letinmotion Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I recently just got back together with an ex who broke up with me because she couldn't take anymore of me "not being in love with her." I finally came around but it was already too late and she was already drifting away from me. She ended up calling things off and I was pretty devastated. She ended up coming around and I was absolutely ECSTATIC! We had a trip planned to a mountain cabin and were both very excited for it. I ended up getting a text from her a few nights before the planned getaway about some bad news she needed to tell me. I ended up calling her and picking her up so we could talk because I knew it was something really important. She ended up telling me that on the night before she broke up with me she ended up having sex with her ex bf. She feels absolutely terrible and is extremely remorseful. I am lenient towards the situation because I really do love her and I was such a jackass to her that it doesn't surprise me that I drove her into the arms of another man. We officially got back together the 17th of December. I was extremely happy with things but the thought of her with her ex bf would occasionally be on my mind. Nothing that I truly do not think I will not get over. I love and care for her dearly and feel horrible about how I treated in the first place that I want to make it work this time. However this last Saturday she ended up confessing that she had sex with her ex bf 3 times after that because she was trying to get over me. This still doesn't surprise me because that is her history. She tends to get with guys to get over her former relationship. That's what she did to the dude she went back to and slept with. She has shown enough that she does deeply care about me and love me and the last thing I want at this time is to be without her. However, I've fallen into a bit of a situational depression... I just got a new condo and feel a bit homesick and I have my relationship issues and I just am not happy. I feel like im so low that I am not sure if I even lover my girlfriend or want to even be with her. However, thinking about that hurts me beyond belief so I know that can't be or at least I dont think so. I am seeing a psychologist on Monday to go over some my anxiety issues because I have always struggled with the way I deal with my problems. I usually act like nothing is wrong until I reach a breaking point. I really am not ready to hang it up yet but would find comfort in someone sharing their advice or similar story with me. Anything is welcome.
Author letinmotion Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 DANG! I was hoping someone would chime in.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Fix you first, then see how you feel about her and the relationship. It just seems very forced? I mean, you do care about her and are attached to her but in all honesty it doesn't sound like you're deeply inlove with her. Not being that upset, hurt, jealous or angry that she had sex with her ex 13+ times to try to get over you is abit of a red flag. It's good you're seeking therapy, so focus on that and just keep things slow with your gf. Don't rush into anything, just have fun and get to know her again on a new level.
Author letinmotion Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 The way I handle trauma is just brushing it off and thinking that nothing is wrong and then later it resurfaces and I crack. Not the healthiest thing in the world but that's just how I am. Relationship doesn't seemed forced at all. When we first broke up I was devastated. I rarely ate and I got about 2 hours of sleep literally for about 2 weeks. Getting back with her was the best thing ever. I just think there are some deep issues with myself which are conflicting with my desire to be with her and are confusing me. Its a very complex situation. If anyone else wants to share some advice or enlighten me a bit, I would appreciate it!
Pacman Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 This is my opinion: Some girls get in a relationship and after it hits a certain point they start thinking of what else is our there. She could have broken up with you thinking that her ex-bf would satisfy that need and realized that her ex-bf was not it and went back running to you. That sort of makes you the fall back guy. If i were you I'd dump her and wouldn't have taken her back. Having sex with an ex-bf to get over you is a pretty lame excuse IMHO. Remember this, she also had sex with her ex-bf while she was with you. She freakin cheated on you and you just took her back. Fix yourself first then find another girl deserving of the NEW you.
Recommended Posts