Zammo25 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hi I have been dumped again in a relationship of over 3 years and I am trying hard all week to keep to NC but it is killing me. I DID NOT want the relationship to end, she finished with me ( again ) and I know a lot of it is down to my inaction but I still love her deeply and miss her like HELL. I am not sleeping , eating and dumbing the pain with drink. The problem is the 2am realizatiion when the booze is wearing off and being alone and she is not in my life anymore and never will be. I have been strong so far with NC but want can I do to stop me breaking and texting ?.
LiveandLearn Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Go for a jog or do some kind of physical activity....and leave your phone at home. Or continue to post here instead
Author Zammo25 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Go for a jog or do some kind of physical activity....and leave your phone at home. Or continue to post here instead I am beating myself up going through the last days, weeks, months , years thinking but I did wrong, what I could have done or said differently to not be in this position. I feel I have messed up and laid my cards on the table ( again ) 3 days ago but she does not want to know anymore and it is killing me. I know I have to accept its over but I am finding it impossible and the urget to call is overwhelming. I am imaging her with someone else very soon and I am beating myself up and destroying myself.
You'reasian Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hi I have been dumped again in a relationship of over 3 years and I am trying hard all week to keep to NC but it is killing me. I DID NOT want the relationship to end, she finished with me ( again ) and I know a lot of it is down to my inaction but I still love her deeply and miss her like HELL. I am not sleeping , eating and dumbing the pain with drink. The problem is the 2am realizatiion when the booze is wearing off and being alone and she is not in my life anymore and never will be. I have been strong so far with NC but want can I do to stop me breaking and texting ?. Turn the phone off (you'll save money too). Watch a movie, read a book or go for a walk/jog, pick up an instrument - brainstorm/write notes about a project you are working on. Stay strong!
Author Zammo25 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Turn the phone off (you'll save money too). Watch a movie, read a book or go for a walk/jog, pick up an instrument - brainstorm/write notes about a project you are working on. Stay strong! Thank you. I am trying to be storng but am in " self destruct " mode. I am blaming myself entirely for the break up and I very confused. I did nothing wrong except not committing due to being a slow burner and it is now too late as she does not want her life with me anymore. I look back at parts of our life together and she sent me the signs numerous times and I did not act on them. Now I feel like I have let the best thing in my life slip away and am siwmming in the deep end without a life jacket. I cannot do anything at work and am in a daze with a loop in my head of our last days together and the mistakes I made. I know the booze is not the answer but it dulls the PAIN.
Author Zammo25 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 turn the phone off (you'll save money too). Watch a movie, read a book or go for a walk/jog, pick up an instrument - brainstorm/write notes about a project you are working on. Stay strong! i miss her so much !
LiveandLearn Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I am trying to be storng but am in " self destruct " mode. I am blaming myself entirely for the break up and I very confused. I did nothing wrong except not committing due to being a slow burner and it is now too late as she does not want her life with me anymore. It's normal to go through this; to blame oneself for the end of a relationship when we are not the ones to end it. Maybe you two just need some time apart to think things over. Maybe SHE needs time apart to think it over. If the relationship didn't end over a 3rd party being involved and is solely based on her impression that you weren't "committed" and that's what she needs, then maybe you can do some of the things that will show her that you are serious?
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Thank you. I am trying to be storng but am in " self destruct " mode. I am blaming myself entirely for the break up and I very confused. I did nothing wrong except not committing due to being a slow burner and it is now too late as she does not want her life with me anymore. I look back at parts of our life together and she sent me the signs numerous times and I did not act on them. Now I feel like I have let the best thing in my life slip away and am siwmming in the deep end without a life jacket. I cannot do anything at work and am in a daze with a loop in my head of our last days together and the mistakes I made. I know the booze is not the answer but it dulls the PAIN. You'll be fine. Its going to suck for a while, but everything will be okay. It always is. Keep your chin up. Stay focused.
LouiseC Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 It's normal to go through this; to blame oneself for the end of a relationship when we are not the ones to end it. Maybe you two just need some time apart to think things over. Maybe SHE needs time apart to think it over. If the relationship didn't end over a 3rd party being involved and is solely based on her impression that you weren't "committed" and that's what she needs, then maybe you can do some of the things that will show her that you are serious? I agree with this. If there was no third party involved then there's still a chance. People don't just switch feelings off. You said you told her that you're ready to do everything - but actions speak louder than words; seeing is believing. This may sound a bit harsh now and I'm sorry it's not meant to, but to be perfectly honest, I've read your other thread (Men are not meant...) and you sound kind of defeatist. If you want something so badly then you have to fight for it - and if that doesn't work then at least you know that you did everything you could to save it. Sitting on the couch drinking, thinking of her out with friends is pointless. Oh, and going out could simply be her way of dealing with things to get over the pain (my ex split with me about 3 weeks ago, and I've never been out so much, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt).
Butterfly01 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I know how much it hurts -- I've been there, we all have. But one of the first things I learned was the getting into the "what if" mindset is viscious cycle that will only prolong the pain. I know it's hard, but try joining an interest group -- you will meet new people, or for me, I am taking my pain out on the stairmaster -- exercise is a great way to relieve stress. But try and avoid the alcohol, that can lead you down another road of hurt. We all believe that we can't go on -- but everyone does somehow. Baby steps. And there is a thread here about writing to your ex -- it really helps to get the feelings out.
Surfer Dude Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I'll bet you $100 that there was a 3rd party involved. Like someone said, feelings don't just turn off. And I've yet to see a woman who broke up without a safety net and remained genuinely single
Author Zammo25 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I know how much it hurts -- I've been there, we all have. But one of the first things I learned was the getting into the "what if" mindset is viscious cycle that will only prolong the pain. I know it's hard, but try joining an interest group -- you will meet new people, or for me, I am taking my pain out on the stairmaster -- exercise is a great way to relieve stress. But try and avoid the alcohol, that can lead you down another road of hurt. We all believe that we can't go on -- but everyone does somehow. Baby steps. And there is a thread here about writing to your ex -- it really helps to get the feelings out. I hate the way this has made me. I am weak and pathetic and people have commented on it. I lost lost all self respect and self esteem. Is it worth wirint a final letter outlining things. I have accepted she does not want me in her life anymore so it would be a letter accepting this. I would not grovel or continue being Mr Nice Guy but it may be a final cathartic exercise for me. I can then drawn a line under it and try and move on.
Author Zammo25 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I'll bet you $100 that there was a 3rd party involved. Like someone said, feelings don't just turn off. And I've yet to see a woman who broke up without a safety net and remained genuinely single If this is the case she is a bare faced lier. She says she wants to be on her own and " she loves me and cares for me but can't be with me ". it was very final. I think I do little things that irrate her and I suppose when we got back together in the past I tried to change but people cannot stop being who they are can they and if someone loves you they accept the good with the bad. She had thinhgs that irratated me but they were not relationship breakers and I would not have finished with her over them.
Surfer Dude Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 If this is the case she is a bare faced lier. She says she wants to be on her own and " she loves me and cares for me but can't be with me ". it was very final. I think I do little things that irrate her and I suppose when we got back together in the past I tried to change but people cannot stop being who they are can they and if someone loves you they accept the good with the bad. She had thinhgs that irratated me but they were not relationship breakers and I would not have finished with her over them. Irritability, proneness to anger, emotional outbursts and a low level of tolerance are all classic signs of a woman cheating. I'm not saying this is necessarily true in your case, but this is how it goes down when they do cheat. It's a well known and familiar pattern, many members on this forum can attest to that (just read other threads), including myself. As for the famous lines such as "I need to be on my own to find myself""I need some time to myself, but I still love you" they are clear indication there is another man involved. I heard those same things, other people hear them all the time, and we hear them only when they are dumping us for someone else. But man, it's never too late. You're not 60 or 70, your 40 something right? Men of this age are still in demand among women, you can still make so many great memories and have the time of your life (that you thought you missed) with new women you can meet. You're not a grandpa. Get out there and have some fun, you don't have to commit or fall in love. Just have a good time and do what makes you feel good. People are selfish these days, they mind solely themselves and their happiness, why shouldn't you? Have fun.
Author Zammo25 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Irritability, proneness to anger, emotional outbursts and a low level of tolerance are all classic signs of a woman cheating. I'm not saying this is necessarily true in your case, but this is how it goes down when they do cheat. It's a well known and familiar pattern, many members on this forum can attest to that (just read other threads), including myself. As for the famous lines such as "I need to be on my own to find myself""I need some time to myself, but I still love you"they are clear indication there is another man involved. I heard those same things, other people hear them all the time, and we hear them only when they are dumping us for someone else. But man, it's never too late. You're not 60 or 70, your 40 something right? Men of this age are still in demand among women, you can still make so many great memories and have the time of your life (that you thought you missed) with new women you can meet. You're not a grandpa. Get out there and have some fun, you don't have to commit or fall in love. Just have a good time and do what makes you feel good. People are selfish these days, they mind solely themselves and their happiness, why shouldn't you? Have fun. I hear what your saying. A week before she broke up she said she loved me and then a few days later for no major reason on my part, just a few niggles she ends it again. I saw her face to face at my request 9 days ago and she told me " I cannot be with you anymore ", and when I stated my case and plans she said " there is no me and you in 2009 ". For the first 10 minutes she could barely looked at me and kept looking at the wall. It was a lost cause, my time had run out and yes it my fault for procrastinating and not making her mine in the 3 years I was with her. Also her circumstances are different now as her kids are independant now and also she has a couple of single female friends on the scene now. I know she talked to friends and I am sure they told her I was not worth it anymore. The first weekend after our split she was going on a singles night with her friends to " give them support ". This was planned whilst we were still together and although I was not happy I would never stop her doing something. When I sent an e mail she said she did not go on as it she want to be on her own. Do What do you think ?.
Surfer Dude Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I hear what your saying. A week before she broke up she said she loved me and then a few days later for no major reason on my part, just a few niggles she ends it again. I saw her face to face at my request 9 days ago and she told me " I cannot be with you anymore ", and when I stated my case and plans she said " there is no me and you in 2009 ". For the first 10 minutes she could barely looked at me and kept looking at the wall. It was a lost cause, my time had run out and yes it my fault for procrastinating and not making her mine in the 3 years I was with her. Also her circumstances are different now as her kids are independant now and also she has a couple of single female friends on the scene now. I know she talked to friends and I am sure they told her I was not worth it anymore. The first weekend after our split she was going on a singles night with her friends to " give them support ". This was planned whilst we were still together and although I was not happy I would never stop her doing something. When I sent an e mail she said she did not go on as it she want to be on her own. Do What do you think ?. She's going out. She either has someone already, or she wants to meet someone new. Either way, she definitely doesn't want relationship with you, but probably desires one generally. All you can do right now is let it go. I know how painful it is to lose best friend and partner at the same time. Sometimes the grief is unbearable. But you gotta hang in there. You will eventually feel better. Time heals everything, as cheesy as it may sound.
crackerjax9 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Irritability, proneness to anger, emotional outbursts and a low level of tolerance are all classic signs of a woman cheating. I'm not saying this is necessarily true in your case, but this is how it goes down when they do cheat. It's a well known and familiar pattern, many members on this forum can attest to that (just read other threads), including myself. As for the famous lines such as "I need to be on my own to find myself""I need some time to myself, but I still love you"they are clear indication there is another man involved. I heard those same things, other people hear them all the time, and we hear them only when they are dumping us for someone else. But man, it's never too late. You're not 60 or 70, your 40 something right? Men of this age are still in demand among women, you can still make so many great memories and have the time of your life (that you thought you missed) with new women you can meet. You're not a grandpa. Get out there and have some fun, you don't have to commit or fall in love. Just have a good time and do what makes you feel good. People are selfish these days, they mind solely themselves and their happiness, why shouldn't you? Have fun. I just broke up wtih my boyfriend and told him i needed space and time ( to get over him). I have been irritated upset all that due to HIS actions not becuase I was getting with another guy. I have been 100 percent faithful to him .. so i dont think your whole theory here is right about all these signs its another man. Maybe shes just fed up, kinda like I am
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