stoopid42long Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hey, I'm new to this. Been separated for 3 n half years. Tried to get a divorce at different times but dealing with an ex that has Bi Polar has made things very tricky. Was married for 17 yrs when I asked him to leave....most of that time i have memories of bizarre behaviour and infidelity. We have 2 sons that are teenagers and my aim was to make sure they wouldnt get hurt like I did by his behaviour. He hasnt seeked help 4 his condidtion regardless of how it harms others. That is why we can't live together. Each time i have asked 4 a divorce he has asked to come back etc and says he will change if he has sumthing goal. I have held tight and and said NO! Recently in 2008 he has been lying and traveling to the Phillipines and chating online to an 18 yr, he is 45. My eldest son found out and he asked him to keep it a secret. He is in debt and hasnt paid his share of mortgage, an arrangement he made because he didnt want to pay childsupport. He has brought her back to Aust on chrismas eve and she is living with him. He has spent all his money on getting her here and gave the kids a crap xmas present. They feel like he has discarded them cos he has no time 4 them and they are shocked that she is the same age as my eldest son. He is not going to work most days to entertain her and they were stuck with her and him all over each other at christmas. He has lost it big time!!!! Any comments welcome.
LillyBlue Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Oh my gosh...this sounds like an awful situation. Your poor children. As you've read my thread, you know that my situation is not good either, so I can't really offer any advice. I just wish you luck, and peace in your life.
Author stoopid42long Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Thank you LillyBlue. its like my worst nightmare. Karma is a wonderful thing though. Well I'm hoping
Author stoopid42long Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Hey everyone. Need some advice and help! After my last entry my kids went to ex's fthis weekend. I had spoken to him in detail on the Friday before he picked them up about the kids concerns and feelings and how they felt that he wasn't spending anytime with them. He promised me that he would spend the weekend doing things with them and would have a private chat to them to clear up their insecurities. The kids came home today upset and feeling like they were ignored. He didn't have the chat with them, his plans didn't come through. He spent most of the weekend in the bedroom with his GF and everytime they tried to get his attention she would recall him back into the room. On the sunday he had planned a fishing trip with his brother, neice and the kids. he announced to them the night before that he would have to meet them later in the day because his GF needed him to take her to church! His brother basically had to take them fishing in the morning and he finally turned up at lunch with some food and then told the kids that him and his GF were going to have a rest in the shade, lying down together while the kids were left to go for a swim. he managed to stay for 2 hrs and then said that his GF was tired and wanted to go home. They are disappointed and hurt. I suggested maybe they should stay at home and not put themselves through it at the moment while all his focus is elsewhere. I'm angry and feel like he is being a jerk. What do you think I should be doing to help support the kids? Ijust don't think talking to him worked and frankly I just want to make sure the kids don't suffer. Please give me some advice.
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Don't bad-mouth him infront of them, if you can help it. But listen to them gripe. Nobody listens to kids enough. We try to pacify, explain and justify, but we don't let them rip and vent. we try to comfort rhem, and basically divert them, but they need to show their anger. Whatever they want to say, agree with them. tell them you completely see their point. Then, privately, don't discuss this with him, but tell him he's a jerk. Take no prisoners, let him have it, full in the stomach, and don;t give him an edgeways to get a word in. He's clearly putting his GF before his main priorities but that she has no right to do this when you should be having family time. The kids all resent her and him and he needs to step up to the plate and be a dad, not a loser. Oh, and, I'm sorry, but - Karma doesn't work that way. But when the kids refuse to speak to him, and his GF moves on to something better with fewer commitments and distractions - he'll know.
Author stoopid42long Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks for your advice Geishawhelk. The Karma comment was not to be taken in the literal sense, another way to see it I suppose is the harm he does will come back three fold so to speak. But by then he will have done move on to another episode and others are left to deal with the fallout. Basically I have no feels apart from upmost disgust about his behaviour and treatment of his children, although I am not surprised because he has not regard for anyones feelings. I do know that first hand. It is harder to sit and watch it being done to my kids rather than to me. And even harder to rise above him and not step in and tell them how much of a ******* he is and that he will never change.
Recommended Posts