hereandnow Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 So my gf broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I'm 27, she's 33. I'm the dumpee. No cheating involved. Good, healthy 6 month relationship. I would like to give it another shot. So I talk to her on the phone this afternoon. I initiated the call. Talked about 20 minutes, normal stuff, told her I'd be at the coffee shop a while later if she wanted to join me, she said she was busy. An hour later I get a call from her. She said she was sorry to have to ask me but her friend needed help hauling a mattress and I have a truck. So I help her friend out and afterward my ex asks if I want to come over to her place and see her cat (her place was right down the street). So we hang out at her place for maybe 45 minutes, it was really cool, we got along great. It was the first time I'd been over there since the breakup. I didn't try anything, didn't bring up the relationship, just kept it friendly (as I've heard people advise on here). She says it's good to be talking with me again and that's when I decided I should leave on a high note. As I leave we hug and she tells me (without me asking) she'll come meet me for coffee sometime. Does any of this mean anything? What should my next move be? I may run into her tomorrow, but if I don't I'm thinking about texting her telling her it was good to hang out with her again. Any thoughts/support appreciated.
BCCA Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I'm going to point out a few things: 1. You asked her to have coffee, she said she was busy, and did not offer an alternative (such as, "Im busy today, but...") 2. She then called you to ask you to help move a mattress. 3. She said she'll meet you 'sometime' for coffee (again, nothing about when) I wouldn't contact her anymore. While there is a slim chance she might be re-interested, there is a larger chance she just used you because her friend needed help. Sure, she invited you over afterward, but how bad would she feel if she just let you move the mattress and said "see ya". That would be REALLY cold. Here is a good trick I always use when dealing with my ex. As SOON as she contacts me, the first thing I do is ask myself, why? In your case, her friend needed help. Thats why she called you. Not because she missed you, not because she felt bad for denying your coffee request...no, she needed a hand. I know, it's not easy to look at it in this light, especially when you dont want to. Take it from someone whose been used more times then I care to count: dont ever, ever, ever assume "oh, she wouldnt just use me" - she would. Maybe not 100% intentionally, but people have a way of not looking past the next 10 seconds, and during that time, she needed help. What happens afterward, whether it hurts you or leads you on...thats not her concern. Just dont contact her and see what happens. That will tell you everything you need to know. If she does indeed call for coffee, hey, see what happens. But dont wait by the phone or anything...
saturnsfall Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I agree with BCCA. Don't contact her. There aren't enough good reasons in the world to contact her or listen if she were to contact you. When people break up, they break up. We as dumpees, should view this as a relief. We no longer have to deal with whatever it was we were dealing with during the relationship. We can now breathe again. Most likely, we've been left because we weren't conforming to what the other person wanted from us. So, why would we change now? Whether or not you believe you can move on, just know this: the minute she left you, you were given a gift. The gift of thought. Think about what you need to get you through this. P.S. second chances don't work.
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