Gvalles Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I had an affair with a MM while I was pregnant with my H baby. The physical affair lasted about 2 months (Husband was in jail at the time) and the emotional affair about a year( You could say mainly best friends) . I thought I was falling in love with MM but came to my senses and realized this all stupid and a waste of time. . He was a coworker of mine. He left the company About 7 months ago and since then we have gone NC and it’s the best thing that has ever happened. . Well guess what? I received a phone call from the MM wife today, telling me that she knew everything about us. Every single detail of the moments we were together. I was in Shock with this phone call and felt my world falling apart. Never did it think this moment would arrive. MM confessed everything to W and claiming that I had a child by him. I don’t have a child by him and If that was the case my child will not grow up with out a father for my mistakes, Plus the W would have known about me long time ago if that was the case. Well apparently the wife tells me that MM is in jail because he was caught having an affair with another women ,Not Me. MM then decided to confess everything to W about our past. How could he do this to me when I clearly have cut him off, and when he knows I’m trying to live a better live by focusing on my husband and children? His W was upset but yet was well civilized. She didn’t even insult me or act hysterical but I could tell thru the tone of her voice that she was hurting.. I told her that during the affair I was going thru a hard time with my husband and I wasn’t thinking clear that I’m a changed women and have paid my consequences.. I said to her that I know I was wrong for what I did, inexcusable and to please except my apology for the pain I’ve have caused her. She said that she had nothing to forgive me and hopes me the best in life and hope that god will stay in my life, to find the right path. Basically she called to find out if my child was his and wanted an answer. So my question is , Why did MM bring me up just because he got caught with the OW? Why do I feel so terrible for the pain that I have caused this women?. Why do I feel like a cruel person? What can I do for this haunting past to disappear? How should I go back to my normal life after hurting so many people. I hate the moment I choose to make a wrong decision with a passion. I so regret it..
2sure Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Its possible that like you, MM has decided to amend his mistakes and did so by coming clean to his wife about all of his transgressions. The wife certainly was the victim here, as well as your husband. She has forgiven you, or didnt blame you in the first place. Your sorrow, regret and apology were accepted. You ask how you can go on, knowing what you have done, and how you have hurt people. The best way to do that is apologize and come clean with your spouse - as MM did. You know that. As to forgiving yourself - which (for me ) is the hardest , you have to. Our life and the porson we ultimately become is made up of a series of mistakes, success, tragedies, etc. Its what we do with the hard stuff that really reflects who we are. Leave who you were behind you, learn from it, and continue becoming the person you want to be.
norajane Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well apparently the wife tells me that MM is in jail because he was caught having an affair with another women I don't see how that's possible. They don't put you in jail for having an affair. Unless MM got into a brawl with the OW's husband, if she had one. There are some lies flying around here, but I suppose that's not your concern. MM came clean to his wife for his own reasons, perhaps of conscience, perhaps because she pushed him to confess to everything or else their marriage would be over, perhaps perhaps perhaps. We can't really know. At this point, the only one who can forgive you is your husband, but you'd have to tell him about your affair in order for you to gain his forgiveness. That might make you feel better, or you might feel worse because then you'd see firsthand the damage it can do to someone to find out they'd been betrayed by their spouse. As for forgiving yourself, you probably will, in time. The W's call reminded you of what you had done...before her call, were you feeling bad ? My guess is not as bad as after. So, this too shall fade in time.
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 So my question is , Why did MM bring me up just because he got caught with the OW? Why do I feel so terrible for the pain that I have caused this women?. Why do I feel like a cruel person? What can I do for this haunting past to disappear? How should I go back to my normal life after hurting so many people. It's good that you are feeling this way because you did help this man cheat on his wife. Then again, this guy helped YOU cheat on your husband..Maybe the guilt you're feeling is more what you've done to your husband. Him being in jail isn't a justfication to cheat on him. Think about telling your husband the truth about your affair, before the exMM or his wife tells your husband. It IS a possibility that could happen and your husband is better off hearing it from you, not someone else.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I think it's very possible that he did it BECAUSE the affair was over. It would be much easier for him to turn the conversation to the A that was over than discuss or out the current one as much. Glad you're out of that mess. I'm also glad that the confrontation went well.
NoIDidn't Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 What I appreciate the most about your post is that you did apologize to his W and didn't treat her with disrespect. I think MW (married OWs) do think about the BW and the consequences to both families than single OWs do. That said. Now, you can truly put that back into the past and keep going forward positively. It might not feel like it now, but it really is going to feel like a weight lifted off you that you will never have to revisit. Did you already tell your H what happened? Is he out already?
bentnotbroken Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 What I appreciate the most about your post is that you did apologize to his W and didn't treat her with disrespect. I think MW (married OWs) do think about the BW and the consequences to both families than single OWs do. That said. Now, you can truly put that back into the past and keep going forward positively. It might not feel like it now, but it really is going to feel like a weight lifted off you that you will never have to revisit. Did you already tell your H what happened? Is he out already? You said, that you have paid your consequences, that is for God to decide. If her confronting you and having to apologize was part of those consequences, should you really be angry with her H? I am not dumping on you, just asking.
bentnotbroken Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 messed up again. NID didn't mean to use your quote.
frannie Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 She said that she had nothing to forgive me and hopes me the best in life and hope that god will stay in my life, to find the right path. Basically she called to find out if my child was his and wanted an answer. So my question is , Why did MM bring me up just because he got caught with the OW? Why do I feel so terrible for the pain that I have caused this women?. Why do I feel like a cruel person? What can I do for this haunting past to disappear? How should I go back to my normal life after hurting so many people. Well, perhaps now he's been caught cheating again, he's being somewhat open about his other affairs, and unfortunately this is what happens. I think you should take his W's words to heart, as she has evidently forgiven you, and that's something that not many OW get. Also, focus on the fact that you did go NC with him, and you have been able to help her by being open with her, and give her the information she needed about your child. Are you sure that he never believed the child was his? That could have been a mistake on his part, or perhaps he was confused if he has other OW and perhaps OC. If not, then he's clearly not being completely honest with his W even now. Also, I'd be grateful that you're not with him, as he isn't all that he should be, with multiple OW and now in prison (for what??).
Author Gvalles Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your feedback. It has been very helpful. I have cried out the best of me and feeling much better. This experience has left a sour taste to my mouth and I will never do it again. Yes he is lying to his wife. His wife has told me that he said I have pressured him to take responsibility for my child. This is not true. When we had an emotional affair I never mentioned anything to him about my children. I told her that I would even confront this to him in front of her to confirm the child was not his. I think his telling his wife this lie because his angry at her for what has happened to him,( By the way he got deported back to his country) But it was his choice to live his life the way he did. . Why his in jail?? Really don’t know but the only thing W said was because he was with another woman. Could be that he got caught, fought with the wife, domestic violence happened??, or some other drama with the OW husband. Who knows??? And really it’s not up to me to care. Yes. I am grateful that MM’S true colors came out. It made me realize what a fake he was . Now that I reflect back to past I’m glad I made the decisions to back off. I feel much better today. I actually fell great!!!Thanks again everyone for you advice and opinions. This chapter of my life has officially closed . Thank you Lord.
LavendarGirl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Gvalles, Hmm, it sounds like either he's not being completely honest with his W, or she's not being completely honest with you. Or maybe her H has been in so many OW's, she's getting the stories mixed up! I can't imagine why he'd say that you are after him for support of a baby that was never thought to be his. Unless there's a completely different OW who is suing for support and he's trying to put blame on an xOW to reduce the risk of his current A being found out. I don't know, it's all confusing. But for now, I am glad you have cried it out of your system. And I'm glad that you and his W have had this chat and she's not holding anything against you. For what it's worth, my first xH was a serial cheater, and I never resented or put blame on his OW's. I knew he was a dog, it wasn't their (the OWs) fault!
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 I had an affair with a MM while I was pregnant with my H baby. The physical affair lasted about 2 months (Husband was in jail at the time) Can I ask why your husband was in jail as well?
Author Gvalles Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Yes. My H was in jail due the fact that i kicked him out of the house when i found out about his A. He went to go drink with some friends that night and did the stupid decision of entering an auto. He served 2 month in jail and during the time of my A i had mixed emotions, thinking that MY Husband didn't deserve me , so along come MM , talk to me all lovey dovey and I felled for it. My H is a changed man . He has proven it to me . Becuase of this i have choosen to be a better woman. We have both put alot of effort into our marriage and are enjoying the outcome. We bought a house, were having lots of family time with our children and accomplishing lot of goals. I am in love with my husband. When i looked into his eyes last night i thought to myself, I never want to lose this man.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Does your husband know that you had an affair as well? Thanks for answering, I know asking why your H was in jail is a personal question.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 How do you wind up with both a husband AND MM being in jail? Sounds to me like you're mixed up with a crappy crowd... you might want to rethink your social circle.
Author Gvalles Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 I know.. LOL ..It's not that bad, Were pretty good people. We just went thru some stupid times. My H's deal was about 3 years ago. It took about 1 yr to sentenced him. Also Yes He does know about the A. We both went thru some hard times about this and decided to start fresh.
jj33 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Gvalles you sound really together about this whole thing. I think I am a bit sheltered in a lot of ways and when you first posted it all sounded a bit mad... but you and your H sound like you have worked through a lot of difficult stuff, taken the jail sentence in stride (as best one can) and moved on with your life together. So as someone said maybe the fact that MMs wife knows is good. Its the last loose end. Now you can close that chapter and put it behind you.
NoIDidn't Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 messed up again. NID didn't mean to use your quote. No prob. Sometimes I hit quote when I meant Reply and forget to delete the extra text. LOL. No biggie.
NoIDidn't Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This chapter of my life has officially closed . Thank you Lord. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about.
Recommended Posts