awesomeallalone Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I have been wandering this place for a about a week now.... and I guess its time for me to share my story.... heres a brief..... I was with my ex for almost 4 years throughout the relationship we went through a series of short break ups and breaks but he would always come back and I ofcourse would take him back...I guess that was my mistake...we were pretty serious and always talked about getting married soon.. last year (2007) we had a break for 2 weeks and after that things seemed to be getting better.... at the end of last November we went to las vegas and we ended up having this conversation and he confessed he didn’t want to get married yet so I said that was fine I sure don’t want to get married yet either.... ever since that day he started acting weird and stopped wanting to spend time with me would call me less frequently.... I started to get worried but I thought maybe he needed time because he was really stressed out about going back to school and trying to find the time to do everything he wanted.....I always in the back of my head knew things were just not right.....as december went on things got worse and worse and I felt I was loosing him.... on new years eve he told me he didn’t know if things were going to work out and didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore but he wasn’t going to break up with me.... at least not yet....(arg!) he was acting so cold with me and even stopped saying I love you....on Jan 4th we were eating dinner and we started having a conversation that I thought would lead to us trying to work things out.... instead it ended with us breaking up..... he said he needs to go and be free and do things for him meaning going out with his friends and flirting with girls without feeling guilty.... we talked for 2 hours before he left and I tried to ask all the questions I knew would bother me once he left....he was very honest and told me he just didn’t think he felt the same way anymore..... I have been no contact for 4 days now....I know that for now things are better this way for me.... he wasn’t being fair to me and I wasn’t being fair to myslef by allowing him to do that .... hes so flaky and changes his mind about everything all the time and im so used to him leaving and coming back I cant help but think what if this is one of those times and he'll be back.... I know things would never be the same....im having a hard time letting go because I care for him and miss what we had.....but im also having a hard time because I know I don’t need this and in a way that bothers me too.....I don’t know how to explain it right..... im very confused.... I imagine he feels the same way....
saturnsfall Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hi, I know how you feel regarding someone no longer being in your life, being upset, but also not knowing if you want them there. I too feel the same way right now. Are you frustrated because he's pulled you through the mud so much and can't take it anymore? How did things end the other times? Do you want to be with someone who is indecisive?
Author awesomeallalone Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 other times he said he needed time to think or other excuses to that effect..... and everytime i would grieve it and he would come back.... hes drug me threw the mud and i cant take it anymore.... i think thats what hurts more..... knowing that i could have been the one to walk away but didnt have the courage..... im scared of wanting him to come back but im scared to let him go....im in this limbo with myself... i hate his indicisiveness....
saturnsfall Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 other times he said he needed time to think or other excuses to that effect..... and everytime i would grieve it and he would come back.... hes drug me threw the mud and i cant take it anymore.... i think thats what hurts more..... knowing that i could have been the one to walk away but didnt have the courage..... im scared of wanting him to come back but im scared to let him go....im in this limbo with myself... i hate his indicisiveness.... You posted some great statements that speak volumes about your current situation. This man left you more than once and you grieved it. Sometimes people need time, to think, but this man has, as you said yourself, dragged you through the mud. Do you want to go back there? I think many of us beat ourselves up thinking we could have walked away first. Fact is, we didn't. They left us for whatever the reason. We stayed, good times and bad, and put in the effort. They could not meet us half way, instead they left. I understand your being afraid of him entering back into your life. I don't think you would benefit from it given his past of entering and exiting as he pleases. You are putting a lot at stake if you were given the option of allowing him to come back. You could go through it again, and I say that because he's done it more than once. Try not to focus so much on "his indecisiveness" Try and think about this "limbo" you're in.
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