losing my mind

[TC1978]

Hi,

I'm new here but I need some support to keep me sane and from losing my damn mind.

 

I've been in an on again off again relationship for nine years with a commitmentphobe/narcissistic man who is also the father of my six year old. I'm only 30 but the good part of my adult life has been wasted on this man.

 

I had finally had enough and went no contact in Nov for a month. He called me on christmas eve begging and pleading saying things I never heard him say in nine years! I fell for it...again.

 

He agreed to call up the woman he'd been seeing and end it. He did it right there on the spot. He got all his skeletons out the closet, coming clean to me about suspicions I'd had in the past and just totally being open and honest with me. Crying, saying 2009 would be different. He told me there were no other women for him to call and end it with.

 

Monday he was here sleep and his phone kept buzzing. I picked up...it was a text from yet another woman. I read all nine texts they'd sent back and forth. Saying I love you, let's meet today, I'll call u at lunch to confirm, blah blah. Those messages led me to inspect further. Pics of the 2 of them as far back as oct. Mind u, we hadn't broke up until nov.

 

I jotted her number down closed his phone...then I went psycho!

 

I confronted him and of course he had a million different excuses, reasons, lies!

 

I've called her but she won't answer. So I text her. She deserves to know. I'm sure he's furious with me because this is so out of character for me. I think I'm losing my mind. Just now I text her from the pc and put his return cell number in to make it look like the message was from him. I want to mess things up for him so bad...hurt him like he's hurting me.

 

How do I pick up the pieces of my life. I can't just go solid NC either, we have a child together.

 

*sigh*

[saturnsfall]

Hi,

 

I think it's wonderful that he attempted to be so honest with you. If he had followed through on his honesty that would be even better. However, he continues to lie to you. You mentioned sending a text? What did you say? What did she say? Do you see your relationship with him continuing? I understand you cannot go complete NC, but you can take time for yourself for awhile and think.