CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Okay... Well... Basically... Here's the story in a nutshell Well, we are both 18... I got hired at this job and she was working there already. When I first seen her, I instantly thought to myself, "I need to talk to this girl"... Well I did... Only to find out she has a boyfriend, for 2 Years. Me and her are cool though, we talk and joke around at work all the time, basically I flirt with her and she doesn't seem to mind... at all. She even told me that I would be boyfriend material for her if she didn't have a boyfriend. And what's weird is, we never get into talking about her boyfriend... at all. We've really only talked about him twice, over like 3 months... Once, when she mentioned she had one, and once when I asked her a question about New Years... I don't know if that means she content with talking to other guys without get insecure about having a boyfriend while doing this, or what... but I just found it weird. We've exchanged numbers and we text each other from time to time joking around, basically calling each other "Chump" "Loser" etc. and she seems to like it when I work with her. Basically, I found out I liked her from talking to her so much. She's cool, beautiful, and... has a boyfriend... for 2 years... Any advice? Or comments...?
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Yes. Cool it. She has a BF. Why strive to break that up? Because that's what you are doing, you know that, don't you? If her having a BF was of no issue to you, because she genuinely is just a freind, then you wouldn't be posting on here. What you want someone to do is to validate what you're doing because eventually she'll weaken and come to you. That's low, disrespectful and underhand. To her BF. Say she was your GF and you found out some sloppy teenager was after your gal - you'd be ok about this would you? Cut it out. Show some maturity and back off.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Ah, thanks for the harsh honesty.... But see... The way you are looking at it is.... That I am initiating all of this.... It's a 50/50 thing my friend... She'll start a lot of the conversations... Most of the time about stupid stuff... And I am not striving to break anything up... I'm not a scumbag... When I like a girl, I want what's best for her... If it's this dude... Aw well, I sit on the sidelines... It's not like I'm stalking her here... We text EACH OTHER... It's not like if you look at my inbox/outbox.... Ive sent 60 to her, and only got like 30 back.... She'll text me, I'll text her... and it's not an everyday thing.... We hardly text each other...
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Ah, thanks for the harsh honesty.... But see... The way you are looking at it is.... That I am initiating all of this.... It's a 50/50 thing my friend... She'll start a lot of the conversations... Most of the time about stupid stuff... Ah, yes, I see. her initiating half of it, has obviously deprived you of the ability to make a conscious choice to not do this. And your starting the other 50% must be the other mitigating factor. What YOU do is YOUR choice. She's not holding a gun to your head and making you respond this way. You're choosing to play into it. And I am not striving to break anything up... I'm not a scumbag... When I like a girl, I want what's best for her... If it's this dude... Aw well, I sit on the sidelines... You shouldn't be sitting anywhere near this at all. And yes, the fact that you are showing more interest in her than is advisable, is a way of getting something to happen. Hopefully, to your advantage. Ever fantasised about her? It's not like I'm stalking her here... We text EACH OTHER... It's not like if you look at my inbox/outbox.... Ive sent 60 to her, and only got like 30 back.... She'll text me, I'll text her... and it's not an everyday thing.... We hardly text each other... Then it should be no problem for you to not text her at all, right? But of course, that's not what you want. Things always happen for a reason, don't they? Mainly in this case, that you fancy her and want to get a leg-over. If you can outright completely deny that and declare it totally and wholly false, I'll back off.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 No there is no reason to text her... I havent texted her in quite a while actually... I DO think of her as a friend... I believe that I like her... But I'm not overwhemlingly taken by these feelings... I have control.... It's not like I sit there... and slowly take off my shirt as I'm talking to her... Seducing her into doing something with me... Ya know, She is good company to talk to also... Not everyone has an ulterior motive... I wouldn't mind being with her, but the simple fact that she has a boyfriend, makes me not try anything but be a friend to her... Notice in the original post "We hardly ever talk about her boyfriend" so it's not like I'm trying to kill the relationship
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 That's an excellent way to kill the realtionship. By ignoring his presence or making like he's not even there. Talk about him as much as you can. How much he must love her, and what a great guy you think he must be. I guarantee she'll either tell you they're not all that good at the moment, or back of at a rate of knots.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Okay, but we dont sit there and talk about how good we are together... We were talking ONE day, as in this talk happened once, that she said that I am too much of a nice guy with a good personality to not have a girlfriend.... And I said, you are telling me... Then, the boyfriend material comment came... Not insinuating anything... Just a nice wholehearted comment.... And like I said in the original thing, some girl just like to talk to guys... just because its someone else to talk to... For all I know, she doesn't give a crap about me, I'm just someone to talk to at work... Aw well... it happens... It's not like she's the first girl i've talked to and wound up liking... I'll get over it... We/I don't sit there and talk about how I can get her to be mine...
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 No discussion is necessary. Actions speak louder than words. Intention is all. What does God tell you you should do? Refer to the scriptures, then act accordingly. Believe me, I'm not mocking you, I'm absolutely serious.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 I understand exactly what you are saying... Which is why... Wala... Im not drooling over her telling her to break up with her boyfriend... and im just being a friend to her...
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 So watch for the signals, ok? The minute she starts making any complaints about her R, and dropping hints (subtle or otherwise) about how things seem to not be working, view that as a red flag, come clean and rell her that nothing's going to happen between you two unless you're both free agents. Good luck!
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Yes. Thanks and finally you understand where i was coming from. Thanks for all your help. I guess constructive criticism wins again
dreamergrl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Anybody else? Yeah.. If she's actually flirting or hinting around about hooking up with you - that means she's capable of doing to you what she's doing to her boyfriend. Never get involved with someone who is spoken for.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Yeah.. If she's actually flirting or hinting around about hooking up with you - that means she's capable of doing to you what she's doing to her boyfriend. Never get involved with someone who is spoken for. Naw, no hints about hooking up with me... That would be where i draw the line and tell her that nothing will happen until she is done with her boyfriend....
dreamergrl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Naw, no hints about hooking up with me... That would be where i draw the line and tell her that nothing will happen until she is done with her boyfriend.... :rolleyes::rolleyes: You're missing the point. If she's flirting with you, while she has a boyfriend, what do you think she'd be doing behind your back if you were with her?
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 :rolleyes::rolleyes: You're missing the point. If she's flirting with you, while she has a boyfriend, what do you think she'd be doing behind your back if you were with her? Yeah... i gotcha...
carhill Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 OP, while I echo the other poster's cautions here, the good news is, IMO, you're not in her friend-zone, so have an opportunity if circumstances change. Date some other young ladies and keep in distant touch with this one. Time reveals all truths
kashmir Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 She's 18 and she's had a boyfriend for 2 years? Meaning since she was 16? Sheesh, young girls need to stop thinking they're in love with some guy that they had 10th grade history with. Honestly, if you or I were older I'd say lay off, but I've learned that at this age EVERY girl has SOME kind of boyfriend. It's impossible to meet a 100% single girl. Why? Well a) they don't like to admit they're single, and b) they go from guy to guy with no time in between. You can't let the boyfriend discourage you, because if you did then you'd be discouraged by practically every girl you met. Just ask her to hang out and see what she says. If she tells you that she doesn't think her boyfriend will like it just try to convince her that it's "hanging out." If she accepts your offer, then when you get together get flirty and see what happens. Don't be afraid to be persistent. The worst she can say is she's faithful to her boyfriend...which just means she isn't into you, because I guarantee when she finds a guy she IS interested in she'll drop the image of appearing faithful...if she hasn't already.
dreamergrl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 She's 18 and she's had a boyfriend for 2 years? Meaning since she was 16? Sheesh, young girls need to stop thinking they're in love with some guy that they had 10th grade history with. Honestly, if you or I were older I'd say lay off, but I've learned that at this age EVERY girl has SOME kind of boyfriend. It's impossible to meet a 100% single girl. Why? Well a) they don't like to admit they're single, and b) they go from guy to guy with no time in between. You can't let the boyfriend discourage you, because if you did then you'd be discouraged by practically every girl you me. Just ask her to hang out and see what she says. If she tells you that she doesn't think her boyfriend will like it just try to convince her that it's "hanging out." If she accepts your offer, then when you get together get flirty and see what happens. Don't be afraid to be persistent. The worst she can say is she's faithful to her boyfriend...which just means she isn't into you, because I guarantee when she finds a guy she IS interested in she'll drop the image of appearing faithful...if she hasn't already. But if she accepts it only shows what she'll do to OP as well. Why pursue a girl who acts like this, unless your only out for a sack session, and if that's the case, why break up a relationship over it?
kashmir Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 But if she accepts it only shows what she'll do to OP as well. Why pursue a girl who acts like this, unless your only out for a sack session, and if that's the case, why break up a relationship over it? Why not break up a relationship? Who cares? They're 18. Everyone is cheating. Relationships are bullcrap at this age. Of course he shouldn't get into a relationship with her, just hook up with her as much as he can.
Author CrashLanded87 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Why not break up a relationship? Who cares? They're 18. Everyone is cheating. Relationships are bullcrap at this age. Of course he shouldn't get into a relationship with her, just hook up with her as much as he can. Whoa, sorry dude... I aint the "Hook-up" type... I want a relationship with a girl that is going to love me for me and I will love her for her.... Which is why I would not try anything with this girl unless she is sure she likes me enough to break up with her boyfriend and i had nothing to do with the break up... She just realized she liked me...
dreamergrl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Why not break up a relationship? Who cares? They're 18. Everyone is cheating. Relationships are bullcrap at this age. Of course he shouldn't get into a relationship with her, just hook up with her as much as he can. I can honestly say I never cheated on my boyfriend at that age (I've never cheated period). Just because they are young, doesn't mean they can't have meaningful relationship. Relationships are a learning process, so why ever cheat? Why not learn what a real relationship is about?
kashmir Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 It's not necessarily cheating, just staying open. Like I said, many girls go from guy to guy. They don't wait for their current "relationship" to break up and then become single. Their relationship breaks when they find a guy that they like more than their boyfriend. Not every girl will outright cheat (though probably a third with bf's will) but the vast majority will operate in the fashion I described.
dreamergrl Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 It's not necessarily cheating, just staying open. Like I said, many girls go from guy to guy. They don't wait for their current "relationship" to break up and then become single. Their relationship breaks when they find a guy that they like more than their boyfriend. Not every girl will outright cheat (though probably a third with bf's will) but the vast majority will operate in the fashion I described. Even still, why would you encourage someone to break up another couples relationship?? I doubt OP would want a dude barging in on his relationship.
movingonandon Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Okay... Well... Basically... Here's the story in a nutshell Well, we are both 18... I got hired at this job and she was working there already. When I first seen her, I instantly thought to myself, "I need to talk to this girl"... Well I did... Only to find out she has a boyfriend, for 2 Years. Me and her are cool though, we talk and joke around at work all the time, basically I flirt with her and she doesn't seem to mind... at all. She even told me that I would be boyfriend material for her if she didn't have a boyfriend. And what's weird is, we never get into talking about her boyfriend... at all. We've really only talked about him twice, over like 3 months... Once, when she mentioned she had one, and once when I asked her a question about New Years... I don't know if that means she content with talking to other guys without get insecure about having a boyfriend while doing this, or what... but I just found it weird. We've exchanged numbers and we text each other from time to time joking around, basically calling each other "Chump" "Loser" etc. and she seems to like it when I work with her. Basically, I found out I liked her from talking to her so much. She's cool, beautiful, and... has a boyfriend... for 2 years... Any advice? Or comments...? This was probably said multiple times already (i didn't read), but basically forget about her. Don't be "that" guy... Be cool, keep your distance. If she ever breaks up with that guy, you might be on her list. Just resist the temptation to hand out with her all the time and to be for her "everything that her boyfriend is not", that'd be weasel-y, imho.
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