4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I broke up with my bf of a year, back in october. I wanted to break up face to face so, among other things, I could give him his things back (clothes he kept at my apartment for when he stayed over...old shirts mostly). He was a bit rude about it and didnt want to meet with me. Instead he bassically dragged it out of me over internet that I wanted to meet to discuss our relationship and whether we should break up. Once he dragged that out of me he said he didnt want to meet that night, so I asked him when could we meet up so that we could finish the conversation he said there was nothing else to talk about. SO anyway, I still kept his things in case he wanted it back, but then in December I started dating someone else and I felt that having other men's clothes laying around in my apartment wasnt appropiate. I was also not about to contact my ex since he hadnt made a peep since our "break up". I figured we would never talk again so I threw the shirts away. Well, now he has been contacting me, sending me messages of how I am etc. Today he sent me a message saying he wants to exchange our stuff, and that he would be happy to mail mine. Crap... Now what...what do i tell him? "uhh sorry friend ur sh*t is in the nearest dump!" should I just not respond??? eeekkk i feel bad now that he kept my stuff and I threw his away like nothing!
starzphalling Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 just tell him the truth. tell him that you never expected to hear from him again, and didn't want to contact him out of respect to not hurt him, so you did the next logical thing and tossed his stuff.....maybe you can say gave it to like the salvation army....then he'll be all like "well i can't take it back from the hobo's"...ok scratch that. but yeah just tell him, you didn't know what to do with it and were afraid he wouldn't want to hear from you, so you were left with one option, and took it. he's lived this long without the stuff, its not gonna kill him....though he prolly will be like "hey wtf" so i hope he doesn't have anything of yours that was important lol, he might hold an "ex girlfriend bonfire"
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 He's had plenty of time to contact you and get his stuff back before now, so he can't blame you for ditching it when you did try to suggest this some time ago, and got slammed down. If he's lived without it this long, he can live without it for good. However, I hate to say it - the same goes for you and your stuff.... If it's any consolation, I lost a lot of my stuff when I split from my ex-. I'm still alive and kicking, and I haven't suffered any serious withdrawal symptoms.....
Tomatotop Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I'd say just tell him that you got rid of it, saying you donated it is a good idea as that way it won't be like you "threw it away" in anger and he'll be mad that you did that. You tried to meet up, but he wanted nothing to do with that, so you did all you could and figured you'd never see him again. You did nothing wrong. Keep the response to him short and to the point, no need to be rude, however.
Tinkerbelll Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 You say him: "uhh sorry friend ur sh*t is in the nearest dump!"
laRubiaBonita Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 do you want your stuff back? if so, i would tell him to mail your stuff and you will mail his. when he doesn't get anything...... just chock it up to lost in the mail. or if you don't care about your stuff, just tell him you got rid of it... i like the donation idea myself, sounds a bit more humanitarian.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Well i sent him an email saying that i was sorry but I didnt have his things anymore. That one of the reasons why i wanted to meet up when we broke up was to give him his stuff back. That i also kept his things til december but since i hadnt heard from him i figured he didnt care for them anymore so I threw them away (i couldnt say i would donate them because they were either very old shirts or inappropiate things to donate) I also told him he could throw my stuff away. I have a sneaking suspicion his wanting his stuff back after almost 4 months was an excuse to meet again....tough cookies man...tough flipping cookies... (Our relationship ended bassically cuz he took me for granted, when I asked him if he loved me, he said he didnt know but he knew he wasnt in love with me, he was waiting to get to know me better...after a flipping year and a half!)
Trialbyfire Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I would consider this a learning experience. Take all your stuff, every night before you go home while in a relationship, and don't lend out things that you greatly value, especially if they're irreplaceable. If not, then consider them toast. Also, the next time you have a break up, you can always drop them a note that says "I'm dropping off your things on Thursday at x:xx time, outside your door. If you're concerned about them, you might want to be home close to that time, so no one takes them". This way, you can severe the relationship cleanly.
BCCA Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 My last ex, I never asked for my stuff. I just mailed hers to her without saying a word. She had a few things of mine, which werent all that valuable, and all I got in return was the key to my apartment in an envelope. And there wasnt even a return address lol The one before that, I had tons of pictures of us, places we went, etc. I told her she had 1 week to get them. She called about 1.5 months later, and I happily let her know that she can scrape the ashes out of the BBQ if she wanted, but thats about all thats left. She was livid, but I'm not a storage center, and I didnt want them. Too bad for him. He waited too long, and you know this is only an attempt to re-establish communication.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Yea thats what Im fearing...he's been trying to go half a$$ed attempts at reconecting for the past 2 weeks...first sending me some pictures of him running a half marathon (we used to run and train together for marathons, he was much more into it than me) along with a "hope you're still running" That pissed me off. But i didnt let on..i congratulated him for his half marathon and said I was still runing. Literally a one sentence reply. Then on monday I signed onto Orkut (some sort of facebook from gmail or something), not really sure why, since i dont use that service. I just had a page a long time ago with my basic stats. Well that service tells you who and when someone looks at ur page. He had searched for me and looked at it. Yesterday I get a message from him from the site, saying hello and that he was honored to be my first "scrap" (message). I replied saying hello and that he was probably going to be the only one since i dont use that page, but that i was glad to hear he was doing well. And now this bs about his stuff..... This reeks of wanting to reconnect...I learned my lesson very well the first time we broke it off (and i am so very sorry i didnt listen to those of you lsers that told me to not go back). I am most definetly not interested, plus I am now with an amazing man that treats me like I should be treated...so whatever man... Now, should I not respond to any more of his messages? I dont really care either way....Im not bitter in any way, i understand its noone's fault if u cant love someone, so I dont mind being civil...but i dont want him to get any ideas....
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 No, please don't responsd. if he's trying to get back under your skin, that just encourages him. Any response is positive, unless it's something like: "Get the ***k out of my life, you stupid@$$ed no-good, hopeless waste of space, you loser, I hate you I hate everything about you and I never ever want to see or hear from you again! If you were the last man/woman on earth I'd rather screw a cactus!! PS, say hi to your sis for me." And it looks as if he's successfully getting under your skin. So please try to go NC and really really mean it. Shut it all off, trust me, you neither want nor need the complication, huh?
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