Tomatotop Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I’ll try to make this brief, there’s a lot to it though: I dated my ex back in college for 18 months, I’m 25 now and we’ve been broken up for 3 ½ years. We went right from dating to being “friends.” We hungout with the same people, so we ended up seeing each other all the time, and we would still hook up. Then he got a girlfriend and wasn’t “allowed” to talk to me, so I gave up on him. Shortly thereafter, after he broke up w/ that girlfriend he decided he wanted to be friends again. So, we’ve been friends since summer of 2006, and he’s been mostly really good to me. We would hangout nearly every weekend and continued to hook up, however we never got back together or talked about getting back together. Then in December 2007 I told him we needed to spend some time apart since we were hanging out so much, 3 weeks later he decided he was going to move completely across the country. No job lined up, but he was just moving in with his cousin. So, he moved in March I’ve seen him a few times and we talk pretty regularly. He was home over x-mas and we hung out a lot. He’s seeing somebody now, and he claims it’s not serious, but I cannot get it off my mind. I don’t have feeling for him like I used to and I really do not want to be with him, I just feel like I don’t want anybody to be with him. When he’s with her he won’t answer any calls or texts from me, and he lies about being with her. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me and I don’t really know what to do about this. I hate being a paranoid freak and need to get this stuff off my mind. Anybody have any suggestions?!?!?
audrey_1 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I’ll try to make this brief, there’s a lot to it though: I dated my ex back in college for 18 months, I’m 25 now and we’ve been broken up for 3 ½ years. We went right from dating to being “friends.” We hungout with the same people, so we ended up seeing each other all the time, and we would still hook up. Then he got a girlfriend and wasn’t “allowed” to talk to me, so I gave up on him. Shortly thereafter, after he broke up w/ that girlfriend he decided he wanted to be friends again. So, we’ve been friends since summer of 2006, and he’s been mostly really good to me. We would hangout nearly every weekend and continued to hook up, however we never got back together or talked about getting back together. Then in December 2007 I told him we needed to spend some time apart since we were hanging out so much, 3 weeks later he decided he was going to move completely across the country. No job lined up, but he was just moving in with his cousin. So, he moved in March I’ve seen him a few times and we talk pretty regularly. He was home over x-mas and we hung out a lot. He’s seeing somebody now, and he claims it’s not serious, but I cannot get it off my mind. I don’t have feeling for him like I used to and I really do not want to be with him, I just feel like I don’t want anybody to be with him. When he’s with her he won’t answer any calls or texts from me, and he lies about being with her. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me and I don’t really know what to do about this. I hate being a paranoid freak and need to get this stuff off my mind. Anybody have any suggestions?!?!? Well, this case is similar to mine, and I went N/C. I had to do it for me. Being intimate with someone who you're not in a relationship with does nothing but confuse emotions, IMO. I thought I would be able to keep it compartmentalized, but I couldn't pull it off. Sounds like you can't either. Why are you a paranoid freak? He isn't your boyfriend. He's seeing someone else. When he's with her, he chooses her over his friend. That would be you. You're not his first priority, but fall back girl. Do you want to just be his friend? If so, stop being intimate with him. Keep the lines clear. If you have stronger feelings for him you can't reconcile, I suggest taking some time to yourself to give them time to settle and see what it is you really want or need from the situation. Otherwise, it will be an ongoing push and pull that is incredibly unhealthy. I finally reached the point where I'm taking my own advice. I feel relieved that we haven't talked. I don't have to hear about his new relationship. I don't get used for sex (though I probably used him for sex, too, if I'm truly honest), and I can keep myself open for someone who wants all of me, or who won't blur the lines of or abuse my friendship. Good luck with this.
durotto Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well, this case is similar to mine, and I went N/C. I had to do it for me. Being intimate with someone who you're not in a relationship with does nothing but confuse emotions, IMO. I thought I would be able to keep it compartmentalized, but I couldn't pull it off. Sounds like you can't either. Why are you a paranoid freak? He isn't your boyfriend. He's seeing someone else. When he's with her, he chooses her over his friend. That would be you. You're not his first priority, but fall back girl. Do you want to just be his friend? If so, stop being intimate with him. Keep the lines clear. If you have stronger feelings for him you can't reconcile, I suggest taking some time to yourself to give them time to settle and see what it is you really want or need from the situation. Otherwise, it will be an ongoing push and pull that is incredibly unhealthy. I finally reached the point where I'm taking my own advice. I feel relieved that we haven't talked. I don't have to hear about his new relationship. I don't get used for sex (though I probably used him for sex, too, if I'm truly honest), and I can keep myself open for someone who wants all of me, or who won't blur the lines of or abuse my friendship. Good luck with this. Forget about him... his mind and heart is now for the new person.. Nothing you say or do will bring him back .. you need to let him go and reconcile with yourself ..
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