WishingStar Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 So I have been with this guy for about 7 years. He was very wish washy about the relationship at first.. But we got along pretty well. Then there was a point when he wanted to break up.. Said he could do it. So we broke up but stayed in touch. Then we started being romantic again. Started back in a relationship. Never labeled it though. We were doing pretty well. He was still kind of selfish at times and I was bothered that he wouldn't admit to the title. So I said I wanted more. He said he couldn't do it. So I called it quits. Well, I could only go for so long. Then I contacted him... I know, I know.. NC.. But it worked out. We decided to give it another try. And we were together for 3 years without any fights or anything. He called me his girlfriend and talked about future plans with me. He had to move away for a school but I was to follow this summer. We totally rock the LD thing.. No problems.. Counted down the days. He came home for both winter holidays. Everything was wonderful. Then out of nowhere. He said he couldn't give me what I wanted. I talked to him at 6 and by 10 he was completely different. He did discuss our future plans with his parents. My have had something to do with it. So I am not sure what to do. I have been contacting him since the break a week ago and asking to talk. He says he can't right now. That it is too hard. I am sad I didn't talk to him when he wanted to the day of the break-up. But now I don't want to just let him go. He said he has to work on his problems that affect his relationships. Like fear of commitment. Any advice?
Sysyphus28 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 People want what they can't have, and woman and men are the same! As soon as you take the power away from the person who dumped you(which doesn't take long if you didn't draw out the breakup too long). The dumper will always think the same thing(unless the relationship was terrible or abusive) "what's going on with my ex?" If the sex was good, if the conversation was, if fun was had, and you as the dumpee take the initiative to cope well, you become the WINNER! MOst people draw sh** out(like I have done in the past) and email, call,text,etc. You get into a needy cycle of pain and longing and it is all down hill. If you had something worthwhile with someone, and the other person ends it, you have two paths to walk. One path youwalk with your shoulders back knowing that they made a silly mistake and you are too valuable of a person to beg for a second chance. The other path is the path of a needy creeper. What are they doing? Are they online? Who are they talking to? Am I good enough? Are they with someone new? Listen, if you walked away with strength and dignity and kindness, your ex-partner will be impressed. You know why? Because that is an impressive example of your ability to cope. Strength is really attractive and so is your ability to show self-respect.
confused11 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 omg...Sysyphus28...reading you post was so motivating. For me, he ended over a week ago but has contacted me everyday since, he is texting me right now, and I responded, I don't initiate contact but yes, I do reply. I want to be friends...but thinking about it, I just want him to say he made a mistake. I realize I have to move on and let go. I DO NOT want to take the path of the needy creeper lol. Starting today, I am going to stop responding to him, I thought maybe since it ended, that since I was still responding how could I stop now, but it is a mistake I can rectify. Why does he get to have what he wants (me in his life one way) when I don't (him in my life another way). Not forever, just until I have no feelings left. Maybe we can be friends in the future, maybe not but right now since I still want more, I can't. Wishing Star...your guy is so simliar to the one I was with. Not wanting to call it anything, afraid of commitment, fear of the furture...told me the same thing that he couldn't give me what I wanted. We def weren't together as long but still the same, did an unoffical LD thing for a few months and as far as I know and believe, there was no third party involvement, but when it came down to it, at the end of the day, he wasn't giving me what I wanted. I wanted him to see me the way I saw him. I thought maybe in time, he would realize but no. We did end a few times too so I went NC but he always came back. However, now, I am so tired of this pattern. It hurts because for us there were no bad times either, things seemed so great but it was a facade. If things were so great, then this wouldn't have happened. NC is the way to go!!! I should've done it again but it is never too late. I wish I had some great advice for you but as my situation is very similar to yours, just not as long, I too am confused with what to think now. The only things I know to be a great path to take is NC. It will never fail you. Most likely, he will contact you in the future, I don't know when and it is not certain but don't wait around for it either that makes it harder. Be with friends that will listen. Ughh it is so hard I really know how you feel...if I think of anything else I will let you know...try to stay strong even though you want to fall apart...xoxo
Sysyphus28 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Take your personal power back and enjoy be by yourself without this person. Hang with friends...........hang with whoever but this person. Take it day by day and stop replying..............it sickens me that your ex has no respect for you. He should leave you alone and let you heal.
lilmrcheerful Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 People want what they can't have, and woman and men are the same! As soon as you take the power away from the person who dumped you(which doesn't take long if you didn't draw out the breakup too long). The dumper will always think the same thing(unless the relationship was terrible or abusive) "what's going on with my ex?" If the sex was good, if the conversation was, if fun was had, and you as the dumpee take the initiative to cope well, you become the WINNER! MOst people draw sh** out(like I have done in the past) and email, call,text,etc. You get into a needy cycle of pain and longing and it is all down hill. If you had something worthwhile with someone, and the other person ends it, you have two paths to walk. One path youwalk with your shoulders back knowing that they made a silly mistake and you are too valuable of a person to beg for a second chance. The other path is the path of a needy creeper. What are they doing? Are they online? Who are they talking to? Am I good enough? Are they with someone new? Listen, if you walked away with strength and dignity and kindness, your ex-partner will be impressed. You know why? Because that is an impressive example of your ability to cope. Strength is really attractive and so is your ability to show self-respect. I applaud you with this response and it's exactly how I would feel too. It's very important I think not to give the dumper any excuse and that they'd have to find their own excuses therefore if their reason for ending it is rather feeble, then they will regret it in future - ESPECIALLY if their next relationship is a bad one, that's when it will hit home even more.
confused11 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 In the past when this has happened, i went the NC route but he would call. It wasn't that I would let things go and jump back easily, not at all, I would say to him stop telling me and start showing me. Which is what he did, he was making an effort to show me he wanted to be serious, to show me things were different. Everything changed and I really believed they were, Everything was falling into place how I had hoped but when it came to telling me how he felt, he couldn't tell me. Eventually he said he didn't feel the same way, he didn't have romantic feelings for me. I didn't understand how he could pretend to for so long but whatever, so now he wants to try the friendship I had initially tried to have with him in the beginning. When we spoke we said that we were going to back off each other, however, if there was ever an emergency, he didn't want me to hesitate to call. After the first time we talked about being over, we left both holding back tears in eyes, him seeming more upset than me, I though that we were not going to speak for a while, but he texted me daily, then we met to exchange our stuff, he wanted me to stay and hang out I told him no it was better if I left, I thought THEN it would start NC, because there was nothing left to converse about, but the day after he still contacted me and we met up we both had rough days concerning other things so we went to happy hour ( I know I am violating every rule here!) So yesterday, I came upong fantastic new for me, and he had been initiating contact with me all day and i was so used to sharing news with him, I called to share, but things weren't the same he was very happy for me but not how I was used to. No hug and kiss, not that I expected on but I didn't think it would bother me so much that I didn't get it. I truly realized then that I can't be friends with him and talk to him. SO today I am starting officially NC but do I tell him to not call me anymore or just ignore him. I think if I told him that he needs to stop, he would respect my wishes. I dont think he wishes to be malicious with me but me responding was kinda letting him know it is ok but now I know it is not and has to stop.
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