do. For all three of you. Remember the 5 precepts: Remember the Eightfold Path. Star walking.
WiseOne1 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I see what your saying man, you defintely don't want to hurt the new girl, by the way your female friend has the same exact name that my EX gf has, how weird???? But sadly your ex is not going to let you be happy, because everytime you become happy or near it, she's going to send out street alerts and ruin it for you, the best you can do is go nc, even though thats way hard than it sounds.
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 OK. Get over it, she's so on the same page as you with everything else. if you ascribe to Buddhism, you don't know what you were in a previous life, and you don't know what she was either. but you're both in this life, together and enjoying the experience. Let it go. The number of guys doesn't matter. It doesn't change who she is. It doesn't change who you are. It's the present moment that counts. if you cannot find Loving kindness and compassion for her, and release the suffering of dwelling on her past, you do neither her nor you any favours. As for your ex - per-lease! She's an addiction. She is so not good for you as it seems is still intent on controlling you and manipulating you. You absolutely have to go no contact. It's the only fair thing to do. For all three of you. Remember the 5 precepts: Remember the Eightfold Path. Star walking. .... wow, nice post. She and I talked to eachother today. She is being a jealous b*tch. Im making a new post about it. But thank you for your post. This new girl seems to be someone that appreciates what the kind of man i am, but at the same time, enjoys the same passions i do.
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